You go to the lobby

“Wait fuck, where are my pants??” You say.

“They weren’t in the theater, someone must’ve taken them. Don’t blow your load, relax.” Bethany assures you. You don’t feel better.

She takes you up to the concession counter. “Hi excuse me.” Bethany says to the girl at the counter.

She is a tall brunette in her 20’s. “Hi, how can I help you?”

Bethany says, “my boyfriend here had his pants stolen and he has a really, really tiny penis. Like it’s so tiny you’d be shocked. I’ve seen thimbles bigger than this thing. It could pass off as an oversized clitoris, that’s how ridiculously microscopic this dude’s dick is. It’s..”

“SHE GETS THE POINT, BETHANY.” You say in embarrassment.

The concession girl, smiling, chuckles. She looks down.

“Right,” Bethany says. “Do you have something he can cover up with?”

“Hmm...” the concession girl says. “Let me see it.”

“No fucking way” you say. Bethany pulls your hands off, exposing yourself.

The concession girl loses her breath laughing so hard. “Oh my GOD!! I’m gonna need a magnifying glass, that is so small!!!”

“JESS! Come over here!” She calls to her coworker. Jess walks over.

“What’s up, Savannah?” She looks over at you, and immediately falls over laughing as well.

“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR PENIS?? Did it get chopped off in an accident? All i see is balls!!” She laughs.

“No it’s there! It just never grew! HAHAHA it’s like an outie belly button!” The first worker says.

“More like an innie belly button!” Jess says in response. They begin to laugh even harder.

Bethany looks at you in pity and starts laughing again. “I am so sorry, wow. I mean...They’re right.”

“OKAY have we had enough laughter at my expense? Give my something to cover up!”

“Simmer down, Tic tac! You’re lucky this girl is even willing to put up with you. God knows if I was with someone who had a micropenis like this, I’d dump his ass and everyone would know why.” The first worker says.

She grabs a small cup. “That’s perfect “ You say.

She grabs scissors and cuts the quarter end of it off. “There we go. This is all you need to cover, clearly baby dick.” She hands the end of the cup to you with a rubber band

Bethany chuckles at you humiliation. You put the tiny piece of the cup over your penis and rubber band it around your waist. You sigh.

“What do you say, pig in a blanket?” Jess says.

“....thank you.” You say in annoyance.

“Thank you girls!” Bethany says cheerfully.

“Good luck with that little thing, girl” they say back.

You leave. As you and Bethany walk to your car, you get a series of laughs from people passing you. You wipe a tear