A attempt.

3:34 in the morning, you should have been long asleep... Though everything in your room, by the dimmed light from the lanternpost behind your curtains, casted shadows that in some way, shape or form reminded you of him, Finn was his name if you recall correctly... You hadn't even been able to remotely prepare yourself...

It was a day like any other, working your minimum wage boring job to afford a living and afterwards socialising with your friends, today you decided to meet up at the park, on the tiny recreational dock by the lake. As you were the last one to arrive there had already been a small group of people gathered, four to be exact, for those four friends you commonly hung out with, however as you stepped on to the dock, greeting the group with mild excitement you noticed among your friends was a fifth face, one you hadn't met before, one offering you a warm, welcoming smile while quickly sizing you up with a pair of calculating, intelligent eyes before offering you a hand to shake.

Oh those eyes! As blue as the sky and as dreamy as the clouds, how could you sleep with those still on your mind? You decided to once more shake up your pillow and turn it around once again, hoping the other by now cool side would bring your mind at ease, yet before you laid down you couldn't help but think, would he lay awake of you too?

Of course you had noticed him introducing himself, after all, you had taken hold of his hand and introduced yourself first, yet as his shake, firm yet gentle, warmed your hand you had already lost yourself in his eyes, so quick so deep into thought the voices of him and your friends in the background could've been miles away and all you could in response was to stammer... You had been told someone was bringing a friend along but no one had told you he had been this cute! Yet here you stood, comming to the realisation he had let go of your hand yet you still clinged to his whilst staring into his eyes.

Just by one thought, one memory the smile had been wiped from your face, you turned onto your stomach and groaned into your pillow, it had been so awkward you still wished you could just... Change it, remove the whole moment and redo it, say something cool, something casual, flirty... Yet no matter what you thought up now something told you even if you could you would just screw it up again...

A bright blush warmed your face when sound returned, the thundering laughter of your friends alerting every soul in and around the park of your epic fail, though what warmed your face even more, what made your day and silenced your friends was when Finn wrapped both of his hands around yours before you could embarrass yourself even more for with a sweet smile and a soft voice he told you "cute..."

With your face still in your pillow you thought back to that moment as you had done several times tonight and as before it hadn't failed making you smile and warm your... Body to be frank, your mind wandered to the toys laying in the box under your bed while you grew to imagen his smile next to you on the pillow, his somewhat worn out work pants and tank top on the floor right by your tight jeans and shirt, his boxers over the chair by your desk, accompanying your bra and panties... No... You shouldn't...

As always, the rest of the evening was filled with chatting, joking, and generally calming down from the workday, it wasn't for long however that your friends began to comment on how Finn and you had only eye for one another, on how good Finn and you looked together, on how you and Finn should find a room... You had heard them tease the two of you, as had Finn but the both of you seemed to let it slide for among the teasing and the joking there was one voice that stood out to you, the voice you had been and would be listening to during the evening, having talked about work, hobbies, memories... Quite common things really that you didn't talk about with your friends for they already knew, things what often would be a bore to talk about, to tell or to listen to yet purely by the look on his face and the tone in his voice you knew he sincerely wanted to hear more...

You managed to tear your hand away from creeping towards the box, having turned over to try and focus on something else, the doorknob on the other side of the room, though a failed attempt for not even a minute later the long shadow of the knob brought your mind back to thinking about his knob, still with his clothes around your room you thought up the scenario how he could come through the door, having showered and already half hard just for you... How could you get your mind off of it after this evening?

One by one your friends started to head home untill only you and Finn were left, which was something you enjoyed even more, having him all for yourself, and what suggested this was mutual was when you mentioned having to get back to your place too that he offered to walk along, he was here on vacation and had all the time in the world and even said he'd rather spend that time with you than anyone, it was after the short walk to your place that a switch was turned, the switch that took you from a mere interest to a burning desire to want him in your bed, for upon arrival, even though he politely offered his hand you found it nothing but fitting to hug, which stunned the poor man, seconds seeming eternities passed before then finally his arms, firm and gentle as his handshake, wrapped around you to pull you up into the warmth of his chest. His smell, his breath, his heartbeat... All of it seemed to tell you to look up. Thus you did, with a small movement you took your cheek off the warmth of his chest while the now seemingly cold wind found way to cool your skin, a small sacrifice in order to look up in the bluest eyes you had ever seen up close... The bluest eyes you've ever wanted to see slowely being closed, the bluest eyes that you soon could no longer see as when you leaned in to kiss him, hoping that behind your own closed eyes indeed he too leaned in, a wish that upon beeing granted made you feel like for a moment, everything was perfect.

By that memory, of pressing your small body against his, of how soft and warm his lips were against your own, how his hands slowely traveled down to the round, full behind you had always been proud of, you decided tonight sleep would be impossible anyway, thus blowing a kiss to the imagened Finn laying next to you you raised yourself from your bed and while only wearing a oversized shirt you went downstairs for a smoke by the back door, now allowing your imagination to run wild, for better now than tomorrow at work.

As Finn slightly lifted you up by your ass when the kiss deepened, a action that made you feel smaller, more feminine and more beautyfull, you felt the burning desire rise higher and higher within you, it was so easy to open the door behind you, invite him in... It was much harder to despite your lust, despite his growing bulge, despite your passionate saliva exchange still keep in mind that it was Thursday, yet another workday left, a reason to need to get out of bed in the morning, you couldn't spend that morning waking up next to Finn...

Though at this point there was not much focus needed to make his memory appear before your eyes yet you took a drag from your smoke and closed your eyes, clearing your thoughts on the matter to satisfy the urge that kept you awake, thinking back to his warm chest, his lips, his hands though imagening those hands going further than they had gone before, you could almost actually feel them ever so eagerly spreading and squeezing your asscheeks... Another drag of your smoke as against the back of your eyelids your eyes moved down to see your hand take hold of his manhood, placing your palm against his shaft to let your fingers play with his balls, though you had trouble imagening his member, not knowing what it looked like the form your mind had given it, more or less a fleshy form of your toy upstairs, was doing quite well for you, bringing you even to shivers as you imagened wrapping your hand around it to slowely jerk it, causing it's tip to brush against your stomach...

Another drag of your smoke and you decided on a cup of coffee, thus turning to your coffeemaker to turn it on you once more closed your eyes and leaned forward, to continue on the thought of his hands on your asscheeks, now with his legs against yours and his hard dick between your thighs pressing up against your pelvis while his thumbs wiggled between your asscheeks, spreading them and rubbing in-between, wanting to see and feel all of you, only having eye for you, keeping hard only from feeling up your body, making you his physically as he did mentally the day before... Gods you wanted the sweet release... You quickly prepared the coffeemaker to begin brewing the black nectar of life and killed your smoke to run back to your room

Not wanting to wait longer than you needed you almost ran into your room, throwing over... Something, you hadn't bothered turning on the light, you would worry about it later, only barely avoiding crashing against your bed and pushing aside the crap that was in your way, damned shoes, standing where you placed them... You pulled out a special shoebox and took out the six inch long, one inch wide, smooth, bright green friend that would probably not mind helping you out. Softly giggling about your friend you walked back to the kitchen to get your coffee and the image of Finn you left there, a quick sip of nectar and a short walk to the living room later and you had thrown yourself onto the couch closing your eyes.

Finn's hands laid resting on your hips when his lips connected with your bellybutton, leaving a trail of soft pecks up your body while you used the toy to drag from your thigh up to your bellybutton, following about the same path ImagiFinn kissed from there... It was however when his lips met yours that suddenly your mind skipped from him leaning over you to him standing near your head, his member right before your eyes and his hands behind your head and between your legs... Helping yourself imagening you brought one hand between your thighs to rub with your indexfinger back and forth all the while laying your dildo over one eye... It's smell kinda ruined your little fantasy but you could manage aslong as you still could bring up his smile, still see his naked form before you, you could still think of your toy as him offering you his dick, which you now started licking, making certain it was nice and wet in the process.

Though after you had taken it between your lips, suckled on it bringing up what you thought his moan sounded like and looked down to guide "him" between your legs that your mind did the worst thing it could do.

Look at it, years of hormonal treatment and still, your own dick... A four inch mark that send all boys you had met running and even if Finn had been here, he wouldn't make sweet love to you, even if you did see him again, did get him here, even if you could find the courage to flirt with him, which was a point on it's own, he would find your little penis and be out of the door cursing about being tricked before he even was completely dressed, like all the others... You threw the toy aside nearly crying, you would never find a boyfriend, no, only famous transgenders would find love, not you, you were a no one.