Chapter 33
by fyreant
What's next?
You send Snowflake away and concoct a fake hero to watch Bella Donna (surely they'll be trustworthy?)
For the moment, you decide, you cannot afford to be at odds with ALL of the (uncaptured) members of your team. So you have decided that you will use a clumsy historical metaphor, and consider Snowflake the 'Stalin' to Red Balloon's Hitler: an utterly distasteful yet indispensable ally against a greater evil. So you should show her some degree of kindness.
Not that she makes it easy. While you're on your way to drop off boiler-plate appeals against the name-related legal challenges with Collatrix, the super-powered file clerk (who is currently in a smug mood and taking every chance to pat herself on the back for insisting that the League find room in its budget for bomb-proof filing cabinets), Snowflake manages to pick a fight with "Mr. E", another political crank hero, when she overheard him referring to the mobs looting storefronts and vandalizing superhero-related businesses as 'scum that need to be put down'.
The hero she's shouting at only has a white trenchcoat and an expressionless metallic mask for his costume. He has no powers and only goes after minor street-level hoods, but like Snowflake, never passes up an opportunity to pontificate at length about morality. Snowflake is screaming at him that he's a bigoted troglodyte and that the only reason those people are running rampant over the city is because they've been so historically disadvantaged and due to police brutality.
"Snowflake... I'm pretty sure those are just supervillain fans," you try to say, but she ignores you. Red Balloon screws her face up (she does that a lot) and peers at you. "Supervillain fans? What ARE you talking about?"
"Exactly what it sounds like. Jeez, wasn't your dad a villain or something? Why do you think villains put on costumes and wear trademarks? Polls say that about 15 to 20 percent of the population sides with them. People with dead-end jobs, people who're jealous, frustrated, or just nihilistic. That's why they never have a hard time finding henchmen no matter how badly they treat them. Pfft... this is why heroines should get a proper undergraduate education about superhuman history before jumping into an organization like this."
Snowflake keeps raising her voice higher and higher, making a scene. Not only that but she is physically getting in Mr. E's face... grabbing him by his shoulders and pushing her shapely breasts up against his chest. To his credit, he seems completely unfazed, and doesn't try to use **** against her; either he's some kind of anachronistic gentleman, or just saw Snowflake's 'snowperson' golems in action on the news and realizes she could easily kick his ass.
"Hey, time out for a second." you mute them both. "Now that I have time let me just say this: Snowflake. You have proven yourself to be a very capable heroi..." you catch yourself before you say 'heroine'. "-heroic individual. But I don't want you to overheat and melt." The tall, white haired 'nonbinary' raises an eyebrow and looks frustrated that you interrupted.
"That is to say, you took quite a beating today and did the heaviest lifting with your powers. I can tell using them like that is tiring. You need some rest and relaxation, at least until the early morning hours when the real villains come out. Besides... aren't you still a college student? You don't want to fall too behind, if only to safeguard your identity."
Snowflake blinks at you and looks a little sheepish. "Well... yeah, I am in college, for another year or so at least. How did you know that?"
With heroic effort, you keep almost all trace of sarcasm out of your voice. "Oh, just a lucky guess, I suppose. Now, off you go. Keep your communicator on." As Snowflake nods and starts walking away, Mr. E begins following after her. "Where do you think you're going?" he walks briskly after her. "I'm not going to stand idly by while a person who sympathizes with objectively evil actions claims to represent an institution of justice. I need to see that you have understood the self-evident facts I'm presenting you with or I'll have to take this to the highest..."
"I know we're not done! I can walk and argue at the same time! Come on!" She grabs his arm to pull him after her. As they go, he keeps brushing off her grasp and putting his finger in her face, and she keeps finding excuses to 'angrily' push, grab, and bump up against him. You can't help but crack a smile. Knowing that guy, he's way too dense to realize that this is Snowflake's way of being flirtatious, and that this is his chance to stop being such an angry virgin. Well. whatever. Whether it stays as a shouting match or ends up in the bedsheets, it'll distract her from fretting over Griffinwhatever and keep her from causing YOU problems.
You look over your shoulder. Both Red Balloon and the supervillainess being led around in handcuffs are glowering at you. It is a credit to Bella Donna's intelligence that she quickly figured out that you were muting her speech for everyone but her, and she is settling for staring daggers at you instead. Considering that she relies on gadgets for her villainy (and a costume that shows as much skin as hers leaves VERY little room to conceal weapons), you aren't so worried about her - other things are weighing more heavily in your mind, things that need to be addressed immediately. "Balloon, I'm going to go get us a ringer. Wait here."
Your efforts to find another hero to take custody off your hands proves very difficult. At first you'd assumed that low-ranked guy heroes would be easy marks when you pointed out Bella Donna to them from a distance. She is certainly easy on the eyes in that outfit. However, that seems to be exactly the problem; a lot of these guys may be prone to thinking with their dicks, but at least they were self-aware of it, and tactfully refused to put themselves in a position where they might get vamped on in such a dangerous situation. And every lost minute is costing you.
But then, you see a familiar face from your ignominious time working as an NCP security guard after you lost the Nightingale title. A humble custodian NCP by the name of Andrew. In contrast to virtually all of your other male co-workers, he'd been a perfect gentleman and never harassed or hit on you in the slightest, yet always went out of his way to do nice things for you and the other guards... bringing coffee, offering rides to those whose cars were in the shop, and so on. A hard, thankless and overlooked job, and far from a safe one, in a place like this. It was enough that, in the brief time that you'd known him, you hadn't the heart to tell him that his ambitions of becoming a hero himself were hopeless for a multitude of reasons (having a lame power, being almost 40, lack of a strong jawline) when he showed you his tacky homemade costume. He smiles, nods and gives you a thumbs-up as usual.
...well. Isn't Maiden America fond of saying that the average American working hard every day and fulfilling his or her civic duty is 'the real hero?' "Hello there Mr. Dembski. I know you're working really hard what with this bomb disaster and all..."
"Nah, nah, the extra help you heroes have brought in is making quick work of it. We'll have the old HQ ship-shape in no time." he says with a nod.
"Oooooh," you say, smiling and grabbing his hand. "That's perfect then, because I need your help with a special favor..." you lower your voice to a whisper only he can hear. "Do you think you can get your 'Ajax the Great' costume? I think he's needed...."
What's next?
Perils of a Novice Superheroine
A generic superheroing setting drenched with sex and scandal
Acropolis City, the center of super-human and caped crusader activity in this particular world - with its own dizzying highs and lows, high-tech skylines and slums standing in stark, four-color contrast, it provided everything that a costumed megalomaniac or masked vigilante could ask for. In fact, as is usually the case where colorful masked characters are the norm, it has become something of an institution by this point. But although the mere existence of costumed heroes and villains no longer shocks people, these people - who, by their very nature, thrive on attention - keep finding new ways to stand out from the crowd and attract the eye. This last goal tends to get a lot of emphasis in the most simple, sexualized way possible. For reasons that the world's most brilliant scientists have yet to explain, latent super-abilities seem to manifest more often in women than men by a ratio of 3 to 1 or more. This is true even when the superpower isn't "natural"; paranormal artifacts fall into their hands, esoteric martial arts schools never seem to have a male heir, the technological prototypes they test always seem to be the ones that are most easily used or abused for good and evil. Unfortunately, the glory days of the past where citizens were happy to see any old masked do-gooder show up are over - in recent years, Acropolis City has established a ranking system of heroes where those who get high marks from the citizens and resolve incidents are rewarded with corporate sponsorships and (most coveted of all) seats at the prestigious League of Propriety. Those who intimidate the populace, cause excessive collateral damage, or simply don't excite anyone, garnering low rankings, get 'asked' to move to less prestigious cities. Few superheroes want to get stuck battling clans of villainous hillbillies and corrupt small-town sheriffs for the rest of their careers, so they're always eager to please the influential citizens of Acropolis City (judges, eminent scientists, first responders, and of course the all-important reporters). On the other side of the law, a similar dynamic predominates; only the most glamorous and charismatic costumed ne'er-do-wells can make it in this town. And so, the novice superheroines just learning the ways of battling for justice and order, without any team to back them up, always end up patrolling the skeeviest, most undesirable slums of the city and taking on the most thankless rescues. As if that weren't bad enough, most of them feel obliged to dress in ways that get more outlandish and revealing with every passing year while they fight the good fight and/or feed their craving for attention, depending on how you see the 'cape life'. As if that weren't troublesome enough, the superhuman mutations that make so many of these heroes' careers possible also result in greatly increased sexual sensitivity, particularly in females. The adventures and misadventures that these spandex-clad lady crusaders get into are often too hot to print for the kind of comics that their young admirers would read. Messy mistakes will be made, but you don't want to disappoint your readers, do you? So let the League know what kind of superheroine you are, your chosen name, powers, and appearance, and they'll send you out on your first patrols. Good luck.
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Updated on Jun 15, 2025
by micdan282
Created on Nov 30, 2016
by fyreant
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