You need somebody strong who you know can be paid off...

With some annoyance, you were **** into the age-old problem: you didn't know a single creature in the world of Shards of Arkus besides pumpkin-heads, other Halloween monsters, and the few humans who were assembled inside this cave. It was hard to even picture a beefy person other than barbarians and warriors who routinely beat you up during Halloween and the zombies in your cave.

Wait a minute... "people who beat you up..."

You asked Evilward if she thought the Crowmaster would be willing to carry you to the Haunted Castle, if you paid him off in spell-books?

The former Sheriff seemed more offended at the idea than you expected, even considering that she seemed intensely offended by every word that left your mouth in the average case. "Are you mad?! You think I'm going to venture out with you alongside the person who got me into this whole cultist mess to begin with?! You're out of your rotten mind!" She banged her fist down on the bedspread in anger, which caused nothing more than a creak; it would have been a more dramatic gesture if you guys had a dining room to hold this conference in.

Patting your head with one straw-covered hand, you smirked and explained your logic. You'd already seen that Crowmaster wanted the books you were carrying. He hadn't organized the Town Watch into a search party yet, which probably meant he wanted a crack at all of your books himself, rather than letting other people in on it. He'd already proven he was no real friend of humans, either. Sure, it was going to be hard to trust him, but he'd be intensely outnumbered in your traveling party. Lastly, he was the only person you could ask without letting even more folks in on the secrets of the Pumpkin Lord's crypt.

Plus, as a final point you didn't dare mention to your Justicier... if he turned out to like it in the traveling party, with all of these cute girls and your charming natural charisma, maybe he'd decide to turn over a new leaf and join you! It was a pretty optimistic thought, but you thought it all the same.

"Okay, so you aren't mad, but you are an absolute bastard." The moody ranger crossed her arms beneath her new, very large breasts, then scowled. "I suppose I wouldn't mind the chance to stick another dagger in his back, though." You could tell she was, once again, fired up about the opportunity to role-play in scenarios where betrayal became especially likely.

You nodded your head for a moment, paused in silence, then raised one straw hand to ask a question. You asked if the Crowmaster would be amicable to transforming into a girl if he did join your cult? A tall, muscular black warlock lady could round out your party of sexy cultists extremely well!

"Lord, no. I don't even know why I agreed. I am probably the only person in the whole damn world that values honor and integrity enough to uphold the promise I made to this extent," Evilward scoffed, closing her eyes with a growing vein in her forehead. She seemed to see this as a point of ego, to be worn like a badge: that she alone was dedicated enough to her sense of justice (or her RP character?) to go along with your ridiculous request to change genders. As you mourned the loss of your hypothetical warlock lady, Evilward poked one finger against your pumpkin, bouncing it back and forth. "Plus, I'm not talking to that guy. Get Pike to do it. She can get away if he predictably just tries to clobber her with his staff. High strength for a warlock, that guy. Might explain why his cast time is utter shit. Blasted, ungrateful, talentless bastard."

You nodded, eager to get that blasted, ungrateful, talentless bastard on board so you could finally have legs for your new adventure!

"I can't believe Dick is the most faithful guy I had on that Town Watch hunting party. Sod it all," the Justicier grumbled, before returning to her chalice of wine and drawing heavily from it, as though she really needed the drunkenness right now.

You didn't get to see exactly how Pike snuck into the town and managed to bring back Colt the Crowmaster, but she did. The elven thief grinned and dramatically stepped to one side, holding out her hands as though presenting her catch... as if she'd ever be able to hide that guy behind her back. There was no reason to even step aside. You could probably fit three Pikes into a guy that size. "Your offer worked like a charm! This guy's eager to get more books ASAP," she snickered; it seemed that getting up to mischief had caused her good mood to return, which you were thankful for.

The bald warlock agreed, then stroked his jagged chin between one large index finger and thumb. "Yes... I am especially interested to get back the book I was **** to abandon during our battle. We can start there. You remember the one, pumpkin?" he questioned.

You scratched your head awkwardly with your straw, then explained that you'd actually used that one.

"God-dammit!" the shaman growled, kicking a heavy rock across the room effortlessly in his anger. He'd really been hoping to acquire Sexual Technique (Ultra) and you'd stolen it from under his nose. Gritting his teeth, he faced back toward you and raised one palm with the fingers up. "What the fuck?! What are you even going to do with sexual technique?"

From the corner, Bathory gave a dry chuckle. "It's more than one would expect, let's leave it at that."

This seemed to be the first time the guy had noticed there was a level 34 vampire inside your cave. He gulped and tightened both hands around his staff. At the same time, he realized you'd grown six levels. "This is fucking unreal..." he grumbled. "How does anybody get six levels in just a few hours?" You started to explain the whole bizarre situation to him, but he grunted and dismissively shrugged his shoulders. "Nevermind, forget I asked. You will, of course, give me an up front payment, correct? A suitable book..." He eyed Pike's pouch hungrily.

"Yeah, yeah... Here's Summon Bonehead (Ultra). You'll be able to create an ultra-level skeleton with that." Pike passed him a black, leather-bound tome with a stereotypical skull grinning on the cover. "Just be careful, because it eats up your MP pretty fast. Or so I hear."

The big man seemed more than pleased with that start; he smirked and began reading immediately. You wondered if it would be him or the skeleton carrying you most of the way.

At any rate, it was time for you to set out for real. You bid Bathory farewell and requested she take good care of your crypt while you were gone.

"I think I'll manage, my dear... It's not a lot to look after." She smiled sympathetically. "My greater concern is these shoddy vampires of yours. I might try my hand at training and clothing them. The zombies too, of course. Please, name me as temporary Dungeon Boss."

You have temporarily relinquished control of the Crypt of the Pumpkin Lord to "The Countess" Bathory. When you are ready to reclaim your dungeon, approach the entrance and access this menu.

Bonus! You wished her the best on that particular adventure. At the same time, you mused at how much such a powerful vampire could probably do if she was given the full month of October to prepare her castle instead of being thrown in against adventurers without a single night's preparation... It would be exciting to see how the place had been spruced up once you came back.

Your party set out from the cave, looking utterly mismatched: Pike and Winnifred in their big pumpkin hats and bikinis, Evilward in her exhibitionist cloak with nothing underneath in broad daylight, and the robed, skull-clad Crowmaster carrying you over his shoulder like he was fixing to find a nice spot in the cornfield to plant you. Amusingly, he was another of those types who looked very Halloween themed without changing a thing about his appearance.

This was actually the first time you'd been outside of your cave... the sun looming over the horizon and, for that matter, the horizon itself, were the most interesting new experiences for you. Past that, this area was pretty dry when it wasn't Halloween, both in the literal and figurative sense. The cracked dirt of this wasteland was not particularly exciting; it was dotted with cactuses and rocks of various shapes and sizes. Honestly, it'd be just as weird for a pumpkin to grow in an environment like this as it would inside a cave. You were lucky you weren't bound to such logic.

"Rrrgh... Pumpkin's heavy. I'm almost over-encumbered right now on inventory," the grumpy Crowmaster complained, switching his grip on your stake. The gesture caused your head to flop around in a way that made you immediately dizzy. He was definitely not the gentle type. "I won't be able to carry this guy all the way there without some stops to rest."

"Then use your damned skeleton," Evilward snapped back. These two were going to be on eachother's cases this whole trip, for sure.

Pike pulled out a map, then reached up so that you could see it from your spot bouncing around on the big shaman's shoulder. "We'll head here first: the Abandoned Cabin that Bathory and I raced to earlier. Honestly, you should claim that place if you get another crystal. Otherwise, RPers are gonna keep going there... they liked to use it for, uh, midnight trysts and stuff. The romantic types like that it feels remote and woodsy. Blech," she finished, sticking out her tongue with a childish, grossed out look. "They'll be really close to your crypt."

"How scandalous! There is nothing 'romantic' about sex outside of wed look!" Winnifred pitched in, sounding offended and speaking poorly, though you knew she must be excited about that prospect. She'd been pretty quiet since lunch; you weren't certain as to why. Curious, you asked. "Oh, pardon. I've been busy chatting outside of Shards." Hm... Silent communication with the gods. How befitting a cleric, for once.

Finally, your march yielded a new sight on the horizon: the aforementioned cabin. Unfortunately... it looked like it was actually probably in use this very second. Smoke was rising out of the smokestack...

"It's bloody summer! Useless, rookie role-players, don't they realize it's still ninety degrees or something?! Don't light the damn fire just to set the mood!" Evilward complained, clutching her hands into fist and gritting her teeth. Her red eyes were smoldering and scary! It seemed she wasn't just a defender of role-players, she was also a very harsh disciplinarian of poor ones. With that in mind, you wondered why she wasn't more pissed off about Winnifred's behavior on average, which included both inconsistency and typos. "I'm perfectly fine if you want to teach these ones a lesson. Hell, I'll do it. I'll throw a bomb in there and torch the whole place."

... Now was the time to consider if there was a nicer way to do this that might spread the legend of a benevolent-- but legendary!-- Pumpkin Lord, while also running the inhabitants out of the cabin. To do this, the first matter was surveillance. You told Pike that she was best suited to scout it out.

"True. I'll take a peek. Everyone else, wait here and get behind some... cover..." she murmured, then glared at the giant Crowmaster, his silhouette made even larger by carrying you over one shoulder. "... On second thought, you're unlikely to find a cactus or a boulder big enough to hide that guy. Just... Just wait here."

"Be sure to let us know if they are involved in any scandal less activity," Winnifred encouraged your thief.