I talk to her about Dave

Mom is arranging the bras from the pile of laundry on the kitchen table, treating each one like a lovely present, carefully folding each one in half and then sorting them into piles (Becca, Dawn, & Mom you presume) and giving each one an thoughtful little pat.

"Mom?" you ask, worried about bringing up the subject. "Could we talk about Dave?"

"Of course, Paul. Your new Step-Dad!" She picks up an enormous burgundy-red bra. "Oh, this is his favorite bra. I was wearing it the first time we had sex! I'll never forget feeling his manly hands on my breasts, kneading them, pinching my nipples. He really knows how to treat a woman right. Oh, Paul, it had been so, desperately long since I had been with a man, and NEVER a man like Dave. He's just so fantastic. I've never been so satisfied in my life. His stamina--"

"Ew, Mom! Stop!! I don't want to talk about that! Please!"

"Sorry. Who do you want to talk about, Paul?"

"How could you get married to him so suddenly? And without talking to me first? And I wasn't even invited to the wedding! I just get a text from you saying you're married? I mean... What The Fuck??"

"Oh Paul, I'm so sorry about that. It was just so sudden. But it also felt so right. Like this was my chance for happiness. This was my chance to have it all. Dave is so amazing, and I love him so much - you have no idea how deeply I love him so - and he satisfies all of my deepest needs so thoroughly... well, when he asked me, I just immediately said yes! There was no other option, really. He is my lord and my husband and I want to be his servant and wife forever and ever and ever. And so we immediately went to city hall and got married right there. And then he took me home and he CLAIMED me. Over and over. And now I am fully in his power - you feel it right? When you talked to him? Doesn't he have such a magnetic charisma?"

"I... I haven't talked to him yet."

"So you see, there was really no wedding at all. It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing. Dawnie keeps saying I should have a big wedding, or at least a big party, and maybe I will someday. If it helps, Dawn and Becca didn't know ahead of time either."

"They didn't?"

"Now, we just came home and showed them the wedding ring and the wedding certificate."

"And they were okay with it?"

"Okay with it? They were thrilled! And so happy for us. Of course, they love Dave as well, almost as much as I do. They've both told me how deeply, deeply in love with him they are. Just like me. And just exactly like I know you will be someday."

"In love... with Dave? My Step-Father?"

"You can call him Daddy, if you want. Dawnie dies."

"Uh... NO. I'd rather not." I'd rather lick an elephant's but hole, your think to yourself.

"Okay, you don't have to call him Daddy, unless someday you want to. But I hope you'll keep an open mind and do your best to like him and accept him into your heart. Love between a Father, even a Step-Father, and daughter can be a very, *very* special relationship. A relationship of love and affection."

"But I'm his son, not his daughter," you point out, feeling a flush of embarrassment.

"Oh! Sorry! Of course the relationship between a Son and his Step-Father can *also* be very, very special, perhaps not quite as special as between a daughter and her step-dad, but almost as special. And certainly full of love and affection. So anyway, you'll go talk to him right away? I know he's eager to meet you!"

"Yes, I will."

"And you'll keep an open mind? And try to see why he's so special to me? And Dawn and Rebecca?"

You hem and haw and huff and puff for a few minutes. You were all ready to engage with knives out and guns loaded, ready to create a massive fuss. But now your Mom's entreaties have put you off-guard.

"Okay, Mom. I'll try my best to be nice."

"That's my good little guy. You go see him and then you can come to my bedroom to help me put away my bras. I know you'll like that, won't you?" she says, slyly.

"Uh sure, you know, to be helpful."