Option 2: Turn her down

“No way, I’m not that ****!” you snap, turning her down flat. You refuse to sign up for a lifetime of raising another guy’s kid, or, more accurately, an entire football team’s little whoopsie. Sure, you want to lose your v-card, but not badly enough to accept the sloppy seconds of the entire Mint Ville High football team and their coach. You’re not about to play daddy to a baby born from a locker room gangbang, no matter how hot the mom is.

You'd rather stay a virgin for now, bide your time, and wait for some other girl to come along. Sure, she might be a plain 6/10 instead of a 10/10 cheerleader queen like Dana, but you’d rather marry a virgin without baggage than a girl way out of your league who has a bun in the oven, a bun baked with the baby batter of the entire high school football team and their coach.

Dana scoffs, flipping her hair with practiced perfection. “Your loss,” she says, strutting away like she’s the one turning you down.

Later, you spot her making the same proposition to Ned, your nerdier and even bigger loser of a best friend. Ned, of course, jumps at the chance, not wanting to miss his shot with the 10/10 cheerleader queen. He signs up like a cuck, ready to raise the team’s collective bastard. You’re not surprised. Ned always seemed like the type of loser who’d raise another man’s kid just to be with a girl way out of his league, trading his dignity for a shot with his dream girl.

You shake your head, wondering if you made the right choice. But deep down, you know you did. Some dreams aren’t worth the nightmare they come with.

Later, you find yourself talking to Emily Brown, one of Dana’s friends. Rumor has it she’s a lesbian, and whispers about her “experimenting” with other girls at sleepovers have been floating around for years. “I can’t believe Dana’s actually hooking up with that loser Ned,” Emily says, her tone sharp and bitter, like a scorned lover. “They’re even talking about getting married after graduation! What the hell? If Dana’s so **** to get hitched, she should’ve come to me. Lesbian marriage is legal now, hello!”

“Yeah, well, Dana’s got a bun in the oven,” you reply bluntly. “She’s marrying Ned because he agreed to claim paternity, pay child support, and raise the kid. You can’t exactly do that, can you? That’s why she’s becoming Mrs. Parker instead of Mrs. Brown.”

Emily narrows her eyes. “She came to you first, didn’t she?”

“Yeah, she did,” you admit. “But I turned her down. I’m not about to raise someone else’s kid or marry a girl who’s been passed around by the entire football team.”

Emily lets out a bitter laugh. “You’re picky. I would’ve married her, sloppy seconds or not. I just don’t get the appeal of being with a guy… hey, you want to have sex with me?”

You blink, caught completely off guard. “What? Where did that come from? Aren’t you a lesbian who’s slept with, like, a dozen girls?”

“I am,” Emily says, shrugging. “But the girl of my dreams is marrying some nerdy loser. They're probably fucking like rabbits as we speak. I need a rebound, and maybe I want to see what all the fuss is about with guys. So, what do you say?”

You’re torn. On one hand, the idea of being someone’s rebound, especially a lesbian’s, doesn’t sit right. She’s only interested in you because Dana chose you first, and now she’s using you to get back at her. It’s messy, complicated, and honestly, a little pathetic.

On the other hand, Emily is undeniably hot. And let’s be real, who hasn’t fantasized about being the guy who fucks and “turns” a lesbian? Maybe you could show her what she’s been missing. Sure, she’s technically the sloppy seconds of a dozen girls, but somehow that feels less gross than if she’d been with a dozen guys.

Branch split: what’s it gonna be?

Option 1: Go for it. Have sex with Emily, show her how good it feels to have a man's penis inside her, and see if you can turn the lesbian into your housewife and the mother of your future kids.

Option 2: Turn her down. She’s only using you as a rebound to get back at Dana, not because she actually wants you. Hold out for someone who’s genuinely interested in you, not just using you to fill a void.