Searching for a Fight

And so, days passed.

Kazuma spent his first month in Garreg Mach trying to keep a low profile. For some reason Lady Rhea, the head of the monastery, had taken an interest in him. She gave him a free pass to attend classes at the Officer's Academy without any of the nobles pushing back. It made him seem all the more suspicious, but since he had no clue what was going on, all he could do was focus on getting his bearings.

Well, I’ve determined one thing.

I really suck at meeting new people when everyone thinks you’re the spawn of satan.

I didn’t even do anything in this world! Okay, I landed on their ruler, but that was a total accident and she’s totally forgiven me! School sucks. Everything sucks. Wish Iris was here, she’d sort everything out. Dammit, I’d even take Lalatina at this rate! At least she’s as messed up as I am…

How many times have I walked around this Mach solo now? I think I’ve explored everything there is to explore and with no obvious ways to get home. What’s a guy gotta do to find a red button that says ‘return’ on it?

Maybe I just gotta get real thorough with my investigations. Maybe it ended up in some lady’s underwear drawer…?

No! Brain, stop! Quit returning to NEET whenever you feel lonely! I’m good in this universe!

Oh well. Another search can’t hurt to get me home. Not like this place is all that entertaining outside the eye candy anyway. Lots of cute girls and smokin’ hot teachers. I guess I’ll start looking around here at the stables again.

Doesn’t feel long ago that I’d be in a place like this with Aqua having to scrounge up enough money for a single daily meal. That’s one thing this place definitely has going for it, the grub is all free and all delicious~

Now, where to begin looking?

“THERE you are!”

Oh, look. Tits.

I mean a teacher! A respected teacher that just so happens to be wearing a very open opera singer dress that makes it very easy to ogle her beautiful cans at every opportunity!

If my eyes could raise from such a wonderful sight they might be able to tell me that this woman was angry at me.

“Why are you not in class, young man?”

“Geeeeeee.”

Her chest jiggled in rage, huffing their bountiful weight as they bonced in my direction. “S-staring at my chest will do you no favours, Satou Kazuma!”

Hmm, teacher sounded a little too like Darkness there for a second. What were these booby’s name again? Manuela I think?

Either way, she’s right. I totally blew off going to class and it hasn’t even been a full week of going to school here. Is it my fault though? Not only does everyone hate me, but… they’re learning such baby adventurer things! How to pick up a sword, how to cast low level fire magic, how to earn money by defeating bandits. I may not be at Demon King slaying level, but I could have told you this shit before I died the first time!

“It got a little… dull for me.” I told the heavenly baps, “I may not look it, but I’m a seasoned warrior that’s taken down generals.”

Ooh! That did it! She crossed her arms under her boobaroos! Squish, my pretties! Don’t be afraid to pop a nipple out of your clothy prison!

“Oh. Is that right.” Her voice dripped with annoyance. Not my fault I looked weak, that level of underestimation is how I beat most of my enemies. “Well, if that’s the case, then you wouldn’t mind showing us some of your skills? I think Catherine the Thunderbird was teaching a class in the training grounds as we speak…”

Goddamn, I knew where this was going but I think I’m powerless to resist. At least I can stare for a bit longer at these bazongas…

“Y-you… really are s-staring a lot…”

Huh?

I finally looked her in the eyes to see a blush cast over the older woman’s face. Though she turned too quickly for me to get a confirmation.

“Come now, you utterly stupid child!”

Probably my imagination… but was that a certain type of flag that just popped up?

“HYAA!” Yelled the blonde warrior woman as she slammed her jagged sword into a huge armour plated knight. Twice the size of me easily, yet sent flying by a single blow, crashing into the floor, armour flying off of his form and scattering to my feet as we entered the training grounds.

She turned to the rest of the class (I think these were the ‘Blue Pumas’ or something like that) and wiped her brow with a smile, “Whew! And that is how you use overwhelming strength to overpower your opponent! Remember, a good offence is the best everything!”

Oh god, I hope that isn’t this ‘Catherine’ lady.

“Catherine!” Fuck. “I am in need of your assistance!”

She turned to look at Manuela and I, “Be right there! Everyone pair up and start sparring while I deal with this.”

The height difference was insane. I could sense the strength emanating from her more than even Motchirabi. And her glowing jagged sword looked almost video game protagonist level of overdesigned. Makes sense since she just downed a guy that looked like he could be a low level knight grunt…

My focus was shaken when Manuela pushed on my back, “This limp dicked little worm has been skipping classes because he thinks himself better than the rest. Would you mind going a single round with him to show him the error of his ways?”

“Wha-?! ‘Limp’?! How the fuck is that appropriate dialogue for a teacher to say about a student?!”

Despite my protests, ominous knuckle cracking made my blood run cold, “Fine by me! This was the guy that copped a feel on Lady Rhea, right? I’ve been itching for a chance to bust his head in!”

Hmm. Maybe I’ll make it home when I die here in screaming agony? Or, with no Aqua, I’ll just finally rest in peace…

Somehow my feet guided my shaking knees over to one side of the training grounds, with Catherine the Great over there grinning in anticipation to ground me into mince meat. I really should have just gone to class. Chunchunmaru was a little outclassed by the jagged glowing dildo over there…

“You can always call this off, Mr Brave Hero.” Manuela taunted from behind me, “You’d simply have to beg for your class’ forgiveness, and maybe kiss my feet a few times for good measure…” Oh no, more moans. If the idea of annoying things like begging weren’t enough to get me into the fight then dammit I really didn’t want to have to deal with a crazy dominatrix lady!

Besides, I… I think I am more powerful than these people realise.

And a hell of a lot more crafty. I have to keep her off her toes, but I think-

“Come on! I’ll even let you get the first swing, twerp!”

Why say that when you start running towards me at full speed?!

“Earth golem, trip her up!” I yelled. The stone morphing right where the blonde tank was running towards, forming just enough of a small ankle height golem before the little guy jumped at my enemy.

And then she swung her sword and killed it in one go.

“Ha! Nice trick, but it’ll take more than-!” She laughed while looking back at me, ish. “Where’d he go?”

I don’t think this world has lurk skills. Thankfully those that were watching were too astounded by my little golem to see which direction I hid in. Which allows me to get right into the corner and grab my true plan, grab a bow and arrow.

“Snipe! Lurk.”

“Hm?”

“Above!”

Catherine noticed just in time to raise her sword and block the arrow that was aiming for her armour. Thing about lurk is you aren’t allowed to attack while lurking, but I found if you fire then activate it again before anyone can tell when you fired from then it can be a nice little loop.

“Snipe! Lurk.”

Clang! “You’re just full of tricks, eh kid?”

“Snipe! Snipe! Lurk.”

Clang! Clang! “Alright, quit it now and fight!”

“Snipe! Lurk. Snipe! Lurk.”

“Grr. You can’t keep that up forever!”

She’s right, my mana can only handle so many lurk spells in a row. Which means I gotta mix it up in a way she really isn’t expecting. Long range to short range.

Clang! “Earth!”

Her eyes immediately found me right below that nice bust, “There you are!”

“GUST!”

Then her eyes were useless. The earth I’d summoned blew right into them causing truly annoying pain.

“GAH! OW!”

Her sword swung wildly as I jumped back. Keeping quiet to make sure she couldn’t get lucky with blind attacks.

“Y-you’re a scoundrel…”

Oh great, we had an audience. A lot of the Blue Bitches were staring our way, having stopped their sparring to see me overpower their precious teacher. I forgot that some people didn’t hate me for my perviness, but for how I actually used these spells in practical ways…

But that didn’t matter if they thought me a rat. I’m a damned survivor, and I was going to end this battle once and for all!

That fancy sword is mine!

“STEAAAALLLL!!!!”

The light of my magic faded from our eyes as-oh, of course.

When will I learn?

Though my heart beated loudly in happiness, it was still a point in time I really wanted that thief skill to work properly for once.

In my hand was not a massive sword, but instead purple and white striped panties.

“Gasp! H-he stole Catherine’s panties!”

“How did he do that?”

“What kind of man steals a knight panties?!”

At least this was the Blue Whales lot getting angry at me. Maybe rumours won’t spread to the Golden Marmosets? Nah. I’m not that lucky. This is the beginning of Pervzuma round two…

Hang on, why are these panties so wet?

Like, dripping with a lot of love juices kind of wet. Was Catherine sweating or something?

Oh. She got the sand out of her eyes and is now blushing immensely at me. Her eyes have glazed over, and it looks like she’s having to lean on her sword because her knees have gotten weak. What the hell was happening?

“Excuse me, Satou Kazuma,” The big knight with a square face and deep voice frowned at me, “Please do not tease the female knights. They have enough trouble staying focused without you taunting their desires.”

I looked over. He had been sparring with a blonde knight that was now biting her knuckle towards me. Less anger, and more vague interest/getting lost in a fantasy. In fact, all the women weren’t angry. Everyone was either going about their business or looking at me with big eyes.

“Y-you little jerk. Showing me a good time when we all know men can’t deliver.” Catherine sighed long and hard after returning from her glazed look.

I shook my head at the implication, “Men can’t deliver? What kinda messed up flag is that?” What really surprised me was that she raised her sword again like the sparring match wasn’t over. “Wait! Why the hell don’t you want your panties back?!”

“Like you don’t know,” She said with a click of her tongue. Though when it was clear I didn’t she continued, “A-a guy like you taking a girl’s panties… that’s kind of arousing…” Her panting grew so easily, “Just imagining him using my sweaty panties to help him get hard, then he comes over to my room and…”

Some edgy dude growled at us as he fought a small ginger girl, “Ms. Catherine! Dedue asked to not get the girls all riled up!”

Okay, okay, what the fuck?

Blushing faces all around. Busty blonde girl is openly drooling, Manuela is breathing heavily, and even Catherine is still biting her knuckle! All because they like the idea of me having her panties?

There’s only one explanation for this.

One glorious and amazing explanation.

Either I’m in a world inhabited by only Darkness’.

OR I’VE FALLEN INTO A HENTAI UNIVERSE!!!!

Thank you, Lady Eris. My Luck may finally be turning around!

Nearby, without me noticing, was the one girl with long yellow hair and a classic knight getup going against the big dude with an axe. She had been distracted too by the horny and he seemed to be taking advantage of the distraction to win their sparring match. What he didn’t realise was the instant parry she could achieve when her focus returned, sending his axe flying away from him.

“Guh! Watch out!”

“Eh?”

Oh. This feeling again.

The one where a horrible thing happens where I can’t control, and then my head starts rolling along the floor.