You put your study materials back together

It takes you a few minutes to do, seeing as most of it's just been tossed in the backseat. It's all there, though, and it's not like you mind. After all, it's proof that Ashley was more concerned with getting to you and helping you than she was about your things.

You pause, suddenly hit with the thought: Ashley cares about you. She must have driven like a madwoman to catch up to you before...

You shake your head, truncating that line of thought. You resume collecting and sorting your study materials, and sit down in the passenger seat once you finish. You consider where you'll go/what you'll do next. The first thought that comes to mind is the library, but you shudder and dismiss it out of hand.

Emma can find you there.

You consider the apartment, but decide that that might be awkward for doing homework, too. You're in the middle of thinking of somewhere to go to finish your homework when Ashley joins you in the car, entering the driver's side door. You look over at her. She's flushed and breathing hard, but not as badly as when she tackled Emma.

"Is everything alright, Ashley?"

She looks over at you, an incredulous expression on her face. "I should be asking you that, Chris. How're you holding up after... all that?"

You consider her question. You're not quite as faint as you were before, and being able to bury yourself in sorting out your study materials has helped put some mental distance between you and what just happened, but... You shudder, trying not to think too much about it.

"I... I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? Because no one's going to hold it against you if you need some time, and maybe someone to talk to."

You shrug, smiling wanly. "I'm used to it. Besides, what would I even say?"

Ashley just looks at you, a realization flickering over her face. "God, you've been dealing with this for years, haven't you?"

You shrug again, trying very hard not to think about it. "It's nothing new. So what? I have other things I need to worry about."

Ashley puts a hand on your shoulder in what's obviously meant to be a comforting gesture, but mostly just feels awkward. "Things like what? School? With something like that weighing on you? How the hell are you still alive?"

You shrug again, deciding not to comment on the hand on your shoulder. "I haven't died yet, I guess. And I happen to rather like school." A cloud passes over your mind. "I might need to avoid the library for a while, though."

"Still, you deserve the chance to work through what's happened to you."

"Deserve or not, I don't have the time to even talk about it," you say, growing weary. "Who would I even talk to, you?"

Ashley almost physically recoiled, and you instantly regretted your choice of words. You tried to backtrack as she withdrew her hand from your shoulder. "I'm sorry, that came out wrong--"

Ashley interrupted you, starting the car, her face stony. "No, you're right. Why would you bother opening up to me? I don't deserve to be your confidant after all the shit I put you through on almost a daily basis. God, you must be terrified of women if that blonde bitch is what you're used to."

The two of you drove off, and you were at a loss for words. You tried to speak, but all you could get out was, "I'm sorry--"

Ashley interrupted you again, looking at the road, her expression fierce. "Didn't I already tell you that you've got nothing to be sorry for?! You need real friends, who you can talk to about your problems, who can be there for you through them! And I've made it very clear for the last year or so that you've been my roommate that I am not someone you can talk to!"

Ashley was practically yelling, though a flash of intuition that didn't normally come naturally to you told you that she was really yelling at herself. Your insight is completely undermined by the next words out of your mouth. "Why do you care?"

The question falls flat and deadens the air. Ashley is quiet, seemingly fuming at herself. You try to recover. "I mean, I can tell you really do care. I don't know what to do with it, but you saved me, and that's got to mean something. I just... don't get why."

Ashley remains quiet, letting you speak, her rage subsiding as you continue rambling on.

"Why would you care about me at all? What have I ever done for you but what I'm supposed to? I'm not that special, I'm just some quiet nerd who likes to keep to himself. Why did you care when you heard that I was in trouble?" Tears come to your eyes, though you don't completely understand why. "What did I ever do to deserve saving? Why would you want to save someone so badly broken and dirtied?"

You fall silent, breathing heavily. You fight to keep the tears down and the thoughts away, but it's too much this time.

The smell of chloroform. A collar. A blindfold. A gag. Bindings. Touching. Orders. Pain. Pleasure. Her voice.

All joined by the sight of the scars under your collar, the blood leaking from them mixing with the water as you showered for the first time after. Joined by the memory of a thousand nights locked out of your childhood home and **** to sleep on the stairway, alone and forgotten. Joined by the memories of every place you slept after you lost your scholarship until you found new work. Joined by the memory of just that morning, when Emma had stolen your safe place from you.

You don't even recognize that the car isn't moving anymore until Ashley is hugging you again. Only this time, you aren't the only one crying. This time, Ashley is crying with you, and you hold each other, sharing your pain. It feels so strange to be cried over. The fact that Ashley is crying with you for your pain, as if it were her own, is a fact so alien to you that you finally let down the barriers of your mind willingly. Rather than trying to **** down the tears as soon as you can, you let yourself cry and cry until it doesn't hurt so bad.

You don't know how long it's been when you finally stop crying, but you know that Ashley isn't crying anymore. She's still hugging you, and truth be told, you don't want her to let go. Again, a strange feeling. You pull back, and Ashley lets you go, wiping her eyes and face. She takes a deep breath and looks at you. "If you want to talk about it, I'm here. You don't have to, though, if you don't want to. And for the record, I think you're a good person."

You nodded, breathing deeply. "I think... I can talk about it. Can we get home, first, though?"

Ashley smiles, nodding. "Of course."