A Target of the Editor

After another long day of exercise and masturbation, Funbags McDiddle could not wait for her husband to come home. It was not just because he had the most amazing cock in the world (which he did, of course), or because his semen tasted better than a gourmet meal, or because she was addicted to having sex with him -- it was true love. From his thick, perfect hair, past his bulging muscles, and even below his twelve inch long cock, she loved every inch of him.

Just thinking of him made her want to touch herself again, but Funbags used all her willpower to get dressed in one of her sexiest, sparkliest micro-skirts and a matching top that squeezed her E-cup breasts together exactly the way her man liked them. She primped in front of the mirror for a moment, checking every line of her bold, colorful makeup when the doorbell rang.

"Oh! Din-din is here!" she peeped before tottering to the front door on her patent leather pumps. The delivery boy's eyes turned into saucers at the sight of the blond bombshell, but Funbags hardly noticed. After all, that was the same look all the delivery boys gave her.

"Uh, ahem, miss, er..." the boy looked at the receipt on the bag he held as though it was written in foreign language. "Um, I'm sorry, this can't be right. The name here says 'Funbags.'"

"That's me!" chirped the bimbo as she took the bag. "Thanks cutie!"

The young man could hardly think as the mesmerizing mountains of flesh jiggled in front of him, but as the door began to close he suddenly snapped to attention and spoke up.

"Oh! Hey! Miss...uh...this was in the driveway," the delivery boy said. "Does this belong to you?"

He waved a silver smart phone in his hand. Funbags took one look at the device and nodded her head vigorously.

"Yeah, that's my husband's! Thanks, sweetie," she said. Then, as she took the phone she leaned over, pressed the enormous mounds that shared her namesake against him, and gave him a kiss on the cheek before shutting the door.

The boy drove to his next stop with a hardon and a new love of his job.

Funbags went to the kitchen intending to set the table for dinner, but when she set down her darling husband's phone the picture on the screen drew her eye.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" she gushed. "Boo-bear has a picture of me as his screen saver! And it's got all kinds of stuff about me next to it."

Flattered by her dear husband's undying devotion, and more than a little curious, Funbags could not help but to look closer. Reading was, at best, a struggle for her, but she tried her best to see what the phone said about her. The first line was easy; her name was Funbags McDiddle. Duh! She wished she could be "Mrs. Dirk Wood," but her hubby said he loved her maiden name too much for her to change it. Next, the phone had some more simple information: Sex, Female; Height, 5'6"; Weight, 110 lbs.; Breast Size, EE; Measurements (Funbags only figured that word out by the numbers next to it), 44"x24"x38".

The rest of the data had too many hard words so Funbags quickly became bored, but when she casually flipped at the screen she saw something that seemed both weird and familiar. Under her profile was another one -- and it belonged to a man that was not her darling Dirk. Stranger yet, above the second profile was a header that said "Original Version" (she had to sound out the first word to understand it and had no luck with the second one, but the phrase still seemed ominous).

"What's an Original Versy?" she asked herself. Then, very slowly, the bubbles in her mind percolated until something very much like an intelligent thought emerged...