Quid pro quo.

"I think it's remote itself doing that. I think it wants this body to be... stimulated. And it will give you what you want if you give it what it wants."

Mark shook his head. "That's absurd! It's just-"

"Just a supernatural remote that can rip people out of their historical context and place them in your girlfriend's body?" Jane interrupted. "I don't think we can rule any theories out as implausible."

Mark frowned. "Ok, then, you're saying it will give me Connie back because I had sex with you?" He spoke to it like a microphone. "Uh, Connie Ramirez, please." It flashed red twice once again.

Jane smiled. "You know, I really find myself thinking more clearly now. In fact, I probably could have made the argument that you should have sex with me to help me think if I hadn't been too cloudy to think straight. Anyway, tell me this: what would you do with the remote if you got Connie back right now?"

His answer was immediate. "Burn the fucking thing and throw the ashes in the ocean."

"Exactly! Do you think the remote wants that? Why would it give you Connie when that's the last thing it would ever do?"

Mark felt a sudden rage swell up in him. "So this thing stole my girlfriend and is, what, holding her hostage? For sex? What the fuck is this?"

Jane leaned forward and put a hand on his back to comfort him, but Mark pulled away. "No! I don't want some fucking grad student explaining a magic remote to me, or some English guy, or a fucking Mongolian farmer! I want Connie!"

This time she didn't move to comfort him. Her eyes were filled with pity, though, which further irritated him. "Mark, listen. I understand this is terrifying. I know you're angry and scared and just want Connie back. I want to get her back to you! But we have to be smart. So let me remind you that this is just a working theory. I could be totally wrong, and you could just point that thing at me and get Connie back without any more trouble. But the evidence suggests that that's not true."

"So what do I do?" he asked shakily. His anger had chilled and he was overcome with despair.

"Well, you've done three different things with three different outcomes. You've used the remote on Jane, which puts a random person in her body. You've spoken to the remote, which seems - as far as we know - to allow you to parameterize the random selections to a certain degree. Even better, you get visual feedback in the form of a green or red glow to indicate whether or not your parameters are accepted. Finally, you've given Connie's body sexual pleasure."

"How is that last one something I do with the remote?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, this sudden arousal coincides with you using the remote. You asked for someone who could speak English, and he immediately tried to seduce you. You asked for someone who could help, and my brain became so overloaded with lust that I wasn't any good to you until we had sex." She paused. "I think it's happening again."

Mark frowned "Already?"

She arched her back, causing Connie's breasts to jut out prominently. "I think so," she sighed. "My thoughts are already a little cloudy. I'm already feeling kind of randy."

She noticed his eyes on her chest and shook it a little for him. "Do you like what you see? I'm definitely slower. If you want me to stick around, you may need to fuck some sense into me again."