the officers answer some questions

Two POLICE OFFICERS stand behind a desk. A DOCTOR stands near a door.

OFFICER JOHN: How did we get over here behind your desk?

DOCTOR: Looking at me now, from your own perspective would you say the desk is in between us or behind me?

OFFICER MICHELLE: What a ridiculous question it is clearly between us the only question is how? (She glances around looking for things at her disposal to use against the DOCTOR should the need arise, hand still firmly on her holster.)

DOCTOR: If the desk is in front of you and between us then am I not still behind the desk?

OFFICER JOHN: We were not behind this desk before. (JOHN asserts)

DOCTOR: When you two entered was the desk between us then?

OFFICER MICHELLE relaxes slightly as if she is realizing something.

OFFICER MICHELLE: Yes. So are you suggesting we have always been behind a desk?

DOCTOR: From my perspective you could certainly say so.

OFFICER JOHN: But now you're near the door!

DOCTOR: How far away must one be in order for them to be near something? Being indoors have I not always been near a door?

OFFICER MICHELLE: If you have always been near a door and we have always been behind a desk, has anything changed?

DOCTOR: (nervously) Y-yes. I am standing.

OFFICER MICHELLE: Did you do something to JOHN'S gun?

DOCTOR: Is that JOHN'S gun? (The DOCTOR gestures towards the nerf gun in OFFICER JOHN'S holster.)

OFFICER MICHELLE: As I said before. I am not asking about the gun he does have I am asking about the gun he did have.

DOCTOR: If his gun had somehow gone missing would he not still own it?

OFFICER MICHELLE: (suspiciously) Yes...

DOCTOR: (grinning) So are we not talking about a gun he does have then?

OFFICER JOHN: (confused and frustrated) But I do not have a gun!

DOCTOR: Well then, I do not see what the issue here is.

OFFICER JOHN: Er... We came here to ask you some questions—

OFFICER MICHELLE: Concerning unusual reports regarding you and your patients.

DOCTOR: So I have heard. Is it not strange for an officer to not have a gun?

OFFICER MICHELLE: (ignoring the DOCTOR'S question) We heard that patients leave your office quite different than when they first entered.

DOCTOR: Is a doctor's job not to leave their patients better off than when they enter?

OFFICER JOHN: Aha! Are they left better off than when they entered though?

DOCTOR: (confidently) Yes.

OFFICER MICHELLE: We've heard reports of patients leaving here having somehow become a different age or gender than when they arrived, and many having rather drastic changes in personality. Even if it was for the better we want to know how you did it.

DOCTOR: How do you know I did anything?

OFFICER JOHN: You must have done it. They entered your office one way and left another.

DOCTOR: Did anyone see me do anything to these patients?

OFFICER MICHELLE: Yes. The patients!

DOCTOR: Are the patients the ones who gave the reports?

OFFICER JOHN: No... many reports were from their friends and relatives.

DOCTOR: You would trust the word of worried loved ones about the care of a patient over me their doctor?

OFFICER MICHELLE: Are you their doctor? If DOCTOR is your name and not your title are you even a doctor?

DOCTOR: Of course. If your name is MICHELLE are you not a Michelle?

OFFICER MICHELLE: Are you a Medical doctor?

DOCTOR: I have a better question. (DOCTOR turns to OFFICER JOHN) Are you really a cop?

OFFICER JOHN: Enough of this! Do I not look like a cop?

DOCTOR: Not while wearing a diaper and a tutu.

OFFICER JOHN looks down shocked and embarrassed to see himself in a large pink tutu. Feeling around on his butt he can feel the thick padding under his shorts

OFFICER MICHELLE: (hesitantly) ...Why did that happen?

DOCTOR: Did something happen?

OFFICER JOHN: (petulantly) YES!

OFFICER MICHELLE: This is just like your trick with the desk. I just have t figure out how you did it.

DOCTOR: Are you familiar with the concept of fabricated memories OFFICER MICHELLE?

OFFICER MICHELLE: Why does that matter.

DOCTOR: The brain is a very gullible thing. Is it not true that you're more likely to misremember events when under a lot of stress?

OFFICER MICHELLE: ...Yes. So?

DOCTOR: Do you not have a very stressful job?

OFFICER MICHELLE: Are you trying to imply my last 10 years of partnership on the job with JOHN are somehow all made up?

DOCTOR: I'm not implying I'm telling you. That's why you two came to me.

OFFICER JOHN: (suddenly uncertain) So you're telling me we don't have any relationship with each other then? Is it not far fetched to say we would imagine such a long relationship

DOCTOR: Oh certainly. You do have a relationship together, but not as partners on the job. MICHELLE here is your girlfriend.

OFFICER JOHN: (firmly) I remember being a cop just this morning.

DOCTOR: Do you think someone in a diaper and tutu in a doctor's office with his girlfriend is the kind of person who is mentally well?

OFFICER JOHN looks over to his partner MICHELLE for some support. MICHELLE averts her gaze and lowers her head in shame.

OFFICER MICHELLE: No.