herself to sleep

Beth is angry like she's only been a few times in her life. But most of all, she's disappointed in herself and her behavior. - "What am I doing?! First I offer to massage his feet... that's fine, just being nice. But then... licking them?! Licking his dirty and sweaty toes?! What was I thinking?! And now this... this damn smell on my hand... What is wrong with me?! This is so disgusting! It's so disgusting... What will Rick think? What would Maggie? Or dad?!" - She rolls in bed, running scenarios in her head. No matter how hard she tries, Beth just can't come up with an acceptable excuse for her behavior. Exhausted, she convinces herself that sleeping would be her best alternative at that point, she had had enough for one day. She shuts her cell door, immediately closing the curtain behind it, but she's so unfocused she doesn't even remember to light the candle. Sitting on sheetless bed, she removes her boots, her socks, then stretches her toes lingeringly. After hours of confinement, it feels terrific. Upon staring at her feet, though, her mind quickly jumps back, rethinking what had just happened.

"I've never had a proper boyfriend, never even tongue-kissed anyone! And now... now I've already licked a man's foot..." - Unsettled, she tries to brush it off and removes her yellow pullover, only then realizing how she's burning up. - "It's so god damn hot in here, why am I wearing this thing anyway?!"

Next to go are her jeans, leaving Beth in her tank top and a pair of white panties. She picks up the pile of clothes and throws it on the chair next to her bed, missing. Half of the pile stays, half falls, which makes Beth sigh deeply. She picks up whatever's on the floor but before stacking it on the ciar, she senses some moistness on her skin. A more careful squeeze seems to point to her jeans and Beth freezes for a second. Examining the pair more carefully, it doesn't take long for her to spot the source of the wetness. She knows exactly what it is and she just throws the jeans away in anger. "Now I've got sperm in my hand, in my hair and on my pants... unbelievable. Just god damn unbelievable. Pretty soon everyone's gonna know what you've been up to..." - She thinks as she lies down, inconsolable.

Without any covers in the room, Beth just turns on her side and tries to sing herself to sleep, like she has done many times before. It's almost a whisper, but it helps calm her down. Anyone peeking through the curtains right now would have Beth's ass staring right at them because of how she was lying in bed. Although not wearing a thong, Beth's panties don't do much in terms of covering her flesh and the fact that they're white only makes her look even more exposed. Peacefully, Beth's tiredness catches up to her and she drifts into sleep. As the night goes on, she unconsciously snakes a hand in between her legs...

**************************************

Morning comes early for Beth. Used to waking up at about 8, Beth's early night had her up at 6 the following day. She actually feels great, rested and ready to help, until she spots her thrown pair of jeans. Her only pair of jeans, now with a big, white stain on them. - "I gotta get rid of that before everyone wakes up." - She dresses quickly, again putting on the yellow pullover as a habit. She doesn't even pay attention to the wetness of her panties, probably attributing it to the scorching heat that morning. Little did she know that wasn't sweat. Exiting her cell she silently walks to the bathroom but, as she's about to enter, she hears:

"Ah, Beth! Great, you're up already! I'm gonna need your help with the laundry." - Said Carol, the only person in the prison to actually wake up earlier than her.

"Oh, of course." - Replies Beth, with a yellow smile and walking towards her. Laundry is always a tedious and, as much as she tries, Beth just cannot escape Carol and soon enough, the others start to join them. - "Great... just great. Now I'm gonna have to wash my jeans only at night when no one's around." - Beth's day proves to be much like the days before that, except for the previous one. She helps around the laundry, the kitchen, cleaning and with Judith, nonstop. All of a sudden, the group hears the rumbling of the cars approaching the gates. Rick's back from the supply run. With an angry face, he just walks past, not saying a single word to anyone.

"Something must've gone wrong again." - She thinks, unable to focus on laundry again. Her eyes shift to the others, carrying the supplies in. As they walk by, someone says: "Mark's gone..." - Beth's shocked by the news, as ready she might think he is, she wasn't expecting another **** this soon. She thinks about Rick and how he must be taking it and, before she knows it, she is right back where she was the night before, standing by his cell.

"So... how was it?" - She asks, trying to make conversation.

"Hard, just like all the other days. We lost Mark today, he was only 16!" - He grunts, punching the mattress. It's almost deja vu for Beth as she watches Rick lie down.

"Yea, I heard about that... he was a nice guy."

"He was. Brave kid. Saved our lives today..."

"People die everyday, now. I lost Zach, too. You lost Lori. You can't be responsible for everyone..."

"Yea, well... easier said than done. When you're the leader of a group you feel responsible. No going around it."

"Nobody here's blaming you..."

"Well, I am. And I wonder if Mark isn't either..."

"Mark's dead, Rick. We have to accept that and move on. It's awful, but I don't cry anymore, that's just how it is now."

Rick stopped replying at this point, just staring at the ceiling. Kneeling beside him, Beth grabs his boots and attempts to remove them, driving Rick to talk again.

"Beth, I know you're just trying to help, but I don't think a massage is gonna cut it today." - He says, petting her head. - "I can't just lie here getting massaged while Mark is probably turning as we speak. We were surrounded... we couldn't even..."

Taking Rick's hand and holding it against her heart for effect, Beth preaches: "But punishing yourself is not gonna help anyone, Rick! Not you, not me, and definitely not Mark! Now stop this meaningless punishment of yourself and let me help you." - She pleads, startled by how insistently she is arguing. - "You're not gonna bring him back by mistreating yourself, are you? He's gone. Why does that have to get in the way of making yourself ready for the next day?"

"How is getting massaged preparing for the next day, Beth?!" - He raises his tone, scaring Beth and pulling his hand away, only then noticing how it was right on top of Beth's left breast.

Wide-eyed, Beth tries to explain: "I... I don't know... exactly... but it can't hurt, can it? Maybe if you're more relaxed tomorrow, you c..."

"I can't relax anymore, Beth, don't you get it? Not after seeing that kid die..."

"But you can, you did yesterday when I massaged you... you can do it again..." - She pushed.

Shaking his head, Rick just said: "Sort of, yea. But that wasn't exactly why... never mind, Beth. Forget it. Just let me be."

Disappointed, Beth whimpers - "I thought you liked it..." - As she remains sitting down on the cell floor.

"No, no, I did. I did like it. It was great, Beth, that's not what I meant." - Rick replies. annoyed at the whole thing, but feeling guilty for upsetting Beth.

"What did you mean, then?" - She pries, still red-eyed.

"I just meant that... look, it's... kind of personal, okay? Your massage was great, it really helped me take the load off but..." - He continued, impatiently. - " Look, Beth, I don't wanna be rude, I'm just really angry right now. I don't wanna hurt your feelings even more, so could you just leave me alone?"