Give me a Ping, Vassily. One Ping only please.

Chapter 4

Loud music fills the interior of her car as Lisa drives home singing loudly through the traffic. The way home is not far but Lisa takes her time, sings, laughs, drums on the steering wheel and is happy. Actually, she's not the wild type, that's more her wife, but her emotions are going crazy and making her dream the most colorful fantasies. It's almost as if she's high, experiencing an intoxicating trip, but that's just how love is, especially the love she feels for Ethan. And she told him! Now it's out. And it feels so good!

Her favorite part comes in her favorite song and at a red light she is watched from both sides as her face warms with happiness. An old couple and a commuter coming home from work see Lisa screaming her love and both parties are happy for the young woman who is obviously head over heels in love.

"I love him!" she calls out again and again. Then an angry honk sounds from behind her, she has forgotten the traffic light. "Sorry!" she calls out without the driver behind her being able to hear her. "But I'm in love! And it's so beautiful!" But the angry driver also shows her that it's not good for her to let herself go like that. What if she has an accident? Then she might end up in the hospital and miss her date with Ethan!

Or would he come to visit me? Lisa squeals like a guinea pig at the thought of Ethan visiting her in the hospital. He would make sure she was OK, would hold her in his arms. And then he would warn me to be more careful. I am important to him and he doesn't want anything to happen to me.

Yes, the angry driver from earlier was definitely right with his outburst. Lisa tries to concentrate. After all, she is 'only' in love. She can stand this lie for maybe a minute, then she starts grinning like a madwoman again.

"I love him. Hehe." Lisa turns into the street where she lives with her wife. Their salaries allow them to rent an expensive, large house on the outskirts of the city, but Lisa stays in the driveway in her car.

Yes. She loves Ethan. For some crazy reason that she doesn't understand, she loves Ethan more than anything else in her life. More than herself and much more than she loves her wife.

And Lisa is a lesbian. The thought of other men doesn't bother her any more than a straight man knows that he doesn't want anal sex with another man. Of course, it's generally more fluid with women, Lisa knows that, but not with her. She is a lesbian.

"And I love a man. This one man. Hehe. I love Ethan."

It doesn't matter why it happened, the fact is, it is so and she still has plenty of opportunity to question this crazy twist of fate. But she won't do that. Lisa knows her feelings and it's not about why, but how.

She sits in her car for a long time, at peace with her feelings but not with her actions.

"I spoke to him and told him that I love him," she realizes. "At our first meeting!" Groaning, she puts her head on the steering wheel. "Damn." Does Ethan now think she's some crazy person, a creep who approaches mindless victims in a Starbucks? "Why didn't you do it smarter? You're usually so clever. Damn, Lisa!"

But Ethan seems to have handled the whole thing well. Sure, he probably thinks she's a little crazy, but his look...

Nobody has ever looked at me like that, she realizes in the silence of her thoughts.

"As if I were the best thing in the world." Another giggle. "I love him." Then she shakes her head. "We've been through all that before. Concentrate, Lisa."

The question is how.

How did she speak to him? In a crazy way, completely clueless and helpless. She can't save that point. But Ethan saved it for her and she's grateful to him for that.

"Okay. Go on. How did I tell him that... that I love him? Shit." Just as clueless. And he knows that she has a wife. "What does he think of me?" Shocked, she realizes the truth that she should have internalized long ago. If she's ready to give up her marriage for him... "Oh God... Does he think I would just give him up like that too?" Joy turns to worry. He must see that I love him more than anything in the world. Does he know? Have I told him? Have I made it clear enough what he means to me? Should I show him more? Or less? What if it's already too much? He certainly doesn't want a clingy psycho bitch who he has to be careful not to wake up one morning without his hair.

"Damn," growls the beautiful girl in the privacy of her car. These damn feelings. She would love to call him and apologize. But what if he doesn't like that either? What if he wants to be left alone? Lisa doesn't know the answer to that question. It wasn't that difficult with Maddison. With the two of them, Maddison always led the steps that led to their wedding.

And now Lisa will sever that bond forever. Everything for a boy. A boy! A boy she may have already scared away.

---

Lisa starts to cry. A little at first, her shoulders twitch and her lips tremble. Then more sobs and her stomach cramps. Then the tears come, unstoppable and unrestrained.

Lisa cries for several minutes. She cries for her chance with Ethan, slim and small because of her behavior. She cries for her sexuality, everything that was clear her whole life is in disarray. She cries for the joy she feels even when there is sadness. She cries because she can't make a decision, but has already decided.

And of course she cries for her relationship with Maddison.

Lisa and Maddison love each other. But Lisa loves Ethan more.

She can never go back to what was.

And she doesn't want to.

She doesn't know what the future holds, but she knows that she can make it work. And she wants it. So much.

Maddison will understand. She is beautiful and smart. She will understand that there are feelings, just too small to mean anything anymore.

And Lisa cries because she knows full well that none of that matters.

Lisa loves Ethan. That is the truth. And everything else doesn't matter.

Another look in the mirror.

"Please forgive me," she whispers, not knowing who she is turning to. Her parents? Maddison? Ethan? Herself? Maybe everyone. "But it has to be." She sniffles hard and rubs her eyes. "I want it that way." Then she smiles again. "Yes. I want it."

She sits there for a few minutes, trying not to think, not to feel, trying to calm herself down.

She thinks about Ethan. Not the meeting. She thinks about the future.

"Yes. I can do it," she says to herself and grips the steering wheel tighter. "I can do it."

You are strong, Lisa. You will find a way. For Ethan and for Maddison and for you.

Images of the future move in her head and calm the young woman. She imagines the two of them, Ethan in a smart suit, she in a long white dress... very traditional for heterosexual couples. The two of them together in a house, a new house in the suburbs. A garden party. Ethan at the grill with his friends, Lisa surrounded by her family and friends.

These thoughts are what drive her. It doesn't matter how she acted when she met him. Okay, it might not have been so clever to tell him straight away that she loves him... But it's the truth, Lisa feels it in every trace of her body.

Finally she gets out and goes into the house. Maddison has gone out, Lisa is alone. She stands briefly in the entrance and doesn't know what to do. Instinctively her hand twitches towards her handbag, the cell phone in it. She wants to call Ethan, wants to tell him that she has chosen him, wants to hear his voice, his laughter.

But not yet. She arches her back and goes into her study room, which she uses when she brings work home. She doesn't dare go into the bedroom, even though there is a PC there too. She prefers to use this one. There aren't that many memories of Maddison here.

"Honey..." That will come too. But not now. There is a lot to do, a lot, and it helps to start with the easiest task. "Okay... But which one..." Lisa lowers her gaze with effort, thinking.

---

"Okay. First things first. Your feelings." It is late afternoon and actually a bit early for wine, but Lisa needs the drink to calm her nerves. Besides, she has never done anything like this before, catching herself a man. "Feelings."

In any case, she must not blame Ethan for the emotional chaos she is in at the moment. It is her responsibility, after all, she has chosen this path. Of course she will ask Ethan for help, she does not want to start her relationship with her great love with secrets.

And yes, she has decided that she wants a relationship with Ethan. A marriage. For the rest of her life. There is no point in denying it and she would hurt everyone she knows, especially Maddison.

"Maddison... My sweet love..." She will break up with her. There is no other way. Lisa briefly imagines that she would be... together with Ethan... and Maddison... But love doesn't work like that and she could never let her wife play second fiddle while Lisa adores her great love. That would be fatal and Lisa would rather live with the knowledge that she has caused pain to her former love, perhaps even with Maddison's hatred, than suggest a path that would be better only for herself.

Besides, she wouldn't be the one making the decisions in this relationship.

Maybe it's a kind of punishment that she wants to impose on herself, but right after she decided that Ethan was the one for her, she decided that he would be the one to decide about their relationship.

Lisa is a lesbian, doesn't know much about boys, and she's afraid to submit to him. But it's also the right thing to do. She doesn't know boys, she loves Ethan, but that can't be mutual. She knows almost nothing about him, actually just his name, what he looks like, and that he has a friend. Lisa knows that she will stay with him forever, but if that is to happen, then she has to accept that the idea of ​​love, a white dress, and a house together might not be what Ethan wants. He seems so nice, tender, devoted, but that could just be Lisa's idea, a figment of her imagination. And she won't base her future relationship, whatever it may look like, on figments of her imagination.

No. If Ethan wants something from her that she can't give him right away... then she will learn to give it to him.

She paces restlessly up and down her study room. If only she had something to calm herself down, something that smells of him. But she has nothing but the determination to manage to have him in her life.

"Sex!" She is a little surprised that this thought has come to her so suddenly. On the other hand, she notices the twitching between her thighs since the moment he agreed to a date. Lisa has no idea what sex with a boy is like, neither tenderly nor otherwise. How does she want to go about it?

Her eyes slowly wander to her work PC. Maddison wouldn't notice if she... She knows nothing about sex with boys, about penises and penetration, never had to learn it, was never interested in... penises and... penetration...

It's different with Ethan. With him, she is... interested. She looks down. There is a throbbing between her legs and her forehead darkens a little as she fights the urge to touch herself. Another look at the PC. She should get informed. Just for objective reasons. Completely normal in a relationship. It is even her duty to get informed.

She quickly sits down in front of the PC.

And waits...

Ethan knows that she is a lesbian. Does that mean he also knows that she is inexperienced? And maybe he wants it that way? Her hands are already hovering over the keyboard, ready to type the four magic letters. P.O.R.N. But she hesitates.

Maybe he wants me to be inexperienced? What would he do if I already knew everything? Don't men want to teach women something? Even... sex?

She only knows it from her parents and grandparents. Both have only been married once and are together with their partners. And both come from a time when there was no or very limited internet. Maybe it's better if she is inexperienced and naive. After all, she still has her virginity... with a man, at least. And Lisa is admittedly quite proud to be able to give Ethan this gift.

Yes, make up your mind. It's the first date. He can decide how he wants me, then I can get information or... train... And if he wants me right away... then that's just how it is.

Lisa already realizes what a monumental task it is to get Ethan to like her. But that's the way it is with people you love, you make sacrifices for them. Lisa also made sacrifices for Maddison, she was happy to do so, but there were always limits that she set. Strapons, for example, were something that Maddison, as the Dom of the relationship, wanted to try out, but Lisa didn't feel comfortable with.

Not so with Ethan, and Lisa realizes that it's not just her love that led her to give herself to him. It's also her lust, and submission is the best way to get rid of the bad feeling in her stomach. She doesn't want to feel like that when Ethan is around, and the sooner the date happens, the sooner she can start her new life. And even if it might be bad for Maddison and her parents, Lisa knows it's the right decision.

She will be patient, won't put pressure on him, and will do what he says to make their relationship work. What the relationship looks like will become clear later. Lisa loves Ethan so much, she will accept whatever he decides.

She will be the best girlfriend he could wish for. Sweet, kind, supportive and sexy as hell. And everything else he wants.

With a song on her lips, Lisa starts to move. She needs it, just like in the car. The good feelings are important. The good feelings are the reason why she does it. And she knows, knows it's right.

With her eyes closed and a dreamy smile, she dances through her room, then her apartment. Finally, she puts her Air Pods in her ears and falls completely into the world she wants to live in from now on.

She will have a heterosexual relationship.

She will love a man.

She will be a good woman to him, a wife, if he wants her to.

She will do anything for him, because she loves him or because he wants her to.

She will make sure that Maddison and her parents will understand, and if not, the pain will not be so great for them.

Then she will go to him, Ethan, and make sure that he knows that she loves him.

She will support him in everything he does.

She will be the perfect girlfriend.

And then Ethan's life will be better, and hers too, and maybe Maddison's too if she understands that their love wasn't meant to be.

All the rest are questions that Ethan can answer. Who knows? Maybe he will allow her to have contact with Maddison. That is unlikely, after all she is her ex. But one thing is certain: Lisa will support him, regardless of whether he loves her as much as she loves him or whether he just wants to possess her.

And the thought hardly scares her anymore. Ethan could love her, she is sure of that. But whether he does it is up to him.

And what if he loves someone else? Not me?

But this question is answered, as is the question of whether she should break up with Maddison.

Lisa's love for Ethan is so complete and perfect, there is no alternative for her. Anything else would plunge her and everyone she loves into darkness. She will not allow that. And if that means that Ethan doesn't love her but someone else...

But she can't think about that. Because suddenly her wife is standing in front of her.

---

"Hello, darling." Maddison's smile is as beautiful and enchanting as ever and Lisa loves her as much as she always has. Only she loves Ethan more and when she pulls her Air Pods out of her ears in shock, she is just glad that her wife hasn't hugged her.

"What are you doing here?" asks Lisa, surprised. "Didn't you want to party?"

"Right." Maddison starts moving around the apartment and Lisa realizes that she danced into the kitchen in her amorous behavior. "Just taking a quick break between rounds," her wife says, rummaging through the fridge. "Ah." She pulls out a bottle of water, then comes over to Lisa and kisses her on the cheek. Lisa just manages not to freeze and knows that the kiss feels good. But more would be like cheating on Ethan, her future husband, just like she would cheat on Maddison by confirming her love. "The girls are waiting outside in the car." She turns away from Lisa, but then turns back around. "We'll see you in the morning, okay?" Lisa just nods and Maddison turns to leave.

"Wait!" Lisa feels a knot in her stomach but she has to do it.

"Woa," her wife says as Lisa hugs her tightly.

"I love you," the young woman whispers. It's the truth. "And I'm glad that you're always there for me."

"Of course, honey," Maddison confirms and rubs her wife's back.

Then she leaves her alone and both women are - for different reasons - happy to be able to spend the evening alone. Maddison because she can party... And Lisa...

---

'Hey Ethan. Actually, you're only supposed to get in touch after three days... Or the man should, right? But whatever. I wanted to get in touch and thank you again for the great day. I know it all came so suddenly and I really could have handled it better. So... Thank you for your patience with me.' And... send. And immediately the nervousness sets in again. But it had to be done, writing a text is the right thing she can do now, Lisa is sure of that. And now she just has to wait. If he doesn't write back to her, then she doesn't know...

Ping!

Lisa almost drops her phone from her hand but she quickly catches it.

'Hey.'

"Eeeeeep..." Her butt on the comfortable living room sofa, her legs kick in the air and she presses her phone tightly to her chest. It's only a short message but more than she had hoped for. The phone rings again.

'I had a nice day too. Meeting you was really something special.'

"Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod!" She jumps to her feet with momentum, only to sit down again immediately and hammer a reply into her phone.

'Thank you for giving me this chance, Ethan! I want to do everything right but I know we didn't get off to a good start. Sorry.' The phone shows that Ethan is typing a reply, and he keeps typing... and more. 'Would you like to ask me something?' She writes quickly to be helpful. 'I know there are a lot of things I didn't explain properly.' This time the answer comes quickly.

'It's okay. Really. And thanks for your help, Lisa.'

"He says my name. Ethan, I love you," she whispers, her cheeks red and her stomach throbbing. She feels like she did in high school when she was texting her crush, a pretty blonde who was straight. But this time her chances are better and that makes Lisa happy. Then Ethan writes again and she concentrates. She has an idea what questions are coming and she owes it to him to answer them.

'I have to say it's easier to sort this out over the phone.' A pause, then the next message. 'So you're actually a lesbian? Or bi? I know you don't ask that, but you know.' He's as sweet as he writes it, a real gentleman. At least Lisa hopes so, but the first impression gives her this confidence.

'Yes,' she writes quickly. 'I've been a lesbian my whole life. And actually I still am. But not for you.' The decision to just be open and honest was easy for her. She had already made the situation complicated enough and Ethan should be able to decide whether he likes her too. 'You are special. I like you. Really a lot.' She still had to write that but at least she is glad she didn't use the L-word.

'Yes. Thank you. I really like hearing that.' Lisa frowns as she reads the message. Another mistake. She writes an apology, but he is faster and she waits, not wanting to derail the conversation with dozens of messages at the same time. 'It's always great when someone as pretty as you speaks to me, really. But you can probably guess my question?'

'You're probably wondering why I didn't let you come to me straight away,' writes Lisa. 'That was a mistake. I was just so shocked when I saw you. I couldn't believe it and my feelings for you totally overwhelmed me.' Send.

'That's not what I meant!' Lisa is a little startled, as if Ethan had really shouted at her.

'I'm sorry Ethan. Please tell me what you mean.' The messages come in rapid fire.

'You're a lesbian!'

'You have a wife for god's sake!'

'You say you love me!'

'What's going on here?' Lisa wants to answer him. It's actually simple, she knows what she wants to say, the truth. But she also feels bad that Ethan feels this way. She can't understand it, but somehow she can. At least the part about love. But before she can apologize again, Ethan continues writing and Lisa sees the message pop up worriedly.

'No, I'm sorry that I'm freaking out like this. Please understand that this isn't an everyday situation for me, okay? You are incredibly cute and someone like you doesn't talk to someone like me, do you understand?'

'I understand Ethan,' Lisa writes quickly. She wants to explain herself to him, wants to make things better between the two. 'I can only tell you what I feel and yes, it took me a while to understand it. But I meant what I said. Everything.' She sends the message hopefully. She had expected everything but the fact that Ethan can't believe that she feels that way feels terrible. She understands, at least in theory, but what can she do to make him believe her?

'Are you kidding me, Lisa? Is this something to get **** on me? These things don't happen to people like me and it's more likely that you have something else in mind than what you're telling me right now.'

The young woman puts her hands over her mouth as she reads the message. She can practically feel the pain in his words. And here she sits, worrying about her life while the love of her life thinks she's a mean, evil person.

"Ethan... My God..." Her fingers press against her lips as she reads the text. She can't answer. What should she say to him? The truth won't help here, but she certainly won't lie to him. But if she doesn't say anything, then he might think she's the way he says and...

'I really want to tell you how I feel, Ethan. I know that all of this may seem unbelievable. I won't try to persuade you. But can you please give me a chance to prove myself to you?' She stops for a moment. This is not how she had imagined it all, but she thinks she understands where Ethan is coming from. It doesn't help. Lisa understands that it is her responsibility to prove herself to Ethan if she wants the future she wants for both of them. 'Please can I ask you out on a date? Very casually, at a place of your choosing. No matter what time or what conditions. And yes, I don't know you well. But I want to prove myself to you, show you that my feelings are real. Please tell me what I can do to earn your trust.' Send. Wait.

It is **** for the young woman. She sits in front of her cell phone and hopes, prays that she has written enough. Or has she written too much? Too little?

'It would really mean a lot to me if you gave me this gift, Ethan. Please.'

She just can't stop and writes even more. What is wrong with her? She should wait and react to Ethan. He should decide and what happens if she has put pressure on him now?

'Okay.' Lisa stares at her cell phone, speechless. 'I trust you. You are as beautiful as a miracle and I would like to find out if you are as beautiful on the inside as you seem.'

She doesn't know how long she stares at the screen, minutes, hours. It is as if all her wishes are coming true at once.

'Okay?' he asks. 'Lisa? Are you still there?'

'Yes,' she writes. 'I just can't believe it.'

'You can't believe it? Okay.' and a laughing smiley. And then... 'I want to do this very quickly if you don't mind. Tomorrow?'

'Yes! Whenever you want! I want to see you as soon as possible too!'

'Okay. Tomorrow evening? 6 p.m.? I know a restaurant we can go to.'

'Yes! Thanks!' She quickly writes another message. 'Yes!'

'You already said that.' Another laughing smiley. Lisa stands up, turns in a circle and wipes her face. This time she knows that they are tears of joy.

'I won't disappoint you, Ethan.'

'I believe you. And I'm looking forward to seeing you again. And it's nice that we're talking about nice things now.'

'Yes! Those are really nice things! I'm so happy that we're talking!'

'We can talk more tomorrow.'

'Yes! Whatever you like! I'll answer everything you ask me! Thank you for trusting me!'

'Thank you for giving me a chance.'

'Always! But... for what?'

'Haha, really?'

---

It goes on like this for another two hours but neither of them realizes it. Apparently they both needed a good, carefree ending and even though Lisa didn't answer all the questions, Ethan didn't ask any more and also seemed to enjoy talking to Lisa about nothing important.

The young woman, on the other hand, realizes that the decision to choose him, to put her happiness in his hands, was the right decision.

She can hardly wait for tomorrow.