Scandal

INVISIBLE SLUT BATTLES ALIEN INVADERS!!!

Sue Storm grimaced at the headline of the Daily Bugle. She knew she had struck a chord with J. Jonah Jameson when he used three exclamation marks. Front and center was a shot of the Invisible Woman's ass, snapped in such a way to emphasize how well it clung to her perfected backside. The fabric was, Sue admitted, a bit fine; it had clung to her crotch in such a way as to give her a perfect cameltoe.

"Damn you, Peter Parker," she muttered.

The article itself gave little heed to the actual battle. The Fantastic Four had routed a disparate group of space pirates, refugees from one of Thanos' old fleets. Why they had come down over the Hudson River and began scanning the small islands was something Reed was worried about. He suspected they were looking for something, possibly something the Titan had left behind after one of his plots. But the battle had been brief, and the pirates had retreated before they had been able to capture and interrogate any of them.

"Mom, what's a ho?" Valeria said.

The Invisible Woman stiffened.

"Why do you ask, sweetheart?" Sue asked.

"The lady on television says you're a—" the little blonde cherub said.

"No more television for you today!" Sue said sharply.

Reed called the team together in the afternoon. A map of the river was projected above the holotable. Mister Fantastic's arms stretched out to indicate the site of attack.

"As a result of our skirmish with the space pirates, I've tried to map out previous alien incursions across the area, to see if I could narrow down what they were looking for. And...well..."

Dozens of colored blobs appeared, on both sides of the river and several of the islands.

"This city," Johnny Storm said, rubbing his eyes.

"That's a lot of ETs," Ben Grimm acknowledged.

"Yes," Reed said. "Which is why I propose we split up. Cover more ground more quickly. We can keep in touch with our communicators, and use handheld scanners to look for the energy signatures that the space pirates were looking for."

He looked at his wife.

"The, um, press has been a bit scandalized by your new costume," he said to Sue. "If you want, you can scan this area—it should minimize exposure."

The Invisible Woman considered her husband's well-meant but slightly insulting offer. Then she thought of Valeria's question.