...and then seeks out the guidance she came here to find.

Teysa was awakened by the distant sound of bells. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and sat up to see Aliara smiling down at her. "You looked so comfy," the half-elf explained. "I wanted to let you rest." Teysa stretched and yawned, then swung her legs out over the edge of the bed. She was already feeling refreshed, although the soreness of her joints told her that she would be paying for today's misadventure for some time.

"While you were out, I did some talking," Aliara continued. "You wanted to see a priest while we're here, right? Well, there's an Agamorian mission at the far end of the cavern. I think we can make it there and back before Jez'ria and El'keth close up shop. Sound good?"

Teysa was still too groggy to do anything but nod. She allowed herself to be helped up and led down the stairs and out into the bustling market. With no sun overhead, it was impossible to judge the time of day, but the fires had dimmed somewhat from earlier and some of the stalls had closed up. It seemed to be early evening, by local standards. She peered out across the way to the site of their recent escape, and was gratified to see a crowd building around it. Armored dwarven guards did their best to keep order, and she could see faint billows of black and gold smoke drifting above their heads. "Come on," hissed Aliara. "Don't stare. We don't know who saw our faces." She led Teysa on a circuitous path around the edge of the market, finally stopping at a clean-looking and orderly plaza full of stone facades.

Teysa studied the buildings, looking for something she recognized. There was a hammer crossed with a lightning bolt; she thought it was the emblem of one of the dwarven houses, though she wasn't sure. A sculpture of a female dwarf holding a set of balancing scales was surely some kind of courthouse, and an image of a dragon coiled over a bed of coins-- the coins picked out in gold filigree-- was probably a bank or counting-house. Some of the buildings had holy symbols: the double-headed axe of Orrum, the wheel of Tarsus, a cracked mountain that belonged to one of the dwarven gods. And there! Tucked in at one end was a modest chapel with high, peaked windows and the sunburst of Agamor etched above the lintel.

The ground around here was tiled with mosaic patterns that shifted and flowed into each other. As they approached the building marked with Agamor's seal, the patterns became bright, dazzling rays of sunlight. They converged on a ring of citrines set in the ground itself, forming a gigantic sun around the temple's threshold. As they stepped inside, Teysa felt a momentary warmth, as though a sunbeam had peeked out from behind a cloud.

The building inside was a chapel of the kind she had seen many times in her youth: rows of pews, an altar and pulpit at the front. Most temples to Agamor would have broad windows to allow in sunbeams, but they were underground; rings of citrines and topaz were set in the walls, and torchlight reflected off them and lit the room with a sparkling yellow glow. A half-dozen parishioners were kneeling in silent prayer throughout the room. At the front, a cassocked man stood at the altar with his back to them.

Teysa cleared her throat and the man turned around. He was human, stooped with age, with a long grey beard and a grandfatherly face. He smiled politely when he saw them and shuffled forward. "Welcome to the house of the sun, my children. I am Father Tuubel. How can I help you?"

Teysa's mouth opened and shut. All at once she couldn't think of what to say. She had come so far and been through so much, yet now she stood paralyzed with fear. "I..." she began, "I..."

Father Tuubel must have noticed her disquiet. "Would you like to talk in private?" he asked, his gaze flickering to Aliara.

Teysa shook her head emphatically. "No! No, I can do this. I'm just..." she took a deep breath. "My name is Teysa, of the Order of the Golden Ray. This is Aliara. I came to you because I am-- I can't-- because I--" she stammered into silence. This is it. I have to say it. I have to.

"Because I don't feel Agamor's presence anymore." The words all tumbled out of her in a rush, and she clapped her hand over her mouth, but as soon as they were said she felt lighter. There. It's out. No more secrets. Seeing the quizzical look on Tuubel's face, she forged onward.

"I used to feel him. When I prayed, I mean, and when I fought. His presence, his warmth. But lately it's just a... just a void. Ever since I was a little girl, the only thing I wanted to be was a paladin..." The whole story spilled out of her: her career, joining Aliara's adventuring party, their mission to the Underneath, the driders, the City, the goddess... she hadn't meant to say so much, but once the words began flowing it was impossible to stop them. She left out the details of her impregnation and her ordeal at the Empress's hands, but relayed the rest in a calm monotone. Telling the whole tale felt unreal. It was like she was relating a story she had read in a book, or something that had happened to somebody else. When she reached the part where Aliara had died and risen again, Father Tuubel's eyes widened and his gaze flickered to the half-elf for a moment, but he continued to listen in polite silence.

When she had finished, Teysa sat back and exhaled. Only then did her voice break. "And He's silent, Father!" she said, feeling the lump in her throat and hating it. "I don't feel Him around me and in me like I once did. When I pray, it's like nobody is listening! Is He testing me? Have I angered Him?" She swallowed. "Are we so far outside of His light that He cannot reach us down here?" The thought felt terribly heretical, but she couldn't stop herself from voicing it. She hadn't realized how much she missed the sun, but now she was feeling its absence keenly. She stared at Father Tuubel, looking for some hint of condemnation in his expression, but the old man's face was carefully blank. He ran his fingers through his beard and stared at her.

Just as the silence was becoming awkward, he spoke. "Thank you for sharing your story with me, Teysa," he began. "I cannot imagine how you have suffered. Your courage and fortitude are admirable. Certainly much greater than my own." He raised a finger. "But! I will do my best. In answer to your question: yes, Agamor's light reaches, even down here. Your order's mission is to bring a light into dark places, isn't it?" He waited for Teysa to nod before proceeding. "And there is nowhere darker than the Underneath, I shouldn't think. My own mission was sent for the same reason. If you live in the sun, you don't need a reminder of its warmth, do you?"

Teysa recalled saying almost the same thing to Aliara earlier. "I suppose not," she agreed.

"Indeed. It's easy to have faith in the warmth of the sun when you feel that warmth on your skin every day. Down here, it's hard. There is no shame in having doubts. We all have doubts sometimes. Shame only comes when you let your doubts stop you from doing what you know is right." Tuubel took one of Teysa's hands in both of his. His skin was warm and leathery. His liver-spotted fingers trembled slightly as he spoke. "I have barely met you, but I can tell your dedication to your cause is real. Agamor certainly knows your heart better than I, yet I doubt that He found anything in there to displease him."

"But when I pray," Teysa said, "I used to... I used to feel him. It was like standing by a window on a summer day and feeling the sunbeam on my face. Warmth, and comfort, and light... now, I just feel like I'm speaking to myself. Have I sinned? Am I being punished?"

The old man pursed his lips. "I can't see why," he said. "What purpose would punishment serve, if you aren't even aware of your crime? If you were being punished, you'd know it, and you'd know why. If Agamor has withdrawn from you, it is not to punish you, but in service of some higher purpose. Perhaps this is the path He needs you to walk right now. But He had a reason. That's my faith. I trust that, whatever comes, it serves Agamor's purpose._ I _serve His purpose."

Aliara had been so silent that Teysa had forgotten she was there, but now she spoke up. She sounded angry. "That just sounds so passive, Father!" she said. "If something good happens, Agamor did it. If something bad happens, Agamor let it happen, so something good could happen later? What kind of way is that to live?" She shut up abruptly and gave Teysa an apologetic look, but Father Tuubel only chuckled.

"Maybe so," he said. "I'm a bit old to learn a new way of looking at things, I'm afraid. But I'm down here, aren't I? I think that Agamor has a plan for us, but that doesn't mean we just sit around waiting for it to come to fruition. We do our best to live honestly and faithfully. That's our end of the bargain. And if we hold up our end, Agamor will hold up His."

"Father," Teysa insisted. "I know that His ways are not our ways, but it still feels like He's... pulling back from me, somehow. Leaving me alone. My Order has certain rites, you understand, to channel Agamor's holy power and smite His foes, and I have found them harder and harder to manifest. Usually they don't work at all. That's not a feeling, or a mood, or a, a, suspicion or something. It's real. Isn't it?"

This time it took a while for Father Tuubel to answer. "I am not a paladin," he began, "but Agamor gives certain gifts to his clergy, as well. When I was a young man-- yes, I was young once!-- I dreamed of channeling His holy fire. I wanted to wander the world, healing the sick and righting wrongs. Even, perhaps, bringing life to those unjustly cut down." His gaze once again landed on Aliara, and a hint of a wistful smile curled his lips. "I had some tricks, yes. I could close wounds by laying hands on them, I could blind foes with a flash of Agamor's light. I even traveled with a band of adventurers for a while. But the world was full of adventurers, and whenever we arrived at a town, there were always more problems to solve. Thousands of us, tens of thousands criss-crossing the land, and none of us seemed to make the slightest bit of difference. All of my tricks couldn't create anything that lasted. What you did in the drow City... that will last. I hope. It's fragile, but we're seeing the effects of the peace, even now. The slaves are free, did you know that?" At that, Aliara looked up suddenly. Teysa felt the half-elf's body go stiff.

Father Tuubel went on as though he hadn't noticed. "So maybe some of your rites aren't working the way they used to, but that doesn't mean Agamor doesn't want you. You don't need them now, that's all. You've entered a different phase of your service. Those tricks are a distraction from your true purpose."

Teysa nodded. All that made sense, she knew it did. She still felt that she was missing some crucial thing, some explanation that would get across her feelings of emptiness. Her fears had not gone away. Indeed, they had sharpened; if Agamor really did follow His servants everywhere, even into the Underneath, then why did she feel so very alone?

"I hear you, Father," she said, "and I thank you for your counsel. I'm sorry, I know the problem is with me, not with Agamor. I just... I can't... it's one thing to say that he's still with me, but to know..."

She burst into tears.

Aliara's hands were at her shoulders, rubbing, squeezing, but Teysa leaned forward. Wordlessly Father Tuubel wrapped her up in a hug and patted her on the back. Up close he smelled musty, like a library full of old books. She felt the years fall away, and all at once she was back at the Abbey, crying in the corner of the chapel because she missed her mother and father. Then old Sister Charity had sat with her and sung softly until she calmed down. "There, there," he murmured in her ear. "It's all right, Teysa. You've been through a terrible ordeal." The two of them rocked back and forth for a minute or so, until the flood dried up and Teysa sniffled. Tuubel produced a cotton handkerchief from somewhere in his robes and handed it over for her to blow her nose.

Tuubel took her hand again and looked up into her eyes. His stare was surprisingly intense, and for a moment, Teysa caught a glimpse of the young adventurer with fire in his belly. "Teysa," he said, "there are all kinds of theological justifications I could give you, examples from scripture of warriors who fought Agamor's enemies with nothing but the strength of their limbs. All kinds of stories about warriors who kept the faith even in their darkest hours. But I don't think any of that is necessary. I know Agamor hasn't abandoned you, not because of Him, but because of you. You're the one who keeps risking her life to save people. You're the one who forgives even the monsters who captured her. The very fact that you're so worried about losing Agamor's favor means you shouldn't be. You embody the ideals of the Order of the Golden Ray. I can't speak for our God. I don't know if He's testing you, or why, or what His silence might mean. But you certainly haven't done anything that would make Agamor turn His back on you, and He doesn't punish without reason. So, since there's no reason, this must be no punishment. Logical, no?"

He smiled, and Teysa couldn't help but smile as well, though her eyes were red from crying. "There's one other thing, Father..." she began, and absurdly, her cheeks flushed. "I mean, you may have guessed it, but Aliara and I aren't just, uh, we're not friends, I mean we're friends, but we're also, uh..."

Aliara slid an arm protectively around Teysa's chest and laid her head on the paladin's shoulder. "We're lovers."

"I hate that word," Teysa said, but she nodded all the same. "But it's true, I guess. God, I _really _hate that word, Li, don't say that to people."

Aliara shrugged. A ghost of a smirk lingered on her lips.

Father Tuubel gave them an appraising look, arched one eyebrow, then collapsed in a fit of laughter. "Really?" he said. "That is what was worrying you? Teysa, did your Abbey not offer theology classes, or did you sleep through them?" He raised a hand at the sight of her stricken expression. "I'm joking! Teysa, Aliara, love is the greatest gift Agamor gives us. There is no requirement that you be celibate, and if He cared so very much about what form your love took, well, I certainly would never have become a priest." He winked at their shocked expressions. "Oh, it's all the same at my age, anyways."

Teysa wiped away the last trace of moisture on her cheek. "Well... thank you, Father," she said. "You've put some of my doubts to rest." Some of them, certainly, but not all. If he picked up on that, though, he was polite enough not to say anything. "Be well, my daughter. May the light of the sun shine upon you."

"And you as well." Teysa's fingers folded into the sunburst, a muscle memory since childhood. She bowed and turned to leave.

As they stepped back out into the market, Aliara took her arm. They walked in silence for a while, then the half-elf spoke up.

"So? Did that help at all?" she asked. She sounded apprehensive, and Teysa could feel her fingers digging into her arm. She gently extricated herself and turned to answer.

"I think so," she said. "It's something I am going to have to work through. But he didn't seem to think I'm being punished or abandoned."

"And what do you think?"

Teysa sighed and looked away. "I don't think it matters what I think."

"It matters to me!"

"Well... it's hard to explain. It's like... imagine you hear a noise in your head every hour of every day, so constant that you stop consciously hearing it, and then one day it's gone. It feels like I'm off-balance."

"Tey, you know I'm here for you, right?" Aliara was back to squeezing her arm, and when Teysa turned, she saw the half-elf staring up at her with an intense expression on her face. "I'm here. Anything you need. Anything I can do. Just say the word, ok?"

"I will, Li," Teysa assured her. "Thank you. For everything."

They walked in companionable silence as the merchants all around them struck their tents and rolled up their mats. Up ahead Teysa could see the bulky shapes of Jez'ria and El'keth. The smaller drider noticed them first and waved enthusiastically.

"Teysa! Aliara!" she called as they approached. "How was your mission? Was it a success?"

Teysa shrugged and immediately regretted it as the knots in her neck flared in pain. "I guess," she said. "You made a profit, right?"

"A handsome vun." Jez'ria was grinning toothily from ear to ear. "Vith your help, of courze. Ve got everything ve needed and more. Show them, little vun."

El'keth held out one arm. Her wrist was decorated by a bracelet of braided gold. A massive cabochon ruby dominated the center, ringed by spirals of lapis and jade. "Look what I bought!" she said. "Jez'ria said it's my share. It's lovely, isn't it?"

"It is!" Teysa agreed. It was a little ostentatious for her tastes, but she didn't want to puncture the young drider's obvious enthusiasm. "And that's not all!" El'keth said. "Look!" She held out a spool of bright silver thread. "Jez'ria said that she will teach me to weave more elaborate patterns when we get back, and with this I can make more clothes!"

Jez'ria rolled her eyes. "Clothez. Will you hark at her? Vhat is wrong with your body, that you need hide it so?" She gestured at her flat stomach and round, swaying breasts. "Nobody tellz me I should put on clothez. Clothez are for two-legz."

El'keth looked away hurriedly. "Well, I like them," she said in a quiet voice. "I think they look nice."

"Me too," Aliara added. "You know, Jez'ria, she could probably knock something quick in taffeta out for you. You sure you're not interested?"

The thought of a drider in a ballgown was too much for Teysa and she hid a giggle behind her palm. El'keth laughed too, and Jez'ria had the good grace to smile. "Another time," she said. "Ve rest now, and ve should head out tomorrow. Help me load this onto the cart." She gestured at the day's proceeds-- a crate full of metal tools and weapons, a couple of large baskets full of coal, and some of the glowing stones, plus a large chest full of silver coins. Together they managed to womanhandle it into the cart and trundle back to the Cockatrice.

There was no question of the driders fitting through the entrance, so Teysa and Aliara brought dinner out to them. The four of them sat in a circle chewing on some kind of roast fowl (supposedly pheasant, though Teysa had her doubts) while Aliara related the details of their adventure earlier that day. El'keth's eyes grew huge when they reached the part about the fire. When they had finished, she clapped her hands to her mouth. "You two are so brave!" she gushed. "And clever, too!"

Even Jez'ria seemed impressed. "It vas a daring plan," she conceded. "Foolish, but... sometimez the godz smile on that sort of thing. Vell done." She licked the grease off her fingers and stretched her arms over her head. "Ve have a long day of traveling tomorrow, and ve have to be vell-rested. I can't afford to lose any more legs."

Teysa had avoided looking at the drider's injuries-- one leg was a stump, another crushed and mangled-- and she shivered now at the nonchalant way Jez'ria talked about them. "Are you sure that the Matron can help you with those?" she asked.

"No," Jez'ria said. "But if she can't I can't do anything about it. And if she can I don't need to do anything about it. So vhy vorry?"

That philosophy seemed a little fatalistic for Teysa, but she was in no mood to make an issue of it. Her stomach was full, she was warm, and for the next day at least, probably nobody would be trying to kill her. She'd take that.

"Goodnight," she said. "See you tomorrow." She stood and, Aliara in tow, headed back to her room.