[*Hotel Californication*]

There are worlds, not our own, but not so very different, either: where there are genuine conspiracies by the federal government, and others, to keep the masses of humanity ignorant of the true extent of fantastical elements of their world and that things such as aliens, and magic, are real. Worlds in which, for the most part they are successful, despite any conspiracy of such scope normally being utterly impossible to maintain over the long term. In these worlds, ones where things such as "The Back Rooms" and "The SCP Foundation" are very real, not fiction on the internet ginned up by bored teens and unemployed adults seeking an escape from their dreary lives, they are successful in no small part because such things as Aliens, Magic-Amulets, and the like are DANGEROUS; dangerous to the point that many who encounter them do not escape with their lives in order to spread rumors about such things existing. In these worlds, the SCP Foundation does much of its work in finding anomalies than need to be contained by tracking strings of otherwise unexplained disappearances back to their sources. However, as any student of The SCP Foundation's lore will know, not all such events/beings/items will stay where they are put; and are classified based not on the relative danger they pose, primarily, but rather how hard it is to make them stay in "Containment", the highest of which is "Ketter" for those items that defy almost any attempt to contain them, and may, in fact, never have been ABLE to be contained in the first place.

In one of these realities, one such, not a item, nor being, nor even event; but a PLACE, is the Hotel Californication. Found at various times by artists, musicians, actors, script-writers, game-designers, and many more since around the year 1900, the Hotel Californication with its logo of a gently rolling set of green hills under an indigo sky spattered with white Stars and hosting a pale Crescent Moon can appear anywhere in the continent of North-America: typically out in the middle of nowhere when a person's too tired to see-straight, in need of rest, and haven't seen another soul outside of their own vehicle on the road for hours. Mostly it appears after they round some bend in the terrain or other natural obstacle that would hide it from view, but sometimes it fades-in from the horizon, rising up like a submarine breaching the surface of the sea, especially in the planes-states where Highways drive long-and-straight across the land for hundreds of miles with almost nothing to break the monotony. They'll decide they need to stop, everyone who's ever heard of the place before that's actually seen it first-hand does, and pull into it's moderately spacious but mostly-empty front parking lot, go inside, and ask for a room. The lobby is shimmering and splendid, like something from a dream, with sparkling crystal chandeliers and many comfy couches in the hotel's signature cool-and-relaxing colors, the same ones from the sign: green, indigo, and white, while warm-toned dark hardwoods and faintly-pink-marble adorning the walls and floors provide balance. The employee at the desk is going to ask how long the guest wants to stay, and the guest is going to be honest with both the employee, themselves, and any companions that may be with them, weather that answer is "Forever", "a week", or "I'll leave before dawn tomorrow", regardless of what they would have said an hour ago. If the guest is part of a group, that whole group will agree on how long to stay after a brief, calm, and frank discussion of both their options and any pre-existing obligations elsewhere. The Employee will offer them a rental option, or twelve, that fits their needs, desired length of stay, and budget, without even asking what they can afford, but whatever it is, it will fit what the guest both needs and can pay for. If that option doesn't exist, such as the guest wanting to stay forever, and/or being destitute, the employee will offer them a job-application, instead. There's always room in the staff roster somewhere that fits that person's precise skills when they check the computer in the "guest e-Mail access" area of the lobby, and most of them take the job eagerly, since, among other benefits like medical and dental coverage, it comes with room-and-board not only for themselves, but also any minor children in the family, who, if they have one, are typically with them. For those guests that are a little bit better-heeled than that and don't want to stay for the rest of their lives, they'll pick an option and be shown down the many long corridors to the exact kind of room they needed, and told to have a nice visit. Out of the corners of their eyes they might catch the occasional glimpse of a nude breast, butt, or penis disappearing into a doorway, or perhaps faint sounds of other guests moaning or grunting, as-though in a porno, whichever they're into. Asexual people renting a room here is rare, though it does happen, now and then: those people will instead be struck by the aesthetically pleasing colors and artwork of the building itself. They rarely think to take pictures at the time, and many curse themselves for it later.

Over their stay, the Guest will come to catch more-and-more blatantly sexual things, and for longer-and-longer the more they've been here. Never when any of the children that abound in the hotel are around though, including the ones without faces. That may throw the guest for a loop: when they realize that some of the children playing in the halls and other areas, as well as staff and adult guests too, have no facial features: no mouth, nose, ears, or even eyes, but seem to be totally unimpaired by this, save that they can't speak and have to communicate with written notes or sign-language. A few flee the hotel screaming at that point, most shrug it off, some others are curious.

At some point, if they stay a week or more, the guest will discover the existence of "The West Wing", where the convention which never ends, "CONtinuous" is held. Whatever you're into, as long as it's something geeky, nerdy, and/or sexy, there's a selection of events going on at CONtinuous covering it some time this week, but finding the right room for that specific panel or event can be tricky. Attendance at the Con isn't free, you have to pay an extra "CON Member" fee to get in, although some room options will include that fee as part of the package. There's exactly one way to find the Hotel Californication on-purpose, and that's by invitation. You might, if you've got the right attitude and/or connections-and-standing in geek/nerd culture, be invited to come stay at the hotel free-of-charge for a while as a guest speaker or vendor for CONtinuous by the hotel's staff-managers for "the eternal convention", or even particularly wealthy or influential attendees, although this is comparatively unusual: should you call the attached number and indicate interest, even if you initially were going to refuse due to competing commitments of some sort, you will find the path to your attendance made straight and clear before you, all you must do is travel it. As an example: that sick great-aunt you've been nursing for months will rally and recover, almost like magic, or suddenly take a turn into a downward spiral that kills her in a matter of days, or similar: whichever would ultimately be better for both of you, in the end. (For some, at that stage, continuing to live has become more a burden than a joy; they will be allowed to safely lay-aside that burden to discover what is next, and become 'at peace' with doing so.) This is also the only way to RETURN to the Hotel Californication having once left sight of it: and while some guests, (especially if they bring a good amount of Merch to sell in the various dealers halls), may be invited back many times, once you've entered any of the other levels of "The Back Rooms" which can be accessed through it; into The Backrooms is the only place you can go from "The Hotel Californication" level of The Backrooms thereafter.

Yes, dear reader, you did hear that right, this is, technically, a "Backrooms" level that people can enter, and then return to "The Real World", but, there's that catch: you can, under the right circumstances, go into this level of The Backrooms and then back out into the world we know, (or a version of it, anyway), but you can't go, or ever have been even, anywhere ELSE in "The Backrooms" besides the Hotel Californication and then go back to the normal world, and the only way to get to the Hotel Californication at all, is by true need and accidental discovery, or to be INVITED. The SCP foundation: all of its members, all its staff, anyone affiliated with it, will NEVER be invited; because, in a sense, from a certain point of view, the Hotel Californication is both alive and self-aware, and knows that they're a threat to it if they were able to locate it and converge on-mass.

What CAN come-and-go from the other levels of The Backrooms through Hotel Californication and into the normal world or the reverse are OBJECTS. Some lose all "anomalous" properties on leaving The Backrooms, others don't. Some do so by categories, ("Almond Water" never retains its anomalous mind-protecting effects, as one example,) while others are unpredictable, ("Cashew Water", ironically, is a crapshoot if it does/doesn't still mess-up people's mind...) and a few are predictable, but you have to take specific steps to make it retain them. This, on a number of levels, drives The Foundation utterly MAD. (Less a "drive" and more a "Short Put" for a lot of those guys...)

Enter this place if you wish, but stay to the well lit hallways, avoid the occasional infestations of Demon-Roaches, -Rats, and Moths, or the flash-flooding in the damaged sectors, and listen to Hotel Security when they tell you that an area is currently off limits, there's always a good reason.

Please enjoy your stay at the Hotel Californication!