Missing Kidneys! Reward: Two condoms and 15 slips of latinum

“Come on! You could do better than that! Harder!” Mariner groaned, straining to say anything as she pushed back against you. Sweat and other bodily fluids dripped down her body. The two of you were definitely working up a sweat and making a mess of the room. There was already smashed furniture and vases scattered around.

“Take this!” You yelled, panting as you pulled back your staff and then thrusted at Mariner, getting past her defenses. She grunted at the blow against her core before she twirled her Ando staff and twisted your staff out of your hands, sending it flying off to the side. Mariner whacked you in the side of your head, knocking you to the ground.

“Ugh, my fucking mouth!” You groaned as you laid there on the anbo-jitsu mat, the visor on the helmet flipped up from the ****. “Oof!” You wheezed as Mariner brandished her staff into your chest. She held the stance for a moment before snorting and relaxing. She spun the staff to a standby position before leaning forward and offered a hand.

“Wow, you’re more rusty than I thought,” Mariner said as she helped you up. You wiped the blood from your mouth as the scoreboard on the wall showed 4 wins for you and 7 wins for Mariner.

“Nah, you got better,” you said admiring the skills that Mariner showed and used on you. “Give me a bat’leth or a lightsaber and I’d have your ass.”

“Just my ass?” Mariner smirked with a bit of humor. You picked up your staff before replying.

“To start. We’ll see what comes after,” you flirted with your old friend.

“Hey! We only got the holodeck for another ten minutes and limited room,” a command track lieutenant yelled at the two of you. “Either let another pair take their turn or get back at it.”

“Sorry!” You got back on the mat and faced Mariner before putting your visor down.

“How did you get around my Ferguson Feint?” You asked while you and Mariner walked down a hallway back in StarFleet uniforms. The Anbo-jitsu outfits and staffs had been holodeck recreations and they had disappeared once the program ended.

“You always pull that not actually blind crap with that feint,” Mariner complained, referring to how you would use some of your Jedi training to feel things better than the anbo staff could detect. “So I figured out a counter. You really should change it up a little.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you agreed, thinking about who in your harem might be interested in learning anbo and help me train a little. Potentially Shampoo or Ahsoka, maybe even Marinette or Ranko or Spider-Gwen. “I’m not sure I’ll have time to come up with something soon but I’ll try.”

“Yeah, I didn’t realize just how busy VOY could get. At least things got more normal after our first shift. Those princesses were no joke,” Mariner nodded.

“And spending time as a doll was no fun either,” you mention. “I swear, it's been three days and I still wake up feeling like my arms and legs are boneless.” Mariner snorted.

“At least you weren’t part of the doll theater, the guy was a big weirdo and a creep.” Mariner shuddered. You were glad that the collector was handed over to one of the civilizations that he had ‘collected’ from. You tapped the door controls to your and Mariner’s destination and walked into Neelix’s kitchen. There were quite a few more crew members around and you noticed that they appeared to be enjoying the food more.

“Ah! Gardner and Mariner! Just in time for the fresh batch of Tihil stew,” Neelix called as he waved at the two of you with a ladle in his hands. The Vulcan he had been serving looked down at the soup stain his uniform gained. “Oops, sorry about that!” Neelix awkwards grabbed a rag and tried rubbing the soup spot out. The Vulcan simply grabbed the rag and his half full bowl and walked away.

Neelix gave a nervous look before he looked at you and Mariner, “How are my fellow culinary expert and storyteller doing today? I see you got quite the shiner there.” He started filling two bowls along with your favorite sides.

“We just left the holodeck, got my ass handed to me,” you shrugged. “I’ll get you next time, Mariner.”

“You’ll try,” Mariner snarked as she started picking out some of the drinks available. You were about to make a comment but then another thought crossed your mind.

“How are the even newer members of the crew settling in?” You ask, eyeing some of the groups eating at the tables nearby. Neelix traced your line of sight and leaned forward conspiratorially.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but some of them are having trouble adjusting,” he whispered and gave shifty eyes. “Some keep asking about cartridges for the ‘food processors’ while I’ve had five so far ask me for cotton stuffing and string before realizing what they were asking for. I referred the ones asking about food processors to that technological review club that Ensign Aleho set up.”

“Good, hopefully that's the worst of it,” you said as Neelix handed you and Mariner your bowls. You and Mariner were five steps away from the food counter when the lights turned red and a siren sounded. Immediately, half of the crew in the mess hall jumped up tensed, about two third of the remainder looked up briefly before going back to their food and the rest didn’t even look up. A few of the ones who jumped up quickly left the room to see what was going on.

You and Mariner sat down at a table that a pair of other ensigns had helpfully vacated at the Red Alert. The two of you were chatting over the alert while the ship shook slightly until Janeway’s voice came over the comms. “Prepare to repel boarders!” You and Mariner shared a look and got up with your phasers in your hands. It wasn’t long until the telltale signs of people transporting in appeared across the room. You and the other crew members started firing phasers at the invaders who had patchwork skin, growths and other disfigurements.

“Vidians! Keep an eye on your organs!” Someone shouted while Neelix ducked into the galley. Several crewmates filled tables to create matchshift barriers against the odd bolts fired from the Vidian’s weapons. Odd to you, it seemed they were specifically targeting specific people. You fired at one Vidian and luckily stunned him.

“Scratch one!” You called out and turned to Mariner. In that moment, your vision blurred and you felt a blow in your back like something just kicked you. You spasm on the ground, barely making out a Vidian shoot Mariner before transporting away while the others are distracted.

“Weak…” Mariner groaned before you passed out from the pain.

Fading back into consciousness after the pain that knocked you out in the first place was severely disorienting to say the least. You try lashing out your arms confused at the fact they weren’t responding like you thought they should.

“Calm down, you’re in med bay,” the familiar voice said before something was pressed against your neck. Looking over you saw the EMH with a hypospray in hand. Looking around, you saw that the med bed was keeping you in place with a stasis field and that many of the beds were full of people with a variety of injuries. Mariner in the bed next to you, looking bored out of her mind.

“James! You’re finally awake!” Aelita waddled over to your side and grabbed your immobilized arm. Starfire appeared next to her a moment later.

“Doctor, is he going to be okay?” Starfire asked the EMH. He gave her a perplexed look before answering.

“Don’t worry, your husband will be perfectly fine, except for the lack of kidneys,” he explained matter of factly.

“His kidneys are gone!””I don’t have kidneys!”

“You can relax,” the EMH said, walking away to look at another patient. “Thankfully, due to Ensign Kim’s ‘negotiations’ with the princess of Wajo Prime, we got the resources to make ‘kidney pills’, as they are colloquially called, again. No need to ask for donations or use holo-organs for now.”

“So I’ll have new kidneys soon?” You ask him, recalling that scene from the Star Trek movie with the whales.

“Hey join the club,” Mariner said before scowling. “They got my liver too.” She started mumbling but you could hear, “best working liver on the Cerritos.”

“Aelita, can you remind me to get my kidneys checked out when we get home?” You asked as you remembered some of your medical history.

“Why? Don’t trust your hologram doctor?” The EMH huffed. You looked at him confused.

“No? There are things common to my homeworld that require certain considerations and treatments and fresh grown kidneys might leave me **** when I go back,” you explain, recalling how much more advanced Prime World’s medical technology was even though they didn’t display it enough. You also recall the various diseases and rogue technology running around that requires vaccines and such.

“Hey doc, how long until we can get out of here?” Mariner suddenly asked at the same time T’Lyn walked into the med bay. “Come on, I want to get out there and show those assholes whose boss.”

“Well Mister Gardner should be finished in twenty minutes and you in approximately 28 minutes,” the EMH revealed. “Now if you don’t mind, I have other patients to treat.” You all thanked the EMH as he walked over to someone with a bandage over an eye. Aelita turned to look at you with a serious expression.

“James…As soon as we get home, you aren’t leaving the house again,” she declared with a **** grip on your arm. “Not without three bodyguards and armor.” You knew only one response.

“Okay dear…”

“It appears that James has some intelligence in appropriate word choice,” T’Lyn commented.

“Yeah, he had to learn at some point,” Mariner heckled. While your various partners were taking shots at you (unintentionally in T’Lyn’s case), a faint glow appeared under your bed and backwards speech went unheard.