Call of the Wildmen

Jake woke up with a throbbing hangover, the kind that makes you want feel like shit if you stay in bed, then more shit if you get up, and then even more shit if you try to go back to bed. This was all Seth's fault - he was the one who had the bright idea to stock up Eric's mansion-sized cabin with tequila instead of old reliable Jack Daniels, or even just beer. And no one, not Brad, not Will, not Luke, no one thought to bring in any other beverage. So now there he was, 6" tall, 150 pound trust-fund-college-junior, soaked in tequila at 7am.

Jake just lay spread out on the bed; thankfully the blanket had fallen off somewhere so he was nice and cool. After a few loud groans, he tried to rub his eyes, but he couldn't move his arms. A sudden pang of concern hit him and he looked around to see what had happened to his hands. He found both arms held tightly by knotted tee-shirts. He tugged at his arms in panic and was about to scream when the door burst open. "Well well well!" said an annoyingly cheery voice standing in the glare of the early morning sun, "Look who's finally up." The guy walked closer and Jake recognize the tight, cocky gait of Luke, the lacrosse-playing teen heartthrob of the group. "Luke! What the fuck is going on?!" he blurted out, still stinging from the hangover. "Ah" Luke replies, "So you really were blacked out yesterday." He sits down on the bed beside and carries on, "So it like this. We drew lots yesterday, and you got the smallest one so you lost." "Wha... what're you talking about? What lots, what smallest one, what did I lose?!" Jake stammered as his confusion grew. "You remember we were all kinda bored yesterday?... Yeeeah... you were probably already outta it by then... but we wanted to try something a bit more... umm... 'experimental', so we decided to... umm... 'draw straws'." "Wha..." Jake said still not comprehending what was going on, "But what did you decide to do and what straws?" "Well..." Luke gives you a knowing smile, and firmly (and slightly seductively) grasped his classmate's inner thigh and looked at his crotch. To Jake's horror, he realized that he was stark naked and nursing a semi, which could only mean...