Becoming a cinnamon roll?

Apparently Seb's advice and my natural state on hormones was already on the right track to what Alice wanted in a perfect partner.

We were just missing a few key details and time to let some changes happen naturally.

She left me and Seb with a shopping list and a promise to text when she was borrowing my for more focused training.

I had no Idea what she had in store for me when alone, however the shopping list she gave Seb was no such secret.

What was on it had me both nervous and leaking.

Apparently Seb, despite cheating my bodies systems to get me progress and the right mindset, had missed a few things.

I was getting a locking plug with remote vibe and shock setting to start with.

And a few more body mods than either me or Seb had planned.

The money for this was worrying me the most, I was tapped out from all the stuff I already was buying for my transition and Seb had already spent more on me than I felt comfortable.

The saving grace was the time period to get it all done was spaced so it all wouldn't have to be at once.

However, my cock was not scheduled to survive the year. Nor my balls the season.

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Seb had pierced ears was already part of the plan and we got that done on a mall date.

My Adams apple was so also something I assumed would be done eventually, the vocal surgery was something I thought I could get around needing with voice training but Liz was of the opinion that it was better safe than sorry, "Do you really want to go through all this only to have voice crack at the worst time and ruin it." was all it took for me and Seb to be on board.

The short amount of time I couldn't give head during that was something I did my level best to make up for with the rest of my body.

We went back to the club a few more times and I learned a lot about being a sub.

The only thing I didn't need to be taught how to do better was to obey. Not sure why they would have to teach a sub that, it was the whole point of being one. Dom leads you follow. If something goes wrong that's what first aid and 911 are for.

Besides, anytime I would freak out that something was too much I'd do what I did growing up when things were getting too much with the bullies and other issues. Detach from my body, clench down on and control any pain or emotion, analyze and sort what is need to move forward, block everything else.

It didn't happen a lot, I enjoyed so much of what was happening, but when It did I was still able to obey and that's what was important couldn't let anything stop me from progress, not even me.

We still had plenty to get through after all.

I was getting hotter and hornier everyday but I wasn't anywhere close to ready.

Liz said I needed to be 'the hottest lesbian porn star in the bed room and a complete cinnamon roll out of it.'

Oddly enough my first outing with Liz involved both and in a way that also made me have to Detach myself.

Which is where we ran into my first big problem that Seb had missed.

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"We are doing what?" I couldn't have heard her right.

"Shooting a porno, not for us to put out,-"

Thank God

"-For us to review and compare to examples. The first couple we are doing a scene where you are the guy character and I'm the chick. We are going to do some where we are both chicks later."

Fuck, what the hell, "Why?? HOW!?"

"To compare-"

"I got that, I mean my bits down there aren't quite up to standard for either roll to be played convincingly, for very different reasons."

"Oh don't worry I have stuff to help with that. Now hold still I need to unlock you."

I didn't know why but getting unlocked for this had me scared and I didn't know why.

The more she got me ready for my part the more I freaked out on the inside. But I wouldn't let it show.

Objectively my first erection in a long while hurt and felt good, what ever she was rubbing on to bring it back to life was incredible.

The sight of it at full mast made my stomach drop how ever.

Cumming like a guy had become underwhelming compared to what me and Seb had been getting up to, but I did my best for the camera, Liz claimed it would help me so I was going make this work.

The more and more we got towards the Girl on Girl scenes the more and more comfortable I got.

By the time I was ramming a strap-on into her my freak out was gone but It still felt weird to be on top.

The whole thing confused me.

Thankfully she explained as we reviewed the footage and ate frozen yogurt.

"This whole little exercise was to serve a number of purposes, most important to me was that you got to have sex as a guy at least once before I sent you to get snipped, I would have felt guilty otherwise worrying about what ifs and such. The other was to gauge where you naturally fall on the top/bottom and masc/fem spectrum naturally. Not only do I want to know how much work is needed but if its even possible. Got to say from feeling you and how you acted in the moment I'm stumped. Are you sure you not a vers and just didn't know?"

"Sex as a guy, overrated, but if ordered I can do it. I can even do being in charge but eh, I'll leave that to people like you and Seb."

"Really? Don't have to make banging a hottie like me sound like such a chore."

"Don't get me wrong that was my favorite part."

"Then what was the problem?"

"I just didn't like my part of it, Like swap our roles and perfect."

"You sure you're not just saying that because you think its what I want to hear?"

"You really think I'm going to-"

"Hold that thought." She cuts me off and clicks on one of the camera angle's time line and rolling it forward. "there's more footage here than there should be."

" I probably forgot to turn off that POV gear you had me do for that one shot. Never used one of them before, you can just delete what ever is on there after the scen-" I try to act casual but if its what I think it is, I really don't want her to see it.

"Sure give me a sec to-" My excuse is too late and in the timeline preview she can now see what I was worried about. "What's this?"

When I can't think of anything to say fast enough she clicks the play button and I freeze, I don't want to see this again, I went through it the first time. But I don't have alot of options but top sit there with her as it plays.

Showing me staring in her bathroom mirror and confronting my shame.

"ITs ok, everything is ok, we have to be ok. THis can't be what breaks us/ this is not who I am anymore.

Just one more scene and I can get back to me, right?

Why does this hurt so much, it feels good, I've been a guy before, fuck I was one most my life!

I could barely hold it together through that last scene,fuck fuck fuck......I'll be ok. Just turn it off, you've done this before. Blank it out we are ok. We are ok, ok-"

Its a mercy when she stops it as I started crying and shaking. Both in the clip and now in the present.

"Kris?" she asks as she reaches out a hand. I'm too freaked out right now to take the gesture for what it is and my mind has decided flight is the option now that both my control and freeze have failed.

"Its was just a breakdown, I don't even know why, Its not that big a deal. I've-I've got to go." I ramble out as I push her hand away and go to leave.

I'm up and out the door before she can do anything. Both because of how our chairs were and the fact I was already redressed while she was nude.

I had needed my fem clothes after all those scenes as different types of masc stereotypes, by the time we got to the stuff I was more comfortable with I was already raddled and it stayed with me even as I tried my best to avoid it.

I'm not sure where I'm going but I just start walking, we are in the better part of town, her living in an apartment above one of the hipster coffee shops that rolled in the last few years.

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