Sharing a bed

Home for the holidays: Your parents invite everyone to take over. Even your sister’s family who lives down the block has to stay over. Every space is filled with people. Kids are in sleeping bags in the basement. The oldest family members get the beds, everyone else gets air mattresses.

As eldest son, you get the last bed in the house. It’s a privilege you’ve never give up. Not for your pregnant sister. And definitely not for your little brother who says, “We just got married can we have the bed and room. We’re still in the honeymoon stage. We cannot keep our hands off each other, and we need privacy. There is no privacy in this house. We gotta have the room.”

No way. They can do what you and your wife do: don’t have sex. It’s easy. Just have a wife who never initiates and only believes in sex for procreation.

You pat your little brother on the shoulder, “You can wait a weekend. It’ll make it that much better the next time you do it. If not, you have a car.”

“We’re not high schoolers, bro. We’re not banging in my Camry.”

Tough luck. Not your problem. You and your wife won’t be having sex in that bed, and you’ll make damn sure no one else is.

Then your new sister-in-law walks up to you. Tan and gorgeous from the honeymoon. She’s in a baggy sweater. (That picture had to have been from an AI app to make his wife have big boobs, or her swimsuit was an **** push-up bra, because you see no curves on her chest). She touches your arm, “Hey brother. Can I call you that? So I heard you have access to the only real bed. I have really bad back problems. I just cannot sleep on an air mattress—I won’t be able to walk in the morning. What are the chances of you doing your new little sister a favor and letting her sleep in the bed? I would love you forever, and it would set you up to get a great Christmas gift.”

She seems like such a sweet girl. It’s hard to outright tell her ‘no’ like you did your brother, and you’re curious what this great Christmas gift could be. But you can’t just give up your bed to the first cute girl who bats her eyelashes at you.