...until Teysa hatches

Aliara swore to herself that she'd wait as long as it took. In the end, she was waiting for a week.

At first she just sat by the cocoon. She talked to it as though it were Teysa. She wasn't mad, she knew that much; she just thought that it might help if Teysa could hear her voice. She told Teysa about everything that had transpired since her injury: Rakkec, the medallion, Lil'esh and Fen'li. She talked about their past together in the adventuring party and adventures Aliara had had on her own. When she was sure there was nobody around, she talked about her past in the drow City, her childhood and the horrors she had seen.

The driders brought her her meals without a word. Every time they came, they would stare at the cocoon with reverent expressions, sometimes reaching out to caress it. El'keth came most often, and she would sit with Aliara for hours and listen to her stories. She brought news from the warren, as well. Dirreg's foot was healing nicely. They had held a funeral for Thi'vo, and the driders had all attended. The Matron had read from the Scrolls of Lolth, traditionally the role of a priestess, and not even Nikkias had complained. Rakkec was still in his cell, and he repeated his story whenever he was questioned. The driders believed him, but they had no intention of letting him go. There had been no further attacks, and no word from the City; the Matron was considering sending a formal message to Mish'li, but for now, recovery had to come first.

They had lost eight driders, a substantial number by any measure, and hundreds of spiderlings. The warren mourned these losses as well. How many of them would have ascended to driderhood, given time? The loss of so many cast their broodmother problem into stark relief. Aliara knew that when the remaining broodmothers passed, she might be in trouble, but it was hard to look that far forward right now. Her problems were much more immediate.

At least the trainees had proven themselves. They had been holding themselves apart since their arrival, but the crucible of battle had brought them closer to the warren. Nikkias was instructing some of the younger driders in Lolth's Catechism, and Fen'li was learning to weave. Lil'esh was trying to learn the drider language, though it was difficult for humanoid mouths to pronounce. The drow had, by unspoken agreement, moved their belongings from the peripheral cave where they had been put to a more central location, and often slept among the driders in silken hammocks. El'keth seemed excited about this newfound closeness, but Aliara found it hard to care. She knew that Teysa would be overjoyed to hear it when she woke up, but as each day passed and the cocoon remained unbroken, Aliara's hope faded. She fell into melancholy and sometimes spent hours in silence, staring at the far wall.

By the fifth day her thoughts had turned maudlin and self-pitying. This is all your fault, Tey, she thought bitterly. Your decision to stay. Your decision to fight. Why couldn't you have just been happy with me?

Ever since she escaped slavery, Aliara reflected, she had been living one day at a time, scrabbling for survival. Every night she went to sleep a free woman was a victory, and every morning she had to fight all over again. She'd had friends, of course-- though "companions" might be a more accurate way of putting it-- but they were passing, transient things, relationships that came and went without tears. When she had first met Teysa, she'd thought that this partnership would be the same. Sure, the paladin was brave and cheerful and caring, but Aliara had to look out for herself first. That was just the way things were.

Since their time in the cave, though, things had been different. Feelings had stirred in Aliara that she hadn't felt in years. She'd dared to believe that things might be different this time. Teysa had shown her that, even if she hadn't realized it: the possibility of a life lived for more than mere survival, a life that was fulfilling and not just extended. She'd allowed herself to plan for a future, a real future: maybe settling down, even the possibility of peaceful retirement. What's more, she'd actually started to buy in to Teysa's wild ideas about "making a difference" and "improving the world." Reforming the driders actually seemed possible. A tiny, dangerous thought had flared in Aliara's mind like a candle flame, and despite its flickering, it had not gone out:

Maybe the world will be a better place because it has me in it.

More fool her. She should have known something like this would happen. The world had no place for do-gooders and difference-makers. The world was a brutal place where you lived or died by your wits and strength alone. Teysa had never understood that. She'd been a fool, and Aliara had been a greater one, because she'd known better and allowed herself to be suckered anyways.

Perhaps it would be **** if she does die. Then I'll be free. I can leave this miserable place. I made it on my own before, I can do it again.

Images floated up in her mind's eye: Mish'li the priestess, Lil'esh with that distant look in her eyes, and El'keth, her face full of naive hope. And behind them: Nyssi and Devto and Oyanna and all the other broodmothers they had freed, now out there in the world somewhere. Maybe they had reunited with their families. Aliara thought of her own mother. If she hadn't died, if she came back today, what would she say to her? What would she do? Given a second chance... how could you measure the worth of something like that?

How long had she roamed the world as an adventurer? A decade? Two? The days had blurred into weeks, weeks into years, each the same as the last. What kind of mark had she made on the world in all that time? She remembered Orius... or Orias, or something, a bard who had traveled with her for a time. A year? Two years? Five? She couldn’t remember. They had been rivals at first, then friends, then lovers, clinging fiercely to each other in a dangerous world. How had he died? Dragon breath? A trap in some forgotten oubliette? She couldn’t remember. She couldn’t remember. She couldn’t even recall his face now.

She curled up on herself. Her heart was leaden, her soul raw and bleeding. Oh, gods without number or name, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tey. I didn't mean it. She felt miserable and mean and wretched and unworthy. I'm so selfish. Tey, you were right, you were so right. All of those people deserve a chance at a life, a real life. And I do, too. I'm sorry, it was a moment's thought, please please please don't hate me.

Please come back. Please. I need you. I love you. I love you.

She would never be Teysa. She hadn't taken a vow, and her God never demanded anything from her. But even if she didn't believe in Teysa's dream, she believed in Teysa. The paladin always cradled hope in her breast even in the darkest times, and even if Aliara couldn't see that hope right now, she had to trust it was there. Maybe this is faith, she thought, as sleep claimed her.

By the seventh day she was calm as a stone. She could feel something in her chest, a tightness. Today, she knew, something would happen. Her vigil would be over-- one way or the other.

El'keth came by to deliver a bowl of mushroom soup for breakfast, but she didn't stay. Perhaps something in Aliara's manner unnerved her. The half-elf sat with her back to the cocoon in a meditative stance. Her breaths came slow and deep. Her heartbeat echoed in her chest: ka-DOOM, ka-DOOM, ka-DOOM.

Something moved behind her. It was the tiniest thing, a twitch in the silken bubble of the cocoon, but it snapped Aliara out of her trance at once. She climbed to her feet. Aches and twinges reverberated up and down her legs. She stumbled a few steps away and leaned against a stalagmite for support. Now she could see the cocoon clearly. It was definitely moving. Bumps rose and fell on its surface. They reminded her uncomfortably of the roiling in her belly just before she delivered a brood of spiderlings.

A bulge formed in the cocoon's surface, rose, and tore outward. Something poked through for just a moment-- something black and spiky. Aliara's eyes widened. For the first time, she felt a hint of fear. What if the process had gone wrong? What if it wasn't Teysa in there at all? Suddenly the big white oval was a fearful thing. She drew backwards, but despite her terror, she couldn't bring herself to leave the room. Something was alive in there. Teysa was alive in there. She was coming back, just like Aliara had prayed for. Her gut was a sick mix of wonder and terror and love and fear.

The cocoon twisted violently and a long tear opened along its surface with a sound of ripping silk. An arm flailed out of the tear for a moment-- a human arm, the skin an ashy grey. Aliara heard a sound from somewhere within, a low groan. A dark shape moved just under the surface. The cocoon wriggled, then split down the middle, and Teysa tumbled out.

It took a moment for Aliara's brain to make sense of what her eyes were seeing. There was Teysa's face, recognizable as ever. Her shock of coal-black hair was where it should be. Her shoulders were as broad as ever, her arms banded with muscle. Her skin, though, was wrong. Stony grey had replaced the pink, as though Teysa was covered in ash. And her legs...

Her legs had vanished. In their place was a vast, chitinous abdomen. Eight spidery legs depended from it. They were curled up beneath Teysa now as she lay on the floor coughing and retching. Someone was screaming her name, and Aliara realized it was her. Teysa paid her no mind. She was staring at herself with mounting horror written on every line of her face.

She groaned again and vomited a thin, acidic gruel onto the cave floor. She stared at it for a moment, then collapsed onto her side. Aliara's mind was still processing what she had seen. The Matron's words echoed in her ears: Some of my essence. How had Aliara missed that? She had been so deranged by grief, she would have agreed to anything to have her Teysa back. Had she known the whole time? What devil’s bargain had she made?

She withdrew further into the shadows. She wanted to rush out, to comfort the woman she loved, but her legs would not obey her. Teysa had curled up on herself and was sobbing. Aliara reached out one trembling hand and snatched it back. Her pulse thundered in her ears. Teysa was back. That was what counted. Wasn't it? That was all she had wanted. Teysa was back, and so what if she looked a little different? Aliara had seen much stranger things in her brief span. This was just another river to cross. Teysa was back, and that was all that mattered.

If she put it that way, she could almost believe it.