Your shorts are ripping

No, no, NO!

Your mind is flooded with fear and fury at yourself for making this horrible decision. Unlike underwear that's actually meant to move and stretch this cheap pair of shorts was clearly not meant for high activity (and extra pounds).

You also curse yourself for not realizing sooner but you were in the zone. Both sides had almost entirely ruptured and the middle seam was entirely blown, which was almost making this into a loincloth. That was actually how you figured it out when you felt your junk slapping against your thigh. You reviewed the damage further and, fortunately, it seemed like the waistband elastic was holding up.

So now you were stuck on what to do next. You could walk back to the house slowly but that would take like 30 minutes; it's also starting to look like rain. You could run back as fast as possible but wearing only (basically) a loincloth may be risky and you're not sure how the shorts will hold up on a return trip. I suppose you could also ask a neighbor nearby if they have a spare pair of shorts you can borrow but that would be really embarrassing.

Ugh!