The Toxic Lake Sirens

“So what does the scanner say it was?” You ask Gogo while you were stretching your legs, the shuttle’s seats are not as comfortable as they could be.

“It’s saying something about living furniture and toxic waste,” Diana replied, cutting off Gogo who looked at her annoyed.

“Living furniture? Not human furniture?” You ask, getting out of your stretch. Gogo checked the scanner and verified that it said living furniture. But my question sparked a concern of hers.

“What do you mean by ‘human furniture’ exactly?” Gogo asked, giving you a side eye.

“James surely means furniture made by human hands?” Diana said, causing you to chuckle nervously.

“I mean furniture made out of still living people,” you clarify to Diana’s horror. “Some examples are a big breasted woman having her limbs removed so she can serve as a pillow, some electrical wiring added so a character can serve as a lamp, one having their limbs locked in place so they can serve as a table or chair, and so on.”

“That’s horrible!” Diana exclaimed. “And people do that to others?!”

“A lot of people like to have beautiful decorations,” you say a little defensively as you imagined having Diana serve as a nightstand. “There are quite a few characters I know who love being used like that.”

“Why would they want to be treated that way?” Diana questioned.

“The Frankie Foster I talked to said it was the simplicity of only having one job to do and getting to daydream all day,” you replied as you got back in your seat and Gogo moved back to her seat. You checked the scanner and checked who was found.

“It looks like a Lumiere and Cogsworth from Beauty and the Beast are on that island,” you say as you zoom the window in on the island surrounded by toxic water. They were sitting on what looked like thrones made of scrap and trays of thrown out food surrounded them. “So people who were cursed to be magic furniture until their boss found love.”

“Circe?” Diana said with narrowed eyes.

“Well, AN enchantress was involved,” you muttered as you set the ray to pick them up. As you were about to move the shuttle away, the scanner suddenly started chiming again. “Oh, what’s this?”

You zoom into where the scanner was detecting more characters and see a dozen characters popping out of the toxic waste with outraged expressions and waving spears made of junk. The characters looked to be a sort of mutated cross between fishmen from One Piece, merpersons, and Gyarados from Pokémon that had radioactive hair and eyes.

“Oh, the lab guys are going to love me for this,” you say, sarcasm so thick it was dripping. The mermaids and mermen (if they can be called that) were trying to launch their spears and seaweed whips at the shuttle but you were hovering too high for them to reach you.

“I thought sirens were supposed to be beautiful,” Diana said as we watched their ineffective attacks fly at the shuttle.

“Toxic waste can do horrible things to a person,” you drawled as Gogo finished modifying the ray. You record the coordinates of the toxic waste lake so that a lake draining crew can come and remove the waste to make sure more characters aren’t being hidden by the stuff.

“Mother warned me about their singing but I didn’t know they could dance,” Diana said with surprise, causing you to look up from your report, alarmed. The window showed the character circling one mutant mermaid who had literally flaming red hair, fangs, three breasts, purple seashell bra, and green scales. They were dancing as the heavily altered Ariel opened her mouth.

“Not again!” You get out of hover mode as you got the shuttle moving. Your hurry was warranted as a massive waterspout made of toxic waste came out of the lake and started moving towards you quickly. “They can use Dragon Dance?”

“Just get us out of here!” Gogo shouted as she restrapped herself to her seat.

“Nope, we are going to get those characters,” you say as you put your piloting skills to the test as you spin around the glowing green waterspout that the mutants were swimming up. You flip a switch you barely reach and an additional control and screen pops out in front of Gogo. “The ray is now in free fire mode. If you spot one, I expect them zapped.”

“You’re crazy!” Gogo shouted as she got a feel for the controls though missed nearly all of her shots.

“Let me help,” Diana got out of her seat and put her hands over Gogo’s, leaning fully over Gogo. Gogo ducked as Diana’s boobs pressed against the top of her head. Diana was able to better guide the shots and soon the twister was shrinking as there were less merpeople maintaining it. You were still dodging seaweed whips and spears but it was getting more and more manageable though a few of the whips did nearly drag the shuttle in before Diana got the thrower.

“Give back gods!” Shouted the mutant Ariel as she dove out of the twister and latched onto the shuttle’s front with her clawed hands. Thinking quickly, you turned on windshield wipers. Thud Thud Thud was all that was heard as we all (including the Ariel) watched/felt the windshield wipers smack her massive tits back and forth. Gogo and Diana looked at me unimpressed; you refused to look at them directly and simply pressed a different button.

“ARRRGH!” Ariel shouted as several thousand volts from the shuttle’s defense system shot into her. She let go of the shuttle and fell several dozen meters before Diana shot her in mid air. A few of the other mutants had jumped out of the twister after her and were quickly zapped. This caused the twister to dissipate as there weren’t enough merpeople left. Soon the last few characters were digitized before they could retreat underwater once more.

“Did I use up all my luck at poker night? It’s just one thing after another. I am so getting hazard pay for this.” You say once you were sure there were no more surprises. Diana gave you a look and went to the replicator and started burning some herbs over you.

“For good luck,” she said as you went back on patrol again.