A Tiny Problem

"What the hell are you doing here, Janet?!"

"Were you watching us?!"

Janet Van Dyne blushed hard. The fluttering of her wasp wings behind her doing nothing to cool the boiling embarrassment that plagued her face. The truth of how she got there was not going to make her look any better, but she knew she just had to lay her cards on the table here.

"I... I was following you, Spidey..." Wasp admitted with a sigh, "You probably didn't even notice me at the Avengers tower. I sometimes fly around in tiny form and, you know, look at things... close up..."

Peter looked quite shocked, though Felicia was giving a nod. Almost like it was a natural course of action if she had those powers too.

"Yours was the first time I ever saw one... move. I thought it was because Spider-Woman came in and there was some... I dunno, mutual spider thing going on?" Peter decided to not bring up either Jessica nor Cindy right now, "So I followed you, I couldn't not! I was way too curious! That thing is like a big foot in the wild!"

Spidey suddenly realised he hadn't actually covered his cock up, quickly remedying that even as his thief pal snickered, "Felt like one too~"

"When I saw you aching away I was gonna approach you, honest! But... I kept getting nervous..." The smart and confident fashion icon Peter knew in his universe was acting like a blushing babbling school girl at the thought of his penis, "Then I thought it'd be better to wait until you get home and, I dunno, knock on your door to say 'hey!'... though, I guess I didn't even know you were the famous Peter Parker so that wouldn't have worked... gah! I'm just sorry, okay!"

Bowing her head low, The Wasp seemed rather genuine in her apology.

Janet hadn't really been on Spidey's immediate list of women before, mostly because of her various other relationships with heroes, and the vastly different social circles the two ran in. From what Peter knew, she was a rich gal with lofty goals and a big heart. Sweet and sassy. A good friend to him, not one he'd ever ask out on a date.

Yet, right now, he couldn't help but notice how hot she was. The skin tight black fabric looked tighter than even Felicia's, though technically covered more skin. 'Technically' because it could be mistaken for a body stocking with how thin it was in this universe. The yellow plating on the front was still present to form the actual wasp theme, starting at her breasts and basically pointing an arrow right down to her drippy crotch. Yes, even from here Peter could see it. This was how thin the material was, not hiding the woman's hourglass curves nor her vast cleavage at all. All with a cute brown bob cut hairdo and blushing face, Peter wondered why she had never been on his list before.

"Jan..."

"I say snooze you lose!" Black Cat interrupted, sensing Peter's thoughts and latching onto his chest defensively, "You only found him this morning, but I've loved him for years! So fly away, mosquito bite!"

The Wasp whimpered in fear, "I-I don't want him for long! Just a quick round trip before he's yours forever! You like jewels, right? I'll help you rob whatever, b-but-"

"I don't need anything like that if I have him!"

"LADIES!"

Both clammed up immediately at Peter's tone. Fear that they'd angered the penis man irreparably staining their hearts.

"Look, I'm honoured, Jan. But," The single word made her look very crestfallen, "But! I have something I need to tell both of you before we continue anything at all!" That made them tilt their heads, but with his courage Peter pushed through, "I... I'm not from here, I think. From what I can tell I'm from a different universe that isn't like this, but where men actually do, uh, feel good down there..."

About twenty mintues and a change of scenery later, Peter had finished explaining himself. The three all sitting on the side of the soiled rooftop and trying to figure out their respective universes.

"Wow, that's all so crazy," said Janet, "I've been on the Avengers long enough to know that we have a bunch of alternate worlds, but to have a visitor just... slot in to someone's life is weird to think about."

As the thief kept quiet, Peter's guilt became too much for him. "I'm so sorry Felicia," He said with a sigh, "I didn't want us to... I didn't want to deceive you like this. But in the moment you were so insistent and reminded me so much of my Black Cat, I guess I lost all brain functions and focused on my junks feelings over yours... can you forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive, Spider." She brushed off casually, "I had fun no matter which version of Peter Parker was inside me. Just tell me this, are we dating in your universe?"

"Uh, no. For some reason she actually broke up with me recently... said I was too boring for her or something."

It was the angriest he'd seen Felicia since arriving here, and he was worried it was directed at him before she spat on the ground with an angry hiss, "...that bitch. Doesn't respect what she had..."

"Soo... this other universe... any easy way to get there?" Janet chuckled, not really hiding her intentions.

"If I knew, I'd tell you." He shrugged empathetically, "But again, I'm not even 100% sure this is a reality switch thing. Feels like it, but with magic I'm never sure if I've travelled, or changed, or the rest of the world has changed, or... you get it. If it'd be alright, we can put this chat on hold and go see some experts on the field? I was trying to do this without involving others, but if feelings are gonna get hurt then I should go now."

Though the two looked sad about it, no one had any objections as Peter pulled his mask down and hopped up onto the ledge to swing away.

---

"Well Peter, I can safely say I'm stumped."

"Though you have a magic influence surrounding your soul, I cannot be sure where, when, or why it is so. At the strength it is, it is just as likely for you to have sat on a gnome as it is for you to have transferred realities a week ago."

When neither Reed nor Stephen had any answers, Peter knew he was fucked.

At least the environment was unchanged. The Baxter Building was a lovely place to have deep existential crisis', you'd be surprised how many Peter has had here! The pure white walls just oozed futuristic science and it always made his inner geek freak out, so to be in a familiar location while he tried to figure out his life was a comfort.

He got up from the examination chair of Reed's lab. It was late, but thankfully Spidey had enough favours saved up in the hero community that when he needed something even the big players would drop everything for him. Though it was just his astral form, Stephen Strange had walked through a magic portal to help diagnose the misplaced spider alongside Reed's magnanimous science.

"Thanks guys, sorry for dragging you both out here."

"Nonsense, this is a fascinating discovery." said science nerd Reed, barely even turning as his stretchy fingers tapped almost every key on his console at once.

Stephen was a little more frown ridder, "Tell me, why didn't you approach either of us sooner if you thought you'd switched universes?"

It felt like he was being chewed out by his two dads, "Uhh, a few reasons I guess. Regular guilt that I'd be bothering others with my problems, but also I wasn't actually 100% sure it had happened, ya know? I'm sure you don't want me knocking on your door every time I get an oopsy daisy feeling that a nice witch sent me through dimensions."

"No, that is true..." He admitted, scratching his beard while contemplating a troubled memory, "If only Johnny Blaze shared the same sentiment... I wish that stunt punk would stop bothering me every time Mephisto sneezes..."

"So the main reason you figured it out was the difference in our genitalia?" Interrupted Reed, getting a picture of Peter's junk up on screen, much to his immediate protests. "Fascinating. New nerve endings, increased sperm production, vastly improved size, and you say you've already ejaculated once today?"

Peter felt like jumping out the window with a web around his neck. "Y-yeah... um, m-more than once."

"Why are you getting embarrassed? Sounds like a tiring time for you, Peter." said Stephen with a shrug.

"It seems he can also experience a female orgasm with this act. Hmm, if it isn't a reality jump then perhaps it's a mutation of some kind. I'm emailing these images to Hank McCoy, perhaps he can weigh in on-"

"REED! Please don't email my penis to whoever you want!"

The flustered Spider had actually made the scientist jump after bursting to his side to yell. After a pause, Mr Fantastic relented, "That makes sense. I suppose I got ahead of myself, Peter. Apologies."

"It's fine. Just... what do I do now?" asked Spidey with a fear in his voice.

Richards and Strange looked at each other, then back to Peter. "You wish to return to your world. Yet, I ask you, where should I start looking? I'm sure you've heard of the concept of an infinite multiverse, Peter. But few realise how big infinity truly is. If your Reed is anything like me then he is a traveller. In all my years of all my travels, I can say that I've never found any male human, alien, or animal that gets pleasure from their penis. In any universe I've visited."

"No way... seriously?" Peter asked incredulously. He'd obviously been to other universes before too but found many to be similar enough to work the same way sexually!

Strange nodded his head solemnly, "It's all true. Even in my travels I've not found such a thing. Perhaps the multiverse groups certain parameters together, perhaps not. There is no grand library of infinite multiverses out there for me to look through so I have no idea which specific universe you are aiming for. It is like trying to throw a dart at the ocean to try and find one drop of water you want. At best you'd spend the rest of your life traversing strange worlds for just a slim chance you can die on your original doorstep."

That really put things into perspective. Peter really was just... stuck here.

He stumbled back into his examination chair and just looked up at the ceiling. It was all so familiar but to be lost in another world was still bizarre. Could he really just slot into another Peter Parker's life like this?

"The long and short of it is there's a good chance you may never return to where you came from, Peter, but we will work on ways to figure it out for you." Reed explained bluntly as a good doctor should. He scratched his chin as Peter hung his head again, "Hmm, if you'd like a more concrete suggestion... to start with, if this is anything like a classic body switching movie, then you must perhaps perform a task or learn a lesson in order to return to your old life."

"...a movie?"

Dr Strange was totally in on the analogy, "Like 'Being Jane Malkovich', or that 'Change-Up' movie with Sarah Silverman and Margot Robbie. Do they have those films in your reality?"

Peter rubbed his temples, "...kinda?" This was the advice the smartest men in the world were giving him.

"Sounds like a good enough place to start as any," Stephen nodded. His astral form fading away with a small bow, "Seems as I've been called away to other matters. Gentlemen, good night for now."

It was incredibly late and the answer well had basically dried up, so Peter decided to call it there too.

A stretched hand landed on his shoulder, with Reed giving him a warm fatherly smile, "Look Peter, I know this is all strange but I'm glad I could still be a familiar face to you. And if it's any consellation, from the way you described your initial entry to this universe... you, here, with so many women wanting you? Maybe this really is a reward for your bravery. I know you've earned it son. I say enjoy it while it lasts."

---

Stepping out of the lab, Peter felt exhausted. Part of him wondered if the trip here was ultimately worth the aggravation since all he had now more questions. But at least he had a few ideas of what to do next.

"Did he help you out?"

"Kind of, sounds like... wait, Felicia?! Janet?!"

Turns out the two he thought he'd left on a rooftop had followed him all the way to the Baxter Building. Both looking very concerned for his health. Two sexy hotties in skin tight outfits rushing over to him like they were both his girlfriends.

"Sorry, Spider. Couldn't wait to run into you randomly again," The Cat smiled in an attempt to be saucy though nerves were clearly getting the better of her. "What did the smarties say?"

After another brief explanation the ladies were caught up. "Hmm, like the Change-Up, eh? So what do you think your grand quest in this universe is supposed to be?" Asked Janet. Another totally on board with the analogy before Peter.

"Could it be getting a girlfriend?!" Felicia excitedly asked.

"W-wait! It could be fucking as many women as possible!" Wasp suggested quickly, making the cat frown at her, "Come on, it makes sense! Maybe he's been sent here to save as many women as he can, cause he's a true hero or something!"

"This is starting to sound like a bad porn book plot..." Peter sighed.

Janet snapped her fingers, "Oh yeah! I think I may have read that one!"

"M-me too..." Felicia admitted, coughing quickly to both cover her tracks and bring the conversation back to her, "But look, Peter, it's late. I still can't walk right, and you probably need to sleep after a long patrol." Surprisingly, she was totally right. A wave of fatigue hitting him as he realised how much he was missing his bed, "But... I would like an answer soon, about us."

"Right..." He nodded, looking between the two of them, "Right, yeah. I need to pick between-"

"No, that isn't what I need."

Spidey tilted his head, once more getting surprised as Felicia pounced forwards into his arms. The strawberry smell of her hair on his nose as she pressed as much of her against him as she could, "Felicia...?"

"I don't need exclusivity at all. I can feel you getting hard again just from this. You clearly need as many women as possible to quell this fucking beast of a penis." She purred into his chest, looking up at him with big eyes, "I just want to be part of it. Of whatever form your life ends up as in this world, I wanna be there. I really do love you, Peter."

He gulped. It was all too good to be true. Parker brand guilt still twinging in his heart... but responsibility was also his deal, and he had probably impregnated this Felicia tonight.

No... no, it was beyond that. He had always cared for Felicia. She was fun, sweet, and a total knockout. Was Peter thinking too hard about this? He'd learned long ago that reality had a tendancy of shattering under the most minimal of superhero stress, maybe this was just his life now... and why shouldn't he enjoy it before the next shattering? "Honestly? I love you too, Felicia. I promise that I'll do right by you."

Tears were dribbling past her mask now. An untouchable smile on her ruby lips that showed only appreciation for his words and his soul. "You always do."

They shared a long kiss. So much passion and love in their embrace that it felt like it would last forever.

But even perfection had to end sometime. Felicia and Peter stopping to look at each other once more before the Cat turned to look at her rival. "Okay, Ms. Van Dyne. Peter will be going on a date with you tomorrow at noon. Pick him up from the roof of the Daily Bugle, and don't be late. Okay?"

"Woah, what?"

"Yes! Yes, thank you Felicia!" Janet exclaimed, wrapping the thief up in a tight yet brief hug. Then disconnecting to awkwardly wave her fingers at her future date, "B-bye Peter~ See you tomorrow!"

Before Peter could voice a single protest the woman shrank into fly size and, well, flew away. Escaping down the Baxter Building hall before he could even shout for her return. "Wait Felicia! We just proclaimed our love and you're already pimping me out?!"

"Guh, don't be such a man about it, Peter." She chided with a smile and a roll of her eyes. Peter had no idea what that meant contextually anymore. "Look, if you are from another universe or whatever then there's something you really need to understand... you're what a LOT of women have been waiting for." Her tone was serious, though the topic seemed foreign to ol' Parker, "As soon as it gets out about you and your thing, and that you're trying to leave, then women will sell their goddamn souls to get a piece. You're going to be a very popular Spider~"

He sighed. Partially out of guilt, but mostly to stop how excited he was by the prospect. I mean come on, he may not be a teenager anymore but this was certainly a dream come true for any man (not from this world). Perhaps he really should stop complaining about all this and just go with the flow like Reed said. At least until whatever higher power sent him here decides he's had enough rewarding.

"Also I may have sent her away because I can't walk anymore," She chuckled in his arms, "Seriously, it took everything I had to get me here after what you did inside me. I don't suppose you'd mind swinging this limping cat home, please?"

With a smile he quickly scooped her up in a bridal hold, "Of course I can. Wouldn't want you becoming a stray now, would I?"

"These mean streets are tough for an upstanding gal like me~"

"Upstanding? This universe truly is a backwards place."

"Oh, shut up!"

As the two laughed and bantered away together while walking to the launchpad of the Baxter Building they were being unknowingly watched by a pair of invisible eyes.