Even more naked nightmares than that

"Help!" hollered Denise Sabatelli, who was definitely a top secret FBI special agent tasked with investigating the paranormal and unexplained and wasn't simply an ordinary 22-year-old office clerk with big dreams. "This isn't funny! The aliens are invading Earth! You have to let me go!"

But nobody was listening. She was being broadcast live on literally every single TV screen on planet Earth, from the tiny ones on smartwatches to the giant ones in Times Square, in full high-definition colour and glorious sound, to an audience of literally billions of people. Yet not a single person was heeding her warning. They were all far too busy laughing.

In all fairness, Denise did make a very silly spectacle. She was wearing absolutely nothing but rainbow-striped stockings and a tin crown, plus the words PRETTY PRINCESS written in hot pink lipstick across her large bouncy breasts. Which was exactly what she'd been wearing that one dreadful day in college when that gorgeous boy from the basketball team had walked in on her masturbating to a picture of him! So you couldn't blame them for laughing.

But she had to warn Earth! "No!" she yelled, watching on the huge psy-monitors that the aliens had set up as hundreds of thousands of the cutest boys and most interesting women on the planet all joined forces to amuse themselves at her expense. "Stop laughing! You have to listen to me! They've been monitoring us and they... ow! Ow! Stop!"

It was no use. The probes were closing in.