A Series of Fortunate Events

A theme song plays over flashing images of grey-scale porn and hentai, with red lines connecting them. Every other episode, one verse in the show's theme song changes. In this episode, the verse goes:
Three beauties lose their home, and go to live with someone awful
He tries to steal their virginity with a plot that's not quite lawful
It's hard to fathom how the girls manage to get through it
But how a decent person like yourself would even want to view it!

Hello, my name is Lemony Snicket, and this is the story of the Baudelaires. It's a rather sad story for those sound of mind, but I have a feeling you're reading this for purposes other than to read a tragedy. After all, our stars, the three Baudelaire "sisters" are all super sexy, 19 years old, hot, and curvy.

Quotation marks around a word can mean several things. For one, when a quote is being used, in an essay or a report. Or when used to refer to something as having been translated, such as traducción, "translation" in Spanish. A third use is to make something sound untrue, or to show that something is a misnomer. For example, calling the Baudelaire "sisters" sisters, when in reality, through a complex web of divorces and marriages, none of them even share a parent. Instead, they live with their shared boyfriend, Jonathan, in a peaceful place, where they shower the love of their life, (who also happens to be the property owner) with their attention. The best part is, Jonathan is a completely innocent soul. He never seeks to take advantage of the girls in any way or pressure them to do anything sexually. Thus, all 3 girls are still virgins. Or, at least were still virgins.

I haven't even introduced you to the girls yet. There's Violet, with her long, brown, strait hair that she pulls up into a ponytail whenever she's thinking. She's the smartest of the bunch, which isn't saying much. She's quick-witted and clever, a really good inventor, and has massive tits. Then we have Brittney, who is the "bitchy" one. Basically a classic dumb blonde bimbo, and can't handle any work or challenge. Finally, there's Elizabeth. Rather than being "bitchy" or a "bimbo" like her "sister" Brittney, Elizabeth is a little bit more "entitled" than others. not in a karen-ey sort of way, more like she thinks that she's hotter and smarter than everybody else, when in reality, she has the smallest tits of all three girls, and is stupid compared to Violet.

Let's look at the girls last normal day in their paradise, where they decided to take a trip to Briny Beach. See them in their tight micro-bikinis, running around, their tits jiggling wildly as they play in the sun? Well that won't last. See that elderly man there, Mr. Poe?
"I am most certainly not elderly" Mr. Poe yelled at the narrator.
Well he is on his way to give the girls some bad news. While they were out on the beach, Jonathan had suffered a terrible accident, and was, unfortunately, dead.
"Well it's fortunate for whoever these girls end up loving next" Mr. Poe replied to the narrator.

The girls got in to Mr. Poe's car. Because of the accident, the girls could temporarily no longer live in Jonathan's house, so Mr. Poe decided to let them live with him for the time being. Eventually, he is able to find out that in Jonathan's will, it said that the girls were entitled to the house and all of his possessions after living with his "closest available relative" for 2 months.

Note the use of quotation marks around "closest available relative". While this is a direct quote from the will, that is not the reason it's in quotation marks. It also isn't a translation. You see, when you read the words "closest available relative", what do you think that means? Probably the person most related to him who also doesn't have too much stuff going on to aptly provide for 3 girls. However, according to Mr. Poe's "contract consultant" it meant person most related to him that was single. As you may have noticed, "contract consultant" was in quotation marks. That's because this so called "contract consultant" turned out to be a peculiar man, not too much older than the three girls, in a disguise. How unfortunate.