Chapter 5: The Longest Dinner of My Life! Business Card, Dinner, and a Very Angry Boss.

"Nemuri," Yu hissed, once she managed to catch her breath and, with it, what was left of her dignity. Her face had gone from ghost white to furious red in record time. "What... what the hell are you doing here?"

"Me?" Nemuri took a sip of her soda with a calm that Yu found deeply offensive. "Living my life, eating a burger, normal stuff people do when they're not pretending to be a skyscraper in heels." Her feline gaze landed on Izuku and roamed him up and down. "Although now I'm curious. What're you doing here with this cute little guy? Don't tell me you're recruiting assistants based on eye color now."

She gestured at Izuku with a tilt of her head.

"It's not what it looks like," Yu said, waving her hands. "He's my assistant! Yeah, that, my assistant. We're working, agency stuff. Marketing, PR, you know, little pro hero things."

Nemuri arched an eyebrow.

"Assistant? Work meeting?" she repeated, savoring every word. "Wow, Yu, your meetings have gotten way more interesting. Mine are usually boring paperwork, not chocolate milkshakes and pleading puppy eyes."

"He is not giving me puppy eyes!" Yu protested.

"He's doing it right now," Nemuri said, delighted. "Look at those little eyes. If he had a tail, I swear he'd be wagging it."

Before Yu could bury herself alive, Izuku set his chopsticks down on the table and turned to Nemuri.

"Excuse me, Midnight-san," he said calmly. "I think Takeyama-san is a little confused."

Yu stared at him. Her eyes were so wide they practically screamed a deafening SHUT UP RIGHT NOW you could almost hear.

"We're not in a work meeting," Izuku concluded, giving the heroine his most polite smile. "We're on a date."

Yu's face lost its color again, going from red to white in a single second. If looks could disintegrate fools, Izuku Midoriya would already be a little pile of freckled ashes.

Nemuri, for her part, blinked. Then comprehension exploded across her face in the form of a fresh wave of laughter.

"A DATE?!"

The laugh she let out was so loud that several customers turned to look. She had to clutch her stomach as she leaned over the table.

"No, no, no, hold on! This is too good!" She smacked the table with one hand, unable to contain herself. "You?! Yu Takeyama, the great Mt. Lady, the one who turns any public appearance into a spectacle, on a date with her assistant?!"

She laughed again, without an ounce of mercy.

"And the best part is, she didn't even say it herself!" She pointed at Izuku with a mischievous grin. "He confessed it on his own! Oh my God, kid, I like you. I like you a lot."

She rested a cheek on one hand and gave Yu a look full of mischief.

"Although I have to admit, I've got a ton of questions now, and they all sound incredibly fun."

"This is not a date," Yu growled through her teeth.

"Of course it is," Izuku insisted. "Two people who meet outside of work to share food and conversation, almost always to celebrate something or get to know each other better. We're celebrating your debut, so it's a date."

The ridiculously out of place explanation was the final straw. Nemuri was crying with laughter, wiping tears away with the back of her hand.

"Please, Midnight-san," Izuku said, addressing her now. "Join us. There's plenty of room, order whatever you'd like, my treat. It would be an honor."

The offer left Nemuri speechless for a moment. She looked at the boy, who was watching her with such overwhelming sincerity it was impossible to doubt him. Then she looked at Yu, who already seemed resigned to her fate.

The opportunity was just too good.

"Well, if you insist..." Nemuri drawled. She picked up her plate and her drink, slid into the booth, and settled in right next to Yu, cornering her against the wall. "Ufufu, you're dangerous. First you invite us to dinner, and now you've got both of us at the same table. Do you always move this fast, kid?" She winked at him. "I gotta admit, the guts are attractive."

Izuku didn't seem to catch the innuendo. His gaze landed on Nemuri's half eaten burger, then on her drink, and a small, satisfied smile crossed his face.

"Well," he said. "My hypothesis was correct."

Nemuri tilted her head, completely intrigued.

"Your hypothesis?"

"Yes," Izuku nodded, very seriously. "Pretty girls have good appetites. Look at how you're enjoying that burger, that speaks of vitality and naturalness." He glanced down for a moment, appreciating her generous chest. "And it's obvious you take great care of yourself, your physique gives away admirable training and discipline. Strength and beauty in the same package. Honestly, it's impressive."

Nemuri stared at him. She was used to clumsy compliments and shameless stares; it was all part of her public image. Never, in her entire career, had a boy told her she was pretty because of how she ate a burger.

A faint blush, barely noticeable, tinted her cheeks.

"Wow," she said at last. "You really know how to win a girl over, huh?"

"I'm just telling the truth," Izuku replied, shrugging. "Observation and analysis are fundamental in any field."

Meanwhile, Yu was wishing her Quirk would let her shrink down to the size of a raisin and vanish under the table. The conversation had gone from personal humiliation to the weirdest flirting between her employee and her rival. It was a nightmare with a side of fries.

"So," Nemuri continued, fascinated with Izuku and focusing all her attention on him, "Yu says you're her assistant. What kind of job is that, exactly? You bring her coffee? Remind her not to crash into buildings?"

"Hey!" Yu protested, her mouth full of milkshake.

"I'm Izuku Midoriya," he said, in a different tone. The relaxed seriousness from before turned into an office formality that was absurd coming from someone so young.

And, under Yu's bewildered gaze, he reached into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulled out a business card. A real card, on thick cardstock, with his name printed on it, a small logo, and even a slogan, which he slid across the table.

"Professional assistant for pro heroes," he recited as Nemuri picked up the card between two fingers. "Comprehensive support, on and off the field. If you ever need my services, don't hesitate to call. My rates are very competitive."

Yu stopped breathing for a second.

Where did he get that? she thought, staring at the card with wide eyes. Three hours ago this idiot didn't even know how his own Quirk worked. I found him lying on a sidewalk with three broken leashes, and now it turns out he's carrying printed business cards, with a logo and a slogan, ready and prepared for this exact moment? When? Did he have them printed somewhere between the alley and my apartment?

"You... you have business cards?" Yu managed, pointing at the little piece of paper with a trembling finger. "Since when?"

"A good professional is always prepared," Izuku replied. "You never know when an opportunity might come up."

"Cough, cough! PROFESSIONAL?!" she shouted after a coughing fit. She spun toward Izuku with bulging eyes. "You've been working for me for exactly three hours! Three! All you've done is stare at my ass and compliment it, lose your clients' dogs, make me feel like a glutton for ordering a milkshake, and land me a date with my biggest rival! What's professional about any of that?"

Nemuri, meanwhile, was examining the card with delight and amusement, turning it between her fingers.

"Oh my God, this is better than any comedy show," she said, tucking the card into her jacket pocket. "I'm keeping it, Midoriya-kun. You never know when I might need a professional butt evaluation."

The wink she shot at Izuku was so shameless that Yu felt like throwing up her milkshake.

The evening continued down that surreal path. Nemuri, having found her new favorite toy, kept asking Izuku questions, each one designed to embarrass Yu a little more.

"So, Midoriya-kun," Nemuri said, leaning across the table with a feline smile, "is what Yu said true? Did you really analyze her... assets?"

Izuku nodded with complete seriousness.

"Of course. Takeyama-san's Quirk depends heavily on her body, so it was important to understand how everything distributes when she grows in order to gauge how stable she is in a fight. I came to the conclusion that she loses a bit of her balance past twenty meters, especially if she gets caught off guard by something meant to throw her off."

Yu buried her face in her hands.

"I want to die."

"Fascinating," Nemuri said, completely ignoring her friend's suffering. "And tell me, what do you think of my fighting style? Be honest, I won't bite... yet."

"Your Quirk, Somnambulist, is extremely effective for crowd control and non lethal incapacitation," Izuku began, narrowing his eyes. "However, its reliance on proximity and aerial dispersion makes it vulnerable to opponents with sealed suits or long range attacks. Also, your whip is more of an intimidation tool than an offensive weapon. Against a villain with a brute strength Quirk, you'd struggle in prolonged close combat."

Nemuri was listening with genuine attention. The teasing smile had faded, replaced by professional interest.

"You're not wrong. Tank type villains have given me headaches more than once."

"You could add some smoke bombs to your gear, mixed with your scent," Izuku suggested. "It would extend your range and let you control the field better without having to get so close."

"Smoke bombs..." Nemuri repeated, thoughtful. "Not a bad idea. Not bad at all." She turned to Yu. "Hey, where did you find this kid? He's a walking computer."

"On the sidewalk," Yu muttered. "Literally. I found him lying on a sidewalk."

"Well, if I were you I'd hold on to him." Nemuri stole a fry from Yu's plate without asking. "An assistant who analyzes you and compliments you is already hard to find, and if he picks up the check on top of that, even rarer."

"What you really want is to steal him from me," Yu shot back. "And no thanks. I've already got enough with one professional pervert in my life, the one sitting right next to me."

"Aw, so cruel." Nemuri put a hand to her chest, pretending to be offended. "I'm not a pervert, I'm an image artist."

"You're an artist at flashing skin to land on magazine covers," Yu said, narrowing her eyes. "All of Japan knows that costume of yours is just an excuse for the cameras to point at you."

"Look who's talking, the one who designed a kick so her butt looks good in slow motion," Nemuri shot back, never losing her smile. "We both live off the spectacle, sweetheart, the difference is I admit it without turning red."

Izuku, who had been following both sides of the argument with interest, raised a finger.

"If I may, both strategies are valid. One bets on constant visual closeness, the other on the memorable moment of impact. Each one suits its Quirk."

Both heroines turned to look at him at the same time.

"Nobody asked you, brainiac," they said almost in unison, and then glared at each other, annoyed at having agreed on something.

The rest of the dinner was torture for Yu and an endless source of amusement for Nemuri. Between questions, she found out that Izuku was an orphan and that his knowledge of heroes had no bottom. By the time they finished, Yu was mentally exhausted. Nemuri was glowing with happiness, and Izuku looked completely satisfied with how productive the date had turned out.

"Well, it's been a huge pleasure," Nemuri finally said, stretching with the laziness of a well fed cat. She stood up and dropped several bills on the table, despite Izuku's protests. "But I gotta go, my couch and a really bad horror movie are calling my name."

She paused next to Izuku, put a hand on his shoulder, and gave him one last amused look.

"It was a real pleasure meeting you, Izuku Midoriya. I haven't laughed this much in a long time. Call me if you ever get tired of working for the giantess." Her gaze drifted to Yu, who was silently glaring at her. "And you too, Yu. We gotta catch up, there's so much to talk about."

"There's absolutely nothing to talk about," Yu muttered.

"Of course there is. I'm texting you first thing tomorrow." Nemuri pulled Izuku's card out of her pocket and waved it in the air like a trophy. "And just in case, I'm taking this with me. You never know when you'll need an expert, right, Midoriya-kun?"

"Whenever you'd like, Midnight-san," Izuku replied with a small bow. "I handle emergencies."

"Stop flirting with my date!" Yu burst out.

"Ah, so he is your date, not your assistant." Nemuri smiled. "Make up your mind, honey, you're contradicting yourself."

Yu opened her mouth to respond and couldn't find a single thing to say, which made Nemuri laugh one last time, delighted with her own move.

After one last wink directed at Izuku, Nemuri walked off, leaving behind a Yu Takeyama on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

The restaurant's bustle returned to fill the silence.

Yu let out a long, tired sigh that seemed to drain the last of her strength.

"Never again," she declared, pointing at him with an accusing finger. "Next time we're ordering pizza at the office, in an underground bunker, as far away as possible from anywhere there might be cameras."

Izuku watched her, tilting his head.

"Was the food really that bad, dear boss? I had a very interesting conversation with Midnight-san, and you got to spend some time with a friend. I don't see the problem anywhere."

"Socializing? That was a session of psychological torture with a milkshake on the side, not a chat between friends!" she exclaimed, no real strength left to be angry. "She used me as her personal entertainment all night."

"Not exactly," Izuku corrected. "I was the one entertaining her. You were just the main topic of the conversation."

Yu stared at him, narrowing her eyes. She saw his serious expression, his total inability to grasp the social catastrophe that had just happened, and suddenly she didn't have the energy to keep fighting.

"Ugh, forget it. Don't worry about it, brainiac." She leaned back in the seat, feeling the tension finally leave her shoulders. "Okay, fine, it was a nightmare from start to finish. But the food was good, right?"

Izuku smiled back at her.

"Yeah," he admitted. "The food was really good."