colleens weekend

"I’m glad it’s the weekend Brigid- what are you going to do today” Colleen said to her sister at breakfast

"Go swimming at the beach this morning would you like to come”

"You only want a lift"

"No I can go with Andrew"

Colleen raised her eyebrows “The famous ersatz boy friend the one you have when you don’t have one”

"No different to Mr Hawkins" Brigid retorted then seeing her sister's face dissolve into tears added “Look I’m sorry I shouldn't have said that. How is he by the way? I hope you told him we were praying for him at Youth Group”

“I know you didn’t mean any harm but seeing that good man so injured was horrid. He’s not my boyfriend- I don’t think he ever will be he’s far too good to be interested in me but” she gulped paused and went on “but I cried when I left the hospital. Seeing that good man so hurt – he could be a friend”

Brigid gazed at her sister wondering “why are we so different when we look so alike- she is so tortured, so desparate for people to like her, no self confidence at all” then said “Look come to the beach Andrew can take me home and you go and see Mr Hawkins – I cant call my teacher by his first name- after a swim. The beach will do you good”

Colleen felt much better after her time at the beach- she enjoyed swimming and body surfing and exercised hard. She was tired but happier when she drove to the hospital hoping to talk to Jim thinking “Almost like going to confession but I need to talk to someone about what happened on Wednesday and Jim will be understanding- that’s what he’s like he knows things and he seems to look inside me”

She walked into Jims ward to find a blonde nurse about her own age at Jim’s bedside speaking to him“I think you’re amazing Jim, so brave. I’d never be able to do what you did- rush in and try to help others”

“Whats with this nurse?” Colleen thought “ Shes chatting Jim up. Got the top of her blouse undone too and giving him a good look” She coughed sligtly “Excuse me Jim I called in to see how you were. I’ve just been to the beach and was passing on the way home”

“That’s very kind of you, thanks Colleen. Come in and sit down”

The nurse stood and turned to Colleen who read her nametag- Georgina Reid.

"I’m sorry this isn't visting hours are you a family member” Georgina snapped

"Um no I’m…"

Before Colleen could finish her sentence Georgina snapped again “I’ll have to ask you to leave then. This is a hospital after all” She turned back to Jim and said in a much softer voice “I’m sorry but we have rules”

Colleen flushed and said “So long Jim, I might call in tomorrow.” Turned on her heel and walked out leaving Georgina smirking at her departing back. Colleen fumed, angry with Georgina for being so pushy and for making such an obvious play at Jim, with herself for not standing up and for looking so foolish and at Jim for not seeing through the nurse “He could have asked me to stay or something” she thought. Once again she felt rejected, hurt, her longing for affection only intensified.

She turned her phone on as she left the hospital to find a message “Hey Colleen its Garry don’t forget about tonight. Your choice of a place to go. We want to make you feel good. Ring me or Lil back please”

“they only want me as some sort of toy for them. Stuff it at least they want me. No one else does. Why cant I ever find someone who’ll like me” Colleen thought before phoning back and accepting the invitation.

"Hey what are you doing up so early on Sunday morning” Brigid asked her sister “ and why are you all dressed – you look like youre going for a job in your dark skirt and white blouse, youre even wearing heels”

"Brigid can I come with you to mass?"

"Colleen you have never wanted to in years but of course Andrew will pick me up and I’m sure he wont mind. Is anything wrong?"

"I don’t want to talk about it I just want to go to mass"

Colleen hardly spoke at all in Andrew’s car and sat by herself in St Columba’s and said nothing on the way home. Andrew and Brigid spoke in whispers about Colleen, how she didn’t take the sacrament, how she seemed so tense and wondered did she cry during mass.

Colleen was silent at lunch and afterwards excused herself and drove off not saying where she was going. She drove for a while then went to a park sitting on a bench under a tree then she drove to the hospital. She checked it was visiting hours before she walked up to Jims ward.

But when she got there, there was Georgina Reid in a clinging t shirt and jeans sitting at Jim’s bedside her hand on his, her plump but curvacous body leaning forward. Colleen was about to turn on her heel and walk out when Jim said “Hi Colleen come in please”

“But Jim” groaned Georgina “I thought you said…”

Jim broke her off “Look Colleens a friend and I want to talk to her. What’s the problem? We can all chat. Come and sit down Colleen”

“But Jim” Georgina started again I thought you and I could have some time together just you and I”

“Steady girl” thought Colleen “this nurse is shooting herself in the foot”

"I’m sorry Georgina” Jim sat up swinging his legs out of the bed and onto the floor “but I think Colleen and I need to talk and if you want to speak to me alone perhaps you can come back when youre on duty again.

“If that’s what you want Jim, maybe I’ll see you later maybe I wont” Georgina muttered as she flounced from the room.

“Now whats this all about Colleen” Jim asked “I’m sorry about Georgina she seems to be a bit upset today. Normally such a sweet girl”

"Jim she's trying to chat you up."

"No one does that" he said looking despondent. "What do you want to talk about anyway?"

"Promise you’ll hear me out? Promise you wont get angry or disgusted with me? Jim I need your help” Colleen started sobbing and grasped Jim’s hand.