900 Year Old Virgin

AN: All characters in this story are at least 18 years old. Also this is a parody, please don’t sue me, I do not own Star Trek or Spaceballs.

“What a tragic scene,” a concerned Palpatine laid his hand upon Amidala’s shoulder. “The **** of Qui-Gon Jinn is a grave loss for us all.”

“Yes,” Amidala murmured back watching the pyre in the distance surrounded by the Jedi. “As a small condolence, and it is indeed small, I’ve opened a rare Naboo sanctuary, ancestral queens have long sworn that none may enter save Naboo royalty. I hoped Master Yoda and Knight Kenobi may find some peace there, but it seems Knight Kenobi declined, he wishes to grow closer to Anakin.”

“Yes, what a remarkable child that one is,” whispered Palpatine, kind smile aimed into the distance. "Despite our losses, we have much to be grateful for."

Much later a tired Yoda was show through a secret passage of the Naboo palace into a private Grotto, the maid lit the ancestral incense, a personal stash not used since the founding of Naboo (little was known about that Queen, save her frequent trips to her own personal monastery).

Yoda sat down, folding both of his tiny legs underneath him, “Leave me, please do. Meditate on changes most grave, must I.”

Pink smoke filled the room as a restless Yoda closed his eyes.

As dawn broke Sabe entered and spoke, “Master Yoda? Is everything well with you?”

The ancient one stirred, eyes sliding open gravely from his posture.

“Opened my eyes have been, never clearer has the **** spoken. Wisdom most remarkable resides here,” praised a grateful Yoda.

“A 900-year old virgin I am. Raising an army of hormone suppressed virgins. Fix this I will.”

“What the fuck?”

“No, world the fuck,” Yoda paused eyes glancing back and forth. “Translation lost something there. No matter, Do or Do Not. There is No Try. And we Jedi are going to Do it everywhere.”

“Grandmaster Yogurt I have become, and Yogurt I shall provide.”