Redeem

"So if Faith does come back what do you think is going to happen?" Buffy asked.

Xander shrugged.

Buffy gave him a playful little shove, "Hoping she feels a connection?"

Xander flashed a quick grin, "That'd be nice. Faith feeling about me the way I feel about her."

"And that is?"

"Confused." Xander answered. "But curious. And a whole slew of other emotions."

"Horny." Buffy chipped in.

Xander laughed, "Yes. A bit."

"You think Faith is still horny for you? Ms. Love Em and Leave Em?"

"Maybe." Xander leaned back and braced himself on his arms, "The sex was good. Maybe not great. But it had the promise of being great. I wonder if we had more time if it would have been better. Or if we had another chance would it be better knowing what each other liked now. If I wonder then Faith has to wonder that too."

"I guess. It's possible."

"She's still human, Buff. She had thoughts and feelings. She's not some unfeeling psycho."

"I know, I know." Buffy waved him off.

"When Faith comes back, because I have faith that Faith will come back, we take things a day at a time."

"You'd really accept her bac-"

"Angel." Xander cut her off. "If I can stomach working with Deadboy despite all that happened you can grin and bare it when it comes to Faith and her trying to redeem herself."

Buffy growled at him.

"Cool your jets." Xander pointed at her warningly.

"Fine." Buffy huffed and rolled her eyes. "Y'know it's easy to say this now. But when Faith's in your face will you still be able to? Or will you be too worried about being strangled again? What if she was here, right now, lurking in the dark over there. Waiting for her moment to kill us, would you still be able to tell her you forgive her?"

Xander took a deep breath and let it out. "I hope Faith is out there. That she's been listening to all this. I want her to know I forgive her. And that I'd be happy to fight beside her again."

"And you want to sleep with her again." Buffy sniped.

Xander bobbed his head. "She is a very attractive woman. I would be a fool not to find her attractive. Or gay." He held up a hand, "But that doesnt mean all I want is sex. I want my friend back. I want her to feel safe."

"She killed someone." Buffy reminded.

Xander groaned and flopped back onto the grass, "Let it go, Buff. It was friendly fire at best and given what we know about the Mayor now, you could call it a delayed clean kill due to identification error."

"He was still a human."

"And working for the bad guys." Xander sat back up and glared at his friend.

He stared hard at Buffy, "And maybe you've forgotten, Buff, but I haven't. We've killed a few humans too. Amy's Mom. The Hyena Zoologist. Coach Marin. Your mom's friend Pat." He ticked them off on his fingers. "It sucks but it happens. I dont know why you are so hung up on it this time."

"She blamed me!" Buffy pointed to her chest.

"And you were there. Just like with Amy's mom, the Zoologist, Coach Marin and Pat. Accessory, I believe is the term. You get some of the blame."

"It wasnt my fault!" Buffy slapped the ground.

"Wasnt hers either. It was his. He had no business being there." Xander replied. "It was a vamp fight and that idiot got in the middle of it. The reason he died is his own stupidity. If he had just runaway he'd be alive today. If it had been a regular fight and either of you two hesitated in order to check for signs of life then you'd be endangering your life. Which... would be stupid."

Buffy let out a hiss and slumped back onto the grass. "You are impossible!"

"She made a mistake. An honest mistake. Not a malicious one. It's not like she took his pulse and then staked him out of the blue. It was the middle of a fight and she didnt have time to check."

Xander cringed, "Now how she handled the fall out was shit. No two ways about that." He reached up and touched his neck. "I know that first hand."

He dropped his hand and bowed his head, "But it's not like we did any better. We fucked up too, Buff. We didnt have her back. We didnt treat her like a Scoob."

Buff huffed, "She didnt want to be one."

"Did we ever offer?" He asked. He plucked some grass and played with it. "This isnt just one thing going wrong, Buff. This is a slow motion crash having several points of failure. Some ours. Some hers. A lot Wesley's. I'm making sense. You know I am."

Buffy growled again and kicked her heels against the ground.

"What?" Xander asked. "Use your words, Buffy."

"I don't want you to make sense! I want to be angry!" Buffy shouted.

"Sorry." Xander offered.

"Ugh." Buffy pulled herself back up into a sitting pose. "Dammit, Xander. Just let me be angry."

Xander shook his head, "Not if it gets in the way of helping our friend."

"Ugh." Buffy shook her head, "why do you have to be... so... you." She gestured at him.

"I am what I am." Xander put a hand to his chest, "And what I am is a guy who, as Tom Petty said, will stand my ground against the gates of hell and not back down. Where my friends are concerned."

Buffy slumped forward, "Even Faith?"

"Even Faith." Xander nodded. "We can stand with our friend when times are tough and be someone worth a damn. Or we can turn our backs on her and be no good douchebags."

"God, why do you sound like a 50s pulp detective?"

Xander grinned, "I was raised by tv and comic books, Buff. Reruns of the original 50s Dragnet and then guys in tights fighting for whats right warped my fragile little mind."

"And you are gonna say all that to her the next time your face to face with Faith?"

Xander nodded his head, "Yeah. Hopefully I can get it all out before she kicks my head off."

He looked around, "but maybe I'm lucky. Faith is out there in the dark listening in on us. And maybe the next time we see her she'll known she can trust us."

"Trust you." Buffy corrected.

"Trust someone who's not going to exploit her." Xander corrected her.

Buffy looked at her friend for a long minute and then shook her head. "It's your life."

"That it is."

"Hows Giles?" Buffy asked changing the topic.