The truth.

He sighed. "To be honest, James, I don't know much more than you. My girlfriend Connie found this remote, and it seems like every time I zap her with it she changes into a completely random person."

James frowned. "Where is your friend now?"

Mark stared at him for a beat. "Uh, you're her. You're in her body."

James was less surprised than Mark expected. "That explains the voice," he said nonchalantly. "And the bosoms. Now help me up."

Mark took his girlfriend's arm and helped her to her feet, where she swayed unsteadily. "Lord, this is different..." she muttered in that strange accent. "What year is it?"

Mark told her and her eyebrows shot up. "And is England still the greatest country in the world?"

He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "You said you didn't have a last memory, but you seem to remember your whole life. What does that mean?"

James was exploring the apartment. As he examined the TV, he responded. "I don't know, this doesn't feel like part of my life. It's as if I can see my whole life stretched out like a story but my existence here isn't part of that story. I don't feel any connection to the events of the life I led. What do you call this thing? What does it do?"

"That's a TV. You can, uh, watch moving pictures on it. So you don't feel like this is part of your life? What do you mean? Do you remember anything before you appeared in my living room?"

James was feeling the edges of the TV screen with amazement. "No, I just wasn't, then I was. How do you start it?"

Mark cleared his throat. "Um, don't take this wrong, James, but I kinda want to get my girlfriend back in her body. Do you have any idea how I can do that?"

James turned back from the TV to face him. Mark noticed that Connie's face was slightly flushed. "I don't understand 'kinda wanna' but it doesn't bother me if you want to overwrite me. I don't belong here anyway, so it's no great loss if I once again cease to exist. Unfortunately, I don't know how to get your friend back." He paused. "Were you and your friend... intimate?"

Mark nodded. "Yes, that's what 'girlfriend' means."

James bit his lip and exhaled. "I do believe this womanly body is warm toward you. I'm feeling increasingly romantic..."

Mark couldn't believe his ears. "You mean you're getting horny in my girlfriend's body?"

James approached him, clumsily trying to sashay in his unfamiliar body. He leaned in close and whispered into Mark's ear. "It's becoming quite urgent. If you don't desire to release me, then please grant me release. I'm rather beside myself."