Episode 1: 'The Whore Next Door Hypothesis' (Scene 2)

FADE IN:

EX. PASADINA, CA - NIGHT

[Sitcom establishing shot of a science-themed whorehouse called TRINITY, with a bright flashing neon sign showing a dude fucking a naked woman cowgirl. Whenever he cums, it causes a nuclear explosion.]

INT. TRINITY - NIGHT

The gang is in a room that's set up to look like a science lab. Sheldon, Leonard, and Howard are sitting on a big comfy couch while Raj is laying down on the floor. They are all fucking hookers dressed in open lab coats. Leonard and Howard are fucking theirs cowgirl while Sheldon is fucking his reverse. Raj is fucking his missionary style like a robot. The asian hooker fucking Leonard is played by guest star JAMIE CHUNG in a brief cameo.

SHELDON (looking irritated): I cannot believe it. A pornstar moving in next door? This is highly unacceptable. How am I supposed to concentrate on my work with all that noise?

BLONDE HOOKER (leaning in seductively): Don't worry, baby. I'll help take your mind off her.

It seems to do the trick as they start making out and Sheldon starts thrusting into her deeper.

The REDHEAD HOOKER being fucked by Raj is officially creeped out and can't take it anymore.

REDHEAD HOOKER (to Leonard): Is your friend ok? He hasn't said to word this whole time and he's looking at me with those crazy eyes.

LEONARD: Raj is just a bit shy when it comes to talking to women.

Howard: He's not that bad. He's just...selective.

REDHEAD HOOKER: Yeah, like a serial killer.

Raj looks hurt and buries his face in the hooker's voluptuous cleavage.

Sheldon stands up abruptly while still thrusting inside the hooker.

SHELDON (frustrated): This is pointless. We need to come up with a plan to get rid rid of her.

LEONARD: Oh come on, Sheldon, you can't be serious?

SHELDON: I have never been more serious, Le...WHAT THE FUCK?!

He walks over to the chalkboard which is filled with wrong equations.

SHELDON (shocked): This is incorrect. How did no one else notice this?

He grumbles, fixing the equations while still fucking the hooker.

BLACK HOOKER (riding Howard): Your friend knows that this isn't a real science lab, right?

LEONARD (breathless): My friend takes science, VERY seriously.

HOWARD (grunting): Hey bitch, less yappin' more slappin', ok?

The hooker riding Howard starts to ride and moan louder in an obvious attempt to get him to finish quickly.

ASIAN HOOKER (riding Leonard): You ok, baby?

LEONARD (breathless): Yeah, I-I agree with my friend that the moans are too much, but I don't know if I want to get rid of her.

ASIAN HOOKER: What's her name?

LEONARD: Penny

HOWARD (grunting): But she looks more like a Dime!

LEONARD: Yeah, she's an up and coming pornstar. The moans are annoying but I mean, she's kind of cute.

ASIAN HOOKER: Why don't you put that Penny bitch in her place? Show her who's boss.

LEONARD (considering): That's not a bad idea...

He looks over at Raj, who is still lying stiff on the ground with the hooker now on top of him. Still looking at her with crazy eyes.

LEONARD (to Howard): You think Stuart could?

HOWARD (grunting): Oh yeah! Definitely Stuart! Now who's hungry for some nerd cum?

The three hookers raise their hands in unison. The three of them close their eyes and groan as they fill the hookers bellies with semen.

ASIAN HOOKER (satisfied): Hmmm, thanks for the snack, honey. Hope everything works out with that Penny girl. But if not...

She hands him her number from her purse and winks. The hookers dismount and giggle, leaving Leonard and Howard to bask in the afterglow.

Sheldon is still standing at the chalkboard, explaining to the hooker he's fucking on how to solve the equation properly. She just rolls her eyes, obviously disinterested.

[COMMERCIAL BREAK]