Was this the Original Me?

"Was this the original me?" asked Funbags. "No, that's silly. Isn't it?"

Then, with a long red nail pressed to her plump, red lips, she thought harder. The man in the second profile did look familiar. Almost like a long-lost brother. His hair was not platinum blond like Funbags', and his face was plain and dumpy, but something about the eyes felt like looking in a mirror. Then she read his name.

"Brock Brumfeld?" said Funbags. "Why does it seem like I should know that name? Oh! This feels so creepy! I should put Dirky's phone away!"

Looking at Brock's picture made Funbags feel unsettled in a way she had never felt before. It was like something was stolen from her, or worse. She just wanted to forget the whole thing, put dinner on the table, and take off her panties so she could be ready when her husband got home. But she just could not look away from the silver device.

"Hey, what's that mean?" she asked herself after scrolling to the bottom of the man's profile, where a large red button said "Reset." Big red buttons usually did important things, like turn on the TV or vibrators. Funbags really wanted a vibrator right now -- getting off always made her feel better -- but she soldiered on, doing her best to figure out this mystery.

"Okay, so, like, maybe the red button will make Brock-or-whatever-his-name-is go away," Funbags reasoned. She had forgotten that she was looking at her husband's phone, and the idea that the confusing image on the screen could disappear began to seem like a good solution to her problem.

"Yeah!" Funbags continued. "Maybe it's like Mr. Buzzy! The big red button makes him shake and the big red button turns him off, too. I'm going to turn off Mr. Brock-who-makes-me-feel-icky."

With stoic determination, Funbags pressed the Reset button. Then, with slightly less determination, she pressed the "yes" button when the question "Are you sure you want to reset this file?" popped up.

A second later, Brock Blumfeld stood in his best friend's kitchen, holding a silver smart phone in one hand while wearing a bright pink, sparkly crop top and mini-skirt and trying not to trip over the pumps on his feet.

"Son of a bitch!" Brock shouted. "Dirk! I can't believe you did that to me! You made me your bimbo wife?! I've been sucking your goddamn dick for six months! And loving it! I-I-I...okay, okay! Dirk's an asshole and he'll get his, but he's gonna be home any minute. I got to figure out how he did this to me..."