Light - FIFTH YEAR - An Act of Rebellion

27 April 1998

Educational Decree Twenty-Eight instated Dolores Umbridge as the new Headmaster of Hogwarts.

As a direct result, the students were in almost open rebellion.

A week ago, the Weasley twins left the school in spectacular fashion. The Portable Swamp they created was still taking up residence in the Charms Corridor.

And now, exactly one week later, you and your girlfriend were looking to outdo them. Anonymously, of course. Neither of you had any wish of being expelled. And what you were about to do was certainly an expulsion worthy offense. Even before Umbridge instated her excessive and insufferable Educational Decrees. But the new headmaster would actually have to CATCH YOU if she wanted to expel you… and that was where the true genius of your public act of rebellion came into play.

“Ready for this?” you prompted as you stood close to your girlfriend in a very special broom closet.

“Sure,” Katie Bell agreed, “But why’re we doing it during lunch?”

“Because doing it during class would be disrespectful to our esteemed professors,” you answered, “who take roll… and would therefore know who’s missing. By doing it during lunch, more students are unaccounted for, and we’re directly disrespecting the new headmaster by flouting her Educational Decree Thirty-One. The competent professors aren’t lifting a finger to help her maintain order anymore, so we’ll have a large audience of students coming from the Great Hall to witness her public failure.”

She nodded and saw your points, “Alright. I’m game.” That was the fun thing about dating a Gryffindor girl… especially this particularly bold witch; if given a half-decent reason, and you built up to it properly… she was game for pretty much anything.

You affectionately referred to her as Kinky Katie. She claimed you were the catalyst for her sexual awakening, but the two of you fed off of each other. You’d find yourself treading through deep water in yet another steamy situation… and the Gryffindor girl would dive in after you, eager to be involved and get dirty alongside you. Or she’d come up with an impulsive idea for something she wanted to try… and you’d orchestrate things to make that music happen.

This was the adventurous witch who drank your Gillyweed Potion so she could spend an hour underwater learning how to go down on a mermaid.

Katie grinned impishly, “And I brought this along to make things even more fun!” She showed you a vial filled with a familiar golden potion. “Want me to use it? Say the magic words!”

You smiled indulgently, “My favourite thing to eat… is Katie Bell’s honey-flavored cunny.”

She beamed, “There’s my charming Parselmouth.” She happily downed the Colour Change Potion and you watched as a honey-gold hue overtook her faintly tanned skin.

Ironically, the Colour Change Potion was clear at the end of the brewing process. What influenced the colour it turned a person was the final key ingredient. The official, traditional recipe called for a paint chip of the desired colour and shade. However, you discovered in your own research that if you added two tablespoons of SALT - a mundane cooking ingredient known for enhancing flavors - during the final stage when the colour was draining from the potion, then when the final key ingredient was added to the salty, clear potion… not only would it influence the pigment of the drinker’s skin, but also the flavor of their skin. If you used a paint chip in a salty Colour Change Potion… the coloured skin would taste like paint, but if you used a specifically coloured food… like a rich, sweet, golden honey… then the drinker’s skin would not only turn gold… but would also taste like rich, sweet honey!

And so, you found yourself in a broom closet with a honey-flavored, blonde witch who resembled an animated gold statue in a Gryffindor uniform. Two black robes sat folded atop your school bags on the other side of the four-foot-wide closet.

“One final touch, honey bear,” you added. The term of endearment would typically be entirely too sweet for your tastes, but given your present situation, it was thematically appropriate. You pointed your wand at your girlfriend’s throat. Normally, a Gryffindor might be wary of a Slytherin pointing their wand at such a vital area… but you two were special and had overcome the rivals-to-lovers boundary. You twisted your wand like you were turning a dial, then flicked it down two times, and intoned, “Octavus!”

“~What’s tha–OH!~” Katie’s voice was now two octaves deeper, “~Right… now they won’t recognise me by the sound of my screams. Hey, I sound like Angie now. Hem hem! Gaunt, you are the single-most insufferable Slytherin in the school!~” It was a fair impression of your rival Quidditch Captain that matched her usual tone and cadence, expertly performed by her teammate for nearly five years. “~Now assume the position, lover boy!~”

You knelt in front of her while she braced herself against the wall, then balanced on one foot as she raised her other leg, and draped it over your shoulder.

The nearest prefect badges began to ‘Ping!’ when you placed your hand on the Chaser’s shapely, athletic thigh. Not yours. You left your badge back in your dorm room and hadn’t worn it since the change in administration. When Umbridge became headmaster, she instated the Inquisitorial Squad - whose members carried authority that outstripped prefects. A handful of your ambitious Slytherin housemates clamored to join the squad for the quick grab of temporary power, which they now took great pleasure in abusing.

You no longer wore your badge as a form of protest for her invalidating the prefect system that existed in the school for centuries. Even if you spent more time snogging in the Hogwarts broom closets than all your Slytherin yearmates put together, you earned your badge. You were an established figure in the Slytherin common room. A scholar, an athlete, and a socialite all rolled into one. That’s why the majority of the first year Slytherins still came to you for advice. The school’s magic still recognised you as a responsible authority figure, granting you the customary privileges that came with it, which Umbrisge’s Ministry-appointed squad didn’t carry.

Once you were settled, your Gryffindor girlfriend hiked up her short skirt to reveal her scarlet knickers. You took a few seconds to admire the view of the snug, red fabric stretched across her crotch, then hooked your finger on the edge and pulled the curtain aside to reveal the golden petals of her flower… and yes, even the normally soft, pink interior got the King Midas treatment. Pulling her knickers further aside revealed a gold point that expanded into an inch-wide triangle of golden pubic hair, then sharply tapered into a thin half-inch strip. An arrow.

“~You caught me!~” Katie exclaimed in her deeper, richer voice, “~I’m an Arrows fan now!~” So were you. “~And I’m not just saying that because Gemma lets me shower with them when we visit! They’re two matches from winning their first League Championship! I thought I’d officially throw my lot in with them and show my support.~” You smiled. Dating this wily and witty witch brought you no end of amusement.

“I’m sorry that you’re going to miss lunch,” you apologised, “But I’m about to enjoy a sweet feast!” You extended your tongue and gave her a long lick. There was no trace of salt, just the bold, sweet flavor of Katie Bell’s honeypot.

And while you didn’t immediately hear them, you knew that the second an eighteen-year-old fifth year made such intimate contact with a soon-to-be nineteen-year-old sixth year… all the prefect badges down in the Great Hall started RINGING. In the muggle world, it would be perfectly legal for two eighteen-year-olds to engage in such an activity. But in Hogwarts and the Wizarding world… where the legal age was nineteen… this was HIGHLY inappropriate sexual contact by two underage students.

“~Hmmmm! Huuuuhhhh!~” Katie moaned huskily as you got her started and licked the length of her sweet slit.

“What’s going on?” voices rose from four floors below you as the first prefects at the scene arrived at the bottom of the Grand Staircase.

Rrrrrrrriiiiingggggg! Rrrrrrriiiiiingggg! Rrrriiiiiiiiingggg! Prefect badges could be beard ringing from four floors below you.

“Someone’s going at it on the phantom landing,” Hannah Abbott reported. The Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables were closest to the doors in and out of the Great Hall and your fellow fifth year prefect’s advanced arrival meant she’d been sitting toward the end of her house table, thus why her badge was one of the first to ‘Ping!’, drawing the Hufflepuff out of the Great Hall to find the delinquents.

“Umbridge took down all the portraits!” her male counterpart - Ernie Macmillan - exclaimed. “How’re we supposed to get up there?”

“That sounds like a problem for the headmaster, if you ask me,” Abbott concluded. Both she and Macmillan were proud members of the anti-Umbridge study group; Dumbledore’s Army.

Rrrrrrrriiiiingggggg! Rrrrrrriiiiiingggg! Rrrriiiiiiiiingggg!

Yes, you chose the location for your act of rebellion carefully. Located on a fourth-floor landing in the middle of the Grand Staircase, it was by far the most public and well-known of the Hogwarts Broom Closet Club’s four ‘Legendary’ broom closets. None of the moving staircases would go directly to the ‘phantom landing’. The path was a puzzle, a multi-dimensional maze spanning seven stories crafted by Rowena Ravenclaw herself when she enchanted the Grand Staircase. The path involved going through a doorway off the staircase that randomly moved between landings, inverting your orientation, walking UPSIDE DOWN along the bottom of a staircase, and stepping in and out of multiple linked portraits. Those key linked portraits were no longer hanging, thanks to the interference of Hogwarts’ new Ministry-appointed headmaster.

Thus, even if one of the gathered prefects below DID know the way through the maze to the closet you were currently occupying, Umbridge unknowingly rendered the path unpassable… unless you were Marvolo Gaunt - President of the Hogwarts Broom Closet Club and Kissing King of Hogwarts; unsung accolades which you held above both your prefect badge AND your Quidditch Captain badge.

And so, your bout of sexual rebellion was done with the reassuring knowledge that both you and your girlfriend would remain safely out of Umbridge’s reach the entire time.

Rrrrrrrriiiiingggggg! Rrrrrrriiiiiingggg! Rrrriiiiiiiiingggg!

“~HAAAAAHHH! YEEEEESSS!~” Kinky Katie crooned. It wasn’t your first time stirring this eager witch’s cauldron, and like the true Potions prodigy people hailed you as, you developed some special tricks to make your ‘brewing technique’ more effective. Chief among them, Katie’s honey-flavored cunny had some notably sensitive ‘sweet spots’, which you made sure to focus on and pay extra attention to as you shifted your nimble, flexible Parseltongue through her golden folds. “~HUUAAHH! HUUAAH!~” Your girlfriend’s masked moans grew louder and more enthusiastic. “~OOOOOHH YEEEAAH!~”

Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnggggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! The telltale ringing grew louder to match as more prefects with ringing badges left the Great Hall and joined the crowd of gawkers four floors down.

“They might be under nineteen, but someone obviously knows what they’re doing,” Prefect Pansy Parkinson noted. True to Form, the Queen Bee of the Slytherin girls couldn’t resist sticking her nose into the situation. “Lucky bitch is clearly enjoying herself.”

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!?” For the last two weeks, new Headmaster Dolores Umbridge had been struggling to control a chaotic castle full of rebelling teenagers wielding magic. Her only assistance came from Filch and her Inquisitorial Squad. The competent and qualified members of the staff weren’t lifting a finger to assist the new head. As a result, Umbridge was being run ragged and the usual sickly sweet, high-pitched little girl voice she was fond of using when condescending and talking down to everyone was gone, and in its place was the frantic shout of a frazzled, middle-aged woman rapidly reaching the end of her rope.

Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnggggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg!

Now that the guest of dishonor had arrived, you decided to up your game. You wiggled your tongue and hissed in Parseltongue as you pressed the appendage against Katie’s sweet G-spot. §Heart§ A pleasurable jolt of heart magic shot through Katie’s wet quim, and - RUNG HER BELL - then spread through the rest of her body causing her to convulse against the wall.

Knowing that her part of the plan was to wail like a banshee and cause a commotion, Katie didn’t hold back and howled for everyone down at the bottom of the stairway to hear as you brought her over the edge. “~AAAHHHH! AAAAAHH! AAAAAHH! OOOH MERLIN, YEEESSSS!~” Katie’s cunt clenched as she cried out and came. And while your girlfriend’s cum hadn’t gotten the same ‘honey’ treatment as her skin, you still found it delicious because of who produced it. There was no sweeter reward after a job well done than your Gryffindor girlfriend’s cream. “~Haaaaahhhh… haaaaaahhhh… haaaaaahhhh…~”

“Someone’s violating Educational Decree Thirty-One,” Pansy Parkinson, the self-proclaimed leader of the Inquisitorial Squad reported. She was the only member with both a prefect badge and an inquisitorial badge.

Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnggggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg!

You felt it was worth noting that while the gathered prefect badges were all still ringing and causing a racket, the inquisitorial badges were completely silent… because there were no special charms on them. They might grant Umbridge’s special squad more power while she was in charge of the school, but the badges were only a chunk of metal meant for show. Plain, ordinary badges, which perfectly showcased their creator’s lack of imagination, creativity, and magical skill. In comparison to the new headmistress’ uninspired inquisitorial badges, Hermione Granger’s D.A. coins were linked to each other and enchanted with the N.E.W.T. level Protean Charm to show meeting times. And she hadn’t sat her O.W.L. exams yet! One witch had talent… the other obviously didn’t.

“Why are all you prefects standing around?” Umbridge demanded, “Go get them!”

“We can’t,” Pansy replied, “That’s the phantom landing.” You saw and heard Pansy Parkinson practically every day. And despite all the loud ringing badges, you could hear the bitchy undertone in her voice that said; ‘I know I’m being unhelpful, but you brought this upon yourself!’ “None of the moving staircases will go to it. The only way to reach it is through a roundabout maze all across the Grand Staircase. I tried getting to it last term, but couldn’t figure out the right path. I think it involved going through a portrait or two. You decided to remove all the portraits when they refused to spy for you, so that’s moot.”

“Then how did THEY get up there!?”

“I don’t know!” Pansy exclaimed, “You’re the headmaster, you tell me!”

You decided to spur Umbridge into taking action that would ultimately result in her public humiliation and failure, so you kept licking Katie, focused on another of her sweet spots, and fed her another jolt of Parseltongue. §Heart§

Still sensitive from her recent orgasm, Katie quivered around you and shrieked loudly as you sent physical and magical jolts of pleasure coursing through her. “~HWWAAAHH! HERE WE GO AGAIN! Haaaaahhhh! Haaaaaahhhh! HyyyaaAAAHHHH!~”

Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnggggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! The prefect badges kept ringing as you continued to flagrantly flout the Ministry’s rule over the school.

“Enough of this nonsense!” Umbridge snapped, “I’m Headmaster of Hogwarts. I’ll stop this myself.” You assumed she attempted to climb the stairs to the fourth-floor landing. But the short, toad-like woman was stopped when she reached the third floor and tried to journey upward. “Over there!” She tried to order the stone staircase. “Bring me over there. I am Headmaster Dolores Jane Umbridge!”

But much like how the headmaster’s office refused to admit the Ministry appointee, the moving staircase refused to heed the orders of the acting headmaster and remained stationary. Not even the school supported Dolores Umbridge.

That was probably why her squad members couldn’t enter the prefects’ bathrooms. They might have been given the passwords, but the unimaginative i-shaped bits of metal pinned to their robes wielded no magical authority within the school. Only Parkinson could successfully bypass the bathroom barrier since she was already a school-recognised prefect beforehand. Prefects could authorise other students of the same sex to enter their bathroom, but the Inquisitorial Squad’s names kept being mysteriously erased whenever they were added.

Watching Draco get flung across the hall when he tried to enter the boy prefects’ bathroom had been highly amusing.

Umbridge tried to **** her hand to control the school… and the magical school - created by four of the most renowned witches and wizards of their age, and flooded with generations of ambient magic - fought back and resisted the student-abusing head’s unearned authority right along with the students.

You paid her public floundering no mind and continued to tongue the honey-sweet slit of your partner-in-crime. You focused on your heartfelt appreciation for her, not just any girl would be willing to make a semi-public spectacle of herself, swirled your tongue through her honey-cunny, passing your vibrating tongue over as many of her sweet spots as you could manage. §HEART§

“~I’M CUMMING AGAIN!~” Katie proudly informed the gathered crowd below, and shrieked like a banshee as she gushed around your tongue and rode the wave of her second climax. “~AAAHHHH! AAAAAHH! HUUUAAHH!!~”

“The banshee’s cum two times already!” Parkinson - a shrieking banshee in her own right - remarked loud enough to be heard over the ringing prefect badges.

Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnggggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg! Rrrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnngggggggg!

The irritating headmaster huffed irritably and shouted across the stairwell from the opposite fourth-floor landing, “Misbehaving students! You are hereby EXPELLED from Hogwarts! Exit the closet now so you can be banished from the premises!”

This gave your blonde partner pause, but you kissed her southern lips reassuringly as she panted from her second climax, then supported her position propped against the wall as you rose from your knees, and stood in front of her.

“It’s an empty threat,” you reassured her. “She has to fill out the proper forms to expel us. And she can’t do that if she doesn’t know our names.” You kissed her. “Now what do you say we really stick it to the man?”

“~I hope, by that, you mean stick it in me,~” Katie countered, “~You’ve got me randy and ready to go!~”

That kind of attitude was what convinced you that you loved this girl. Where else would you find a bold witch who’d let you shag her in a broom closet to make the new headmaster look even more inept in front of the school she was already struggling to control?

You undid your belt and unleashed your serpent. She wrapped her arms around your shoulders, nuzzled her cheek against yours, and wrapped her raised leg around the back of your thigh to draw you in as you lined your stiff snake up with her wet cave and slid inside.

“~OH FUUUCK!~” Katie swore loudly for the gathered portion of the school to hear. The prefect badges went from ringing to BLARING like alarms signaling a prisoner’s escape from Azkaban - something that had become disturbingly frequent in the last two years.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

Katie’s warm, wet, tight channel welcomed you and embraced you like a devoted spouse greeting their partner after an extended time apart. Your hands went to Katie’s waist and you held the precious girl carefully as you began to pump in and out of her. Katie’s cries filled the closet and echoed across the stairwell, joining the chaotic cacophony of the blaring prefect badges. “~AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! AAAAH!~”

“Well, that’s a big ‘fuck you!’ if I ever heard one,” Pansy couldn’t help blurting out. “It sounds like the lucky bitch is getting shagged now.”

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“WHAT DID YOU SAY!?” Umbridge demanded over the shrieking siren pinned to Pansy’s chest.

“I said it sounds like she’s getting shagged now!”

Katie groaned loudly as you pumped into her. “~UUUGGH! UUUGGHH! UUUGGHHH!~”

“BEFORE THAT!”

“I’m sorry, headmaster, I can’t hear you from down here,” Pansy apologised, “These badges are ringing quite loud. This seems like a direct attack against your authority. You should really do something about it.”

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“ENOUGH OF THIS!” Umbridge yelled again after the double dose of goading from you and Katie and then a chaser from Parkinson, “If you won’t come out to face justice, then I’ll **** you out!” You paused your thrusts long enough to listen for how this ‘brilliant’ plan worked out for the incompetent headmaster. “BOMBARDA!”

There was a ‘BOOM!’ from beyond the closet door as the witch fired a Blasting Curse across the stairwell. But then there was an audible ‘WOOSH!’ as the curse reflected off the bannister and sent back the way it came.

“GYAAAAHHH!” Umbridge shrieked and dove to avoid her own blasting curse as it exploded the spot where she’d previously been standing. Cheers and laughter rang out from below as the hated headmaster nearly succeeded in exploding herself. She completely lost her temper and shrieked in outrage, “YOU HOOLIGANS! I’LL HAVE YOU IN AZKABAN FOR ATTACKING THE HEADMASTER!”

“It was your spell, moron.”

“WHO SAID THAT!?” Umbridge demanded over the shrieking perfect badges, turning her attention to one of the students she could control, since you and Katie were safely out of her reach.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“It was Abbott!” Parkinson was quick to cast blame elsewhere.

“It was YOU, you snitch!” Abbott retorted.

“Miss. Parkinson, get up here and I’ll levitate you across,” Umbridge ordered.

“I can’t go flying across the stairwell!” Pansy refused, “I’m wearing a skirt! Send Draco, he’s at least wearing trousers! I’ll even help you levitate him!”

Wow. Parkinson was throwing EVERYONE under the Knight Bus, but - in her minimal defense - the Levitation Charm was designed to make objects fly. A skilled or powerful spellcaster could potentially levitate small creatures or small children, but Dolores Umbridge was neither skilled nor powerful.

The common workaround for levitating people was to levitate their clothing. It was your O.W.L. year and Parkinson was fairly gifted when it came to Charms. She knew this and - even if she was using the Skirt Obscurus Charm to shroud underneath her skirt - she was aware enough to realise that having her robes and uniform levitated would cause her skirt to fly up and expose her knickers to everyone below her.

Umbridge realised the difference between a skirt and trousers and called the Slytherin Seeker up to her. “Mr. Malfoy, up here. You can handle flying across a stairwell.”

Your former roommate was being goaded. Draco couldn’t turn down his part in the toad-like headmaster’s harebrained scheme without losing face in front of everyone. He would have been better off if he had.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

The prefect badges shrieked as you shagged your girlfriend. Meanwhile, the two most prominent members of the Inquisitorial Squad climbed the stairs and got in position. “~AAAHHH! AUUUUHHH! AAAUUUHH!~” Katie’s continued caterwauling showed your audience that Umbridge and her squad’s intervention wasn’t intimidating to you at all. “~AUUUGGH! AUUGGHH! I’M GONNA CUM AGAIN!~” The Chaser’s snatch clutched you in the most intimate of warm embraces, and you did your part to be an accommodating boyfriend and bring her over the edge again. Since you were ‘performing’ for an assembled host of students, you needed to be at your best.

You ignored the joint cry of “Wingardium Leviosa!” from Umbridge and Parkinson, and continued to hammer away at Katie as headmaster and her chief inquisitor levitated Draco Malfoy across the Grand Staircase.

“~I’M CUMMING! I’M CUMMING!~” Katie shrieked as she came for a third time. “~AUUUGGH! AUUGGHH! AUUUGHH! AUUUUGGHH!~”

You also ignored the telltale ‘WOOSH!’ as Draco met the same fate as Umbridge’s exploding curse and was flung back across the stairwell and slammed into the wall with a loud ‘THUNK!’ accompanied by a yelp of pain.

More cheers rang out as the least popular member of the Inquisitorial Squad’s crash landing. Draco Malfoy’s fifth year was going rather poorly. He lost out on prefect and Quidditch Captain, Hermione Granger was still out-scoring him in every class, Harry Potter punched his lights out with most of the school watching, and he was learning that having the resurrected Dark Lord as a houseguest wasn’t the lofty honor he thought it would be. Especially with you undercutting the Dark Half-Blood’s reputation in the Slytherin common room. You’d goaded Draco into enough arguments in the common room about his houseguest that most of Slytherin was aware that Umbridge’s claims that Harry Potter was a liar and that the Dark Lord hadn’t returned were a total crock. Only the shortsighted took Umbrige’s offered inquisitorial badges, because they knew the new headmaster and the current Ministry administration would be gone once the truth inevitably came to light.

“CLOSET COUPLE - TWO, UMBRIDGE - ZERO!” Lee Jordan shouted from the ground floor. If the Quidditch commentator had left the Great Hall to witness the spectacle, then you knew the crowd had grown monumentally.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“I don’t know, Lee!” Lavender Brown - known busybody - corrected the commentator, “If the ‘closet girl’ came three times in spite of the headmaster’s attempts at defense, then I’d say that’s three more points in the closet couple’s favor! Lover boy knows what he’s doing! That’d score points with me!”

“I STAND CORRECTED!” Jordan shouted over the BLARING prefect badges, “CLOSET COUPLE - FIVE, UMBRIDGE - ZERO! HOW WILL THE MINISTRY ADMINISTRATION RESPOND TO THIS?”

“THROW MALFOY AT THEM AGAIN!” Gryffindor Prefect Ron Weasley yelled ‘helpfully’ to the headmaster while others laughed at the prospect of Draco Malfoy being flung across the stairwell like a lawn gnome, “MAYBE IT’LL WORK A SECOND TIME!” If Ron Weasley abandoned his lunch to watch Umbridge’s fail spectacularly, you weren’t sure how many students were left in the Great Hall.

You chuckled quietly to Katie, “It sounds like we’re in route to another classic Gaunt Shutout.”

“~Heh… heh…~” your Quidditch rival quietly panted in reply, “~It’s nice being on the other side of one of those.~” Then Bell took a long, deep breath and raised her voice to BELLT and outright taunt the headmaster, “~THIS IS THE GREATEST THING TO HAPPEN TO ME SINCE THAT BITCH TOOK OVER!~”

“I think she’s talking about you!” Pansy stage whispered to the headmaster. And by ‘stage whispered’, you meant shouted over her shrieking prefect badge.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

Katie giggled quietly against your ear and whispered in her deeper voice that was beginning to grow raspy from all her shrieking, “~You know, Parkinson doesn’t seem quite as evil when she’s standing next to Umbridge.~” That meant something coming from Katie, who had never exactly been on ‘friendly’ terms with your Slytherin yearmate. You pulled back and smirked, causing realisation to strike the Gryffindor, “~…aand that’s exactly why she does it.~”

“Simple question: who would you rather have in this broom closet?”

“~Ugh. Parkinson’s literally making herself the lesser of two evils.~”

“Have you at least figured out who’s in there yet!?” the lesser of two evils inquired. “I’m sure everyone’s dying to know who’s getting expelled! That sounds like it’s the banshee’s normal shrieking volume. When someone uses the Sonorous Charm to amplify their voice, there’s a magical resonance to it.” Pansy Parkinson was a known authority on shrieking loudly. Also a surprisingly beautiful singer. “Oh, by the by, you’d be the one to ask… does Azkaban allow conjugal visits now that the Dementors have gone rogue and all the most dangerous **** Eaters have escaped?”

“****!” Hufflepuff Quidditch Captain Megan Jones shouted up at her.

“SHUT IT, JONES!” Pansy snapped, those two never could get along. “FIVE POINTS FROM HUFFLEPUFF!”

Umbridge was caught on Pansy’s first question and the Slytherin prefect’s provided expertise on the Amplifying Charm, so she ignored the other one about wanting to visit you in prison, and the ensuing point loss for the Hufflepuff who did catch it. The headmaster focused on determining the identity of the mystery ‘banshee’ and put all her dubious mental prowess into that.

Katie had been performing in front of the school on the Quidditch pitch for five Hogwarts Quidditch seasons, so she didn’t necessarily mind attention. However, she typically didn’t shout and carry on. Of the three Gryffindor Chasers, Angelina was the loud one. Especially after becoming the Gryffindor Captain this year.

Maybe because it was so out-of-character for Katie to be the one in the closet that the toad-like headmaster jumped to a convenient conclusion based on the familiar sound of her altered voice? She took a swing, and missed. “JOHNSON! I RECOGNISE YOUR VOICE, YOU HARLOT! IT’S YOU AND ONE OF THOSE TWINS INSULTING THIS INSTITUTION! COME OUT NOW, AND I’LL EXPEL YOU LIKE THOSE TWO WEASLEY HOOLIGANS!”

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

Katie sucked in a breath, having no wish to get her friend and Quidditch Captain in trouble. But you knew from watching her on the Quidditch pitch for five years that Angelina Johnson was perfectly capable of defending herself.

“~I’M DOWN HERE, YOU COW!~” The real Angelina Johnson yelled over the shrieking alarms from down at the bottom of the staircase in her natural voice, which was a close mirror to Katie’s altered one. “~And if it was me in that closet with one or both of the twins, the badges wouldn’t be going off! BECAUSE THE THREE OF US ARE ALL OF AGE! I’M A SEVENTH YEAR! I TURNED TWENTY LAST OCTOBER!~”

On the same wavelength with your girlfriend, you smirked as Kinky Katie’s brown eyes danced at the prospect of her three longtime teammates in a closet together in a much more entangled position than you were in. If anyone could conceivably take on both Fred and George Weasley at the same time… it was Angelina Johnson.

“And a miss by Umbridge,” Lee Jordan commented in Angelina’s defense. “Umbridge - zero, closet couple - six.”

“I… erm…” the repeated public failures were starting to weigh on her, and she strove to control the rebelling students she could see, “six points from Gryffindor for calling the Headmaster a cow!”

”~You called me a harlot, you bigoted piece of–~”

“Gryffindor has no points left!”

Angelina was saved from being properly punished by the timely arrival of her Head of House, “Neither does Ravenclaw, nor Hufflepuff.”

“~I can’t do it with McGonagall down there,~” Katie quickly and quietly protested, “~It’d be like doing it with my gran listening.~”

Out of respect for Professor McGonagall - and to save your girlfriend from having a hard time looking at her grandmother - you heeded her request and pulled out. The wailing alarms finally went quiet.

RIIIINGRIIIING—

“The only house with any points left is Slytherin,” the Transfiguration professor continued, “That is precisely what happens when you give a squad of irresponsible students uncontested control over the House Point System.”

“Nonsense,” Umbridge denied the obvious, as had become the norm of the current Ministry administration. “I personally vetted every member of my Inquisitorial Squad. They’re all model students from proper families.” Yup. Crabbe and Goyle. Model students. They lost count of how many points they took the first day they got their badges. The Inquisitorial Squad was like seven Professor Snapes actively sabotaging the rest of the school. In two weeks, they rendered the House Cup pointless and made the precious gemstones in the hourglasses worthless. “Minerva, there are two rulebreakers trapped in that closet! Where are the rest of the teachers?”

“We remained in the Great Hall to keep the younger students contained so they would not witness whatever debauchery you’re allowing to take place in that broom closet. You’re the headmaster and you have the Inquisitorial Squad - whom you so proudly vouched for - to assist you. We’ll trust you have the matter well in hand.”

“I… but… Minerva!” Umbridge called out again in a strained version of her condescending little girl voice, “You’ve been at this school far longer than I have. Do you know how those two delinquents could have reached that landing if parts of the pathway have been removed? Tell me how to get to it so those criminals can be properly punished.”

“I’m afraid my hands are tied, Dolores,” the Transfiguration professor replied unhelpfully, “Educational Decree Twenty-Six strictly forbids teachers from giving information not related to the subject they were hired to teach.”

“Now that’s malicious compliance if I ever heard it,” you whispered to Katie.

“TO THE STUDENTS!” Umbridge whined as her little girl voice shattered, “I AM THE HEADMASTER!”

“You may be, but there are over four dozen students gathered in this stairwell.” You were going to trust the Transfiguration professor’s count. Around fifty. Not the enormous turnout you initially thought, but a big enough audience of older students that your absence wouldn’t be noticed unless someone was specifically searching for you… which some people could be, but you and Katie could concoct an alibi before you resurfaced. “Even if I knew a way to reach that landing, I’m afraid I could never divulge such information in front of so many witnesses who might then use it themselves. If you find yourself outmatched by an enchanted staircase, then try asking someone who was there when it was constructed. They could provide you with the valuable insight you’re obviously lacking.”

Move over, Parkinson! The Head of Gryffindor House - and registered cat animagus - was the true queen of catty, backhanded insults. By your count, she just publicly questioned Umbridge’s intelligence twice in two sentences.

Umbridge proved how far she was out of her intellectual depth by sputtering, “What do you mean?”

“The ghosts,” Parkinson supplied, “She’s talking about the ghosts.”

“The Bloody Baron was among Hogwarts’ first students,” Draco recovered from being flung across the stairwell and shared the not-so-secret history of Slytherin’s patron ghost.

The two fifth years grasping the Transfiguration professor’s point before the new headmaster was another public insult to Umbridge’s intelligence. Or perhaps, it was a demonstration of Umbridge’s waning grip of her sanity?

“He could also float through the wall and see who’s in the closet!” Pansy exclaimed, showing the thirsty witch’s true motive for helping out.

“Then hurry up and summon the baron!” Umbridge ordered.

“I’ll leave this to you, headmaster,” Professor McGonagall announced her departure. “Although, I do hope those two troublemakers were at least responsible enough to use a Contraceptive Potion.”

You and Katie shared a grin, phrased like it was almost as if the straight-laced deputy headmaster was telling you to carry on in your quest to publicly humiliate the headmaster. Once again on the same wavelength as your girlfriend, you pulled back enough so Katie could do a little hop and wrap BOTH her legs around your waist. She clutched your shoulders while you held her waist and carried her to the closet door and braced her against it. When she was safely lodged against it, you reached down to line yourself up then sheathed your slick wand in her hot, tight holster. It wasn’t the same fifteen inches of your aspen, horned serpent core wand… but Katie still gave an appreciative groan as you sank your length back into her.

“~HUUUGGHH!~” You began to pump into her again and this time Katie’s moans were accompanied by the repeated ‘THUNK’ of your bodies slamming into a wooden door. “~AAAAH! AAUUUUGGH! HAAAAA! HAAAAA!~”

Meanwhile, the prefect badges went back to shrieking like warning bells.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“AND AFTER A BRIEF BREAK, THE CLOSET COUPLE IS BACK FOR ROUND TWO!” Lee Jordan shouted over the chaos and recounted the unseen action for the gathered audience. “THERE’S A DYNAMIC DUO WHO CAN NEVER BE ACCUSED OF HAVING PERFORMANCE ANXIETY!”

“ENOUGH, JORDAN! THAT’LL BE–”

“~FUCK YOU, UMBRIDGE!~” Katie saved her housemate by drawing Umbrige’s ire back to her. “~HAA! HAAA! HAAAA!! YOU’RE AN UGLY TOAD! HAA! HAAA! WHO HASN’T BEEN SHAGGED IN TWO DECADES!~”

A collection of gasps, cheers, and laughter rang from below as Bell tore into the abusive headmaster like most of them wished they could.

“HAHAHA! THAT’S BRILLIANT!” Ron Weasley’s laughter was louder than the rest.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“I… you…” the headmaster sputtered, “YOU HARLOT! I’LL LEAVE YOU WITH FILCH WHILE WE WAIT FOR THE AURORS TO ARRIVE! I’LL SEE TO IT THAT YOU TWO WRETCHED BEASTS ARE BEATEN BEFORE YOU’RE TURNED OVER!”

You felt Katie tense and knew the witty witch had a scathing comeback at the ready. You paused your thrusts so she could get it all out uninterrupted.

“~GOTTA CATCH US FIRST, TOADFACE!~” Katie retorted, “~NOTHING YOU DO WILL CHANGE THE FACT THAT YOU’RE GOING TO DIE ALONE SURROUNDED BY YOUR COLLECTIONS OF CAT PLATES! YOU COULDN’T EVEN GET ON AS A MANGY CAT LADY BECAUSE NO SELF-RESPECTING CAT WOULD WILLINGLY SPEND TIME WITH A SOULLESS MONSTROSITY LIKE YOU! EVEN THE DEMENTORS - THE FOUL, SOUL-SUCKING DEMONS THAT THEY ARE - ABANDONED THE MINISTRY TO GET AWAY FROM YOU!~”

An eruption of even louder cheers that matched the volume of the shrieking prefect badges rose from the bottom of the stairwell as Katie parried Umbridge’s petty insults and came back dealing heavy, critical damage.

You grinned madly, one of your favorite things about Gryffindor girls was that the witches from the house of the brave weren’t afraid to speak their mind. And with the reassurance that Umbridge couldn’t catch you, Katie was yelling her thoughts with NO FEAR!

“~Give the girl with the beautiful voice another point for that one, Lee!~” Angelina requested, “~Took the words right out of my mouth.~”

“YES, MA’AM!” Lee Jordan heartily agreed. “UMBRIDGE ATTEMPTS A COMEBACK, BUT THE BANSHEE SHUTS HER DOWN! CLOSET COUPLE - SEVEN, HEADMASTER - ZERO!”

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“~MMMHHH!~” the prefect badges wailed as you sealed your lips over Katie’s and gave her an encouraging and highly enthusiastic snog.

“SNOG HER GOOD, MATE!” Lee Jordan shouted, “WHO IS THAT GIRL? SHE’S OBVIOUSLY QUITE TAKEN… BUT DOES SHE HAVE A SISTER? …OR A CUTE COUSIN? I’M NOT PICKY!”

“Now who’s ****?” remarked Hannah Abbott - Katie’s cousin on her mother’s side.

It was amusing to you to know that Lee Jordan couldn’t identify one of his closest friends... or Hannah, her own cousin, while she was performing for the school. But in their defense - and not Umbridge’s - it would be completely out-of-character for Katie Bell to go off on someone like she just had. Not even Marcus Flint at his most cutthroat and competitive or Pansy Parkinson at her most bitchy and irritating had ever evoked such vicious vitriol from the Gryffindor Chaser. Dolores Umbridge brought that kind of intense distaste out of everyone with anything resembling a functioning moral compass.

You slipped your tongue into Katie’s mouth and focused on your appreciation for her OVER DELIVERING on her part of your plan, then gave a heartfelt hiss. §HEART§

“~MMMMMMHHHMMMM!!~” Katie moaned into your mouth as she felt your powerful burst of heart magic wash through her. Her arms, legs, and snatch squeezed you tightly as she went over the edge again. And Katie was a Quidditch player, flying on a broomstick and weaving around the pitch at breakneck speeds did wonders for your core muscles, so when Katie’s cunt clenched around your cock, it SQUEEZED you like a hot vice. “~MMMMMMMHH! MMMHHHHHHHH!! MMMMHHHHHH!~”

Your own groan was smothered and drowned out by the blaring prefect alarms.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“That’s another point for the closet couple, Lee!” Lavender called out with an update for the ongoing score, “The lucky witch definitely just came again!”

“YOU HEARD HER!” Jordan exclaimed, “EIGHT - NOTHING! YOUR MOVE, UMBRIDGE!”

Umbridge’s ‘move’ was to hunker down and wait for the Bloody Baron to arrive. After her repeated public failures she didn’t want to embarrass herself further. She believed the ancient ghost would be the solution to all her problems. Not only would he provide the valuable information she sought, but she was also hoping he would also be able to phase through the closet wall to identify the rogue students occupying the out-of-reach broom closet.

Unfortunately for the headmaster, whoever she sent to retrieve the Slytherin patron ghost didn’t know his most frequent haunts and took a while to locate him. During which time, the prefect badges continued wailing and Katie carried on as you shagged her against the broom closet door.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“~AUUUUGGHH! AAAUUGGHH! AAUUUUGGH!~”

Kinky Katie was hotter than usual. Maybe she was getting off on openly defying the headmaster? Maybe the bout of sneaky exhibitionism was adding fuel to her fire? Maybe it was both? Ringing Bell’s velvety depths caused them to squeeze and engulf you with an almost scorching heat. Sweat ran down from your brow as you increased your pace and hammered her into the door. She eagerly accepted your pounding with a pleased squeeze.

“Almost,” you warned your partner-in-crime as you raced for the finish line. She was too hot and too tight to keep going for much longer.

The Gryffindor girl grinned and gloated in her notably raspy voice, “~Gonna milk my favourite snake!~” She squeezed her thighs around your waist and clamped her honey-cunny around your cock, then used what leverage she could while lodged between you and the closet door to buck her pelvis to meet your faster, more frantic trusts.

“~THAT’S IT! ALMOST THERE! OH MERLIN, FINISH IN MEE~EEE!~” The last word rose in pitch as she drew it out into an enthusiastic squeal that caused her voice to nearly reach its normal octave. “~AAAAAHHH! AAAAAAHH! THAT TALENTLESS TOAD CAN’T DO ANYTHING TO STOP US! LET IT LOOSE! SPRAY IT IN MEE~EEE!~” Again, her last shout turned into a squeal as your rigorous thrusts became frantic. Katie’s encouraging shouts and squeezing brought you to the brink.

You smothered her mouth with yours, then used your tongue as a magical focus, sliding it across hers, wanting to share your pleasure and release with your partner, then hissed, §HEART RELEASE§ You launched yourself over the edge and took Katie with you, moaning into her mouth as you came.

“~MMMMMMMHHHHHHMMM!!~” Katie moaned and came with you as her scorching snatch squeezed and spasmed around your pulsing pole. You groaned as your throbbing ‘wand’ burst, casting its spell as you closed your eyes and sprayed your essence deep inside her. Katie’s squeezing snatch practically milked you as you bottomed out and gave her everything you had. “~MMMUUHHHHH!~”

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING! RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIINGRIIIIING!

“WHAT DO YOU THINK, BROWN?” Jordan asked the witch he’d adopted as his color commentator, “WAS THAT ONE OR BOTH OF THEM?”

“Hard to tell with the banshee being smothered and us not being in there to see it,” Brown admitted, “I hear it’s tricky to time it right so the couple goes off together. Especially when they’re under nineteen. It says something about them being properly in sync if they managed it under such unique circumstances.”

Katie broke your kiss and rasped out for her housemates’ benefit, “~It was both! Gonna take a break now!~”

“I’ll take her word for it,” Jordan agreed, “TEN - NOTHING! The closet couple finishes strong, and this is starting to feel like a Slytherin Quidditch match! With that kind of lead, it’ll take the headmaster’s team catching the Snitch - and by that I mean them - to pull out the victory! But with Malfoy as her Seeker, I don’t see that happening!”

Ron Weasley’s laughter once again rang out louder than everyone else’s. He was always happy to hear someone take a dig at Draco Malfoy.

“~Better run for it!~” Angelina Johnson shouted in warning, “~HERE COMES THE BARON!~”

You weren’t concerned. Myrtle Warren confessed to you once that she couldn’t reach the phantom landing. You doubted Baron Montague would fare much better. You made to pull out, but Katie held you in place inside her.

“~Say it!~” she ordered in a raspy voice that matched her captain and teammate’s after Quidditch practice.

You smiled at the witch who shouted herself hoarse for your plan to embarrass the headmaster. “I love you.”

She beamed and kissed you, enthusiastic and happy. You pulled out of her and she tugged her knickers back into place to keep the present you left her, then lowered her legs and stood braced against the door as you stepped back and separated. The alarms died down again.

RIIIINGRIIIINGRIIINGRIIII–

“BARON!” Umbridge crooked, “There are two criminals in that broom closet! They’re to be expelled and turned over to the authorities! Float in there and identify them so they can be held responsible for their crimes.”

“I’m afraid I cannot, madam,” the Bloody Baron intoned. “This stairwell was designed and enchanted by Rowena Ravenclaw herself. Lady Rowena loved her puzzles. That landing is the end point of a seven-story maze she wove through the Grand Staircase. She insisted that everyone play by her rules and erected a magical barrier around the balcony. Neither student, nor spell, nor spirit may pass her barrier unless they complete her trial.”

“THEN HOW DID THEY GET IN!?”

The Baron’s voice shifted as though he were talking to a particularly slow first year, “Clean thy ears and thou might learn something, woman. As I said… the whelps must have completed Lady Ravenclaw’s trial. Good day, madam.”

“OOOOHH!” Lee Jordan shouted while the crowd around him cheered and laughed, “AND ANOTHER MISS BY THE MINISTRY! THE POINT GOES TO THE CLOSET COUPLE FOR ONCE AGAIN BEING ONE STEP AHEAD OF THE HEADMASTER! THAT’S ELEVEN - ZERO!”

“If the Baron’s right about them passing Ravenclaw’s trial, then I’d throw in an extra point for that,” Brown advised, “Especially if they managed it with the portraits missing.”

“TWELVE - NOTHING! BOTH THE CLOSET COUPLE AND THE HEADMASTER MATCHED WITS WITH THE LEGENDARY HOGWARTS FOUNDER ROWENA RAVENCLAW… AND WHILE THE BANSHEE AND HER LOVER SUCCEEDED… THE HEADMASTER FAILED AND WAS SABOTAGED BY HER OWN MEDDLING!”

“THAT’S DETENTION FOR YOU, JORDAN!” the sore loser shrieked. “STOP KEEPING SCORE!” The crowd audibly BOOED the headmaster punishing the much more popular Quidditch commentator for doing his job.

Katie once again came to her friend’s defense and turned to shout through the door, “~HE’S CALLING IT AS HE SEES IT! AND EVERYONE NOW SEES YOU AS AN UNQUALIFIED, INCOMPETENT HEADMASTER WHO WAS OUTSMARTED BY A STAIRCASE!~”

The failing in front of an audience part of the public spectacle finally registered and the humiliated headmaster bellowed to the students below, “ALL OF YOU, GO TO CLASS!”

“THERE’S STILL TWENTY MINUTES LEFT TO LUNCH!” Ron Weasley was the first to protest.

“AND ANOTHER FIFTEEN MINUTES TO GET TO CLASS AFTER!” Megan Jones added.

“ANYONE WHO IS MISSING FROM CLASS WILL BE EXPELLED!” Umbridge yelled back.

“WHAT IF WE DON’T HAVE CLASS!?” Ravenclaw Prefect Anthony Goldstein shouted. “THERE ARE STUDENTS WHO HAVE A FREE PERIOD NOW!” He had been quiet for the whole ordeal, but he voiced his concern about students getting punished for something they didn’t do.

“THEN GO TO THE LIBRARY AND CHECK IN WITH MADAM PINCE!” Umbridge snapped, “Inquisitorial Squad, you’re excused. Surround that landing. We can’t get in… but they can’t get out without being seen! We’ll learn who they are once the teachers all take roll.”

“Sounds like that’s our cue to leave, milady,” you quietly informed your partner-in-crime.

The odious and unsuspecting Umbridge didn’t know about your shortcut.

You reached into your Hogwarts jumper and removed your Hogwarts Broom Closet Club badge. As far as enchanted badges went, the H.B.C.C. badges left the prefect badges and Granger’s D. A. coins in the dust. You turned the round patch over to see the completed ring of twenty-four white dots signifying the two dozen common broom closets you’d located and snogged in, within it was a smaller ring of a dozen purple dots denoting the twelve rare broom closets you’d found, and within that was an even smaller ring composed of a red, yellow, green, and blue dots representing the four extremely hard to find and reach Legendary broom closets you conquered.

A special perk you unlocked as President of the Broom Closet Club - by being the student with the most progress on the Broom Closet Gauntlet - was seeing the dimmed lights denoting the occupied broom closets. The blue legendary dot on the center ring was dim to show it was occupied… by you. But so were two of the white dots on the outer ring. From their position at the right and bottom of the twenty-four-dot ring - three o’ clock and six o’ clock - you deduced that they were using the closet on the ground floor near the front entrance hall and the one down in the dungeons near the Slytherin common room. It seemed enterprising snoggers were taking advantage of the headmaster, prefects, and inquisitors all being distracted with you enthusiastically violating Educational Decree Thirty-One and decided do some rebellious snogging of their own.

Providing insight for intrepid snoggers and a helpful distraction when a young couple was in trouble was the sacred duty of the secret snog club president. It was one you had undertaken, as had Fred Weasley before you, and Artemis Fawley before him, and likely the president before her too.

Within the legendary ring was a raised circle with ‘KK’ etched onto it, anointing you as the Kissing King of Hogwarts - a secret rank you achieved by doing what no other student - or president - had been known to do before: completing the Gauntlet by finding and snogging in all forty of Hogwarts’ conspicuously empty and increasingly hard-to-find broom closets.

The ‘royal’ title came with a new special ability that previous snog club presidents didn’t have. You pressed the raised KK at the center and the patch the size of your palm expanded into a wheel the size of a dinner plate. The colored dots all grew and spread out proportionally so you could better identify which was which. You selected the purple dot at seven o’ clock that corresponded with one of your favorite rare broom closets… one guarded by a sleeping stone dragon.

The four-foot-by-four-foot walls of the Legendary broom closet on the phantom landing closed in around you, squeezing you and Katie together, then you MOVED, and they swiftly expanded outward. You now found yourself five floors down in the selected rare, dragon-guarded broom closet in the basement.

Unfortunately for Umbridge, she and her Inquisitorial Squad were now dutifully guarding an empty closet.