You Remember

You remember back to the first time you had ever seen a pair of tits. You were young and your best friend, Emmanuel, had invited you over to his place. You met him back in pre-school and both of you had been in the same classes since. You guys were playing Nintendo Wii and snacking on Doritos.

"Want to see something?" Emmanuel said. His parents were Ethiopian and had made a very good living in America. Every step you took in his house was somewhat of a journey.

"What is it?" you reply. Emmanuel leads you out of his room cautiously, checking the hallway before both of you making your way into his parents room. He closed the door and grabbed the remote, turning on the television and navigating his way through a few menus before reaching a little title screen with a naked girl on it, posing erotically.

"Holy shit" you were shocked and humoured at the same time. You darted your head to any outside noises, scared that Emmanuel's parents might be just around the corner. Emmanuel was definitely much more care free, even though you thought he had much more to lose than you did, being caught.

He pressed play on the video. You remember specifically what the video was. It was a trailer featuring interracial porn, and it cut through a whole bunch of scenes of a black man with a huge cock, toying around with a small caucasian girl.

Emmanuel had said "do this, it feels good".

You watched him rub himself through his pants. You had known this feeling from experimenting at home, but never with porn. You followed after him and boy, what a feeling.

You had often glanced over. After some time, Emmanuel got too big and uncomfortable in his pants and had let himself free, and it was a monster. You were just as hard but nowhere as big. You were embarrassed but watched on, both Emmanuel and the porno.

Step. Step. You heard someone coming up the stairs. Emmanuel did not react until you had told him.

"Someone's coming up"

"Relax, mum never comes up when she's making dinner"

You started stressing out because you could hear the faint steps getting closer, and thought quickly. You grabbed the remote and changed it a normal tv programme. By chance, it turned onto a cartoon network. The sound was fairly low and indistinguishable. Emmanuel's mum had opened the door straight after, but gave enough time to Emmanuel to pack away his monster.

"Hey boys, dinner's nearly done. I'm going to wash some clothes first" She came up with laundry

"Okay mum, thanks we'll be down soon." Both of you went back to the upstairs entertainment room.

"Close one" he says. He passed it off as nothing big. You found that Emmanuel continued to be carefree, or careless as you called it. He often told you to relax and chill out, as you were the one who was always worrying.

---

You remember back to the time where your little brother no longer thought of you as his bigger brother. Your dad had talks with you and your little brother, Jerry. Dad was an assertive and disciplined man, rich with stories and experiences. Your little brother was two years younger than you. You found that he was much more impressionable than you were. In your early years, mum had a huge role in raising you. You found that mum had not done the same with Jerry, but dad had stepped up and did what he could. It was a world of difference between you and Jerry. Mum had taught you to be loving, kind, caring and respectful of all.

You remember dad saying to you both, things like "work hard no matter what you do" or "don't let people push you around" or "you have to be great athletically or intellectually, not none of them". He always had stories of his own experiences. Jerry had always listened and followed in his dad's foot steps. But you weren't so easily motivated. You often blamed the reason on the difference in types of friends at school and opportunities. Jerry had seemed to found himself the cool group of friends, while you played online games with other less popular people. Jerry got into all sports he tried out for at school and played after school rugby, while you tried and failed miserably. Though, you always prided yourself on being a lot smarter then Jerry. You hung onto this fact. You thought him a typical meat head when he wanted to get into the gym when he was 16. You didn't get along with Jerry and often ignored each other or argued over petty shit.

While out for dinner one night, you and Jerry had went to the toilet at the same time. It was a smaller restaurant with only one toilet bowl. You had entered first and started pissing, before Jerry complained he needed to piss very badly and followed suit.

"What the fuck, I'm here" you got out before he shoved in, colliding shoulders, yours pushed against the wall. Jerry pulled his waistband down and took out his cock. Your eyes widened, your mouth hung open. It was fucking big, you remember thinking to yourself. It was at least two to three times the size in length and girth, and it quickly spat out a stream of piss thicker than yours. Your little brother had a bigger cock than you. It raced in your mind: why the fuck would he have a bigger cock than I did?

"Sword fight" he announced and started making a mess, crossing his piss stream yours. You stopped pissing, holding the rest of what you had in, pulling up your pants and left the bathroom. You could feel Jerry looking on, cockily. Something he'd be doing a lot more.

---

You remember being truly heart broken from the first time. You had met a girl, Lorren, in high school that you felt like you fell in love with. She had that effect on you. And most likely a lot of other guys. Obviously you felt like the exception.

It was her cute, innocent face. It was her very small frame. It was her interesting in online gaming. It was her naivety. You thought she was the perfect girl for you. She had been in your classes in high school. You texted her plenty, and all your other gamer mates had the same idea, though you remember comparing what you guys had talked about and how much, and you were always victorious.

Lorren made you toss and turn at night, waiting for her texts back and thinking what'd you'd say to her tomorrow to get her to fall for you. All was well, when she had ended the text off with "ok :)" after asking her to go eat after school.

And the time came. You boasted, of course, in a purposefully subtle way to show that you had won. Both of you went to a fish and chip shop after school, but as always, things never went how you wanted them to. It was after school and everyone had come, after hearing the news. All your friends. And more.

You stood next to her, at least?

David was there too. David was one of those smart and sporty guys. He had played a lot of sport with Emmanuel and had very popular and outgoing friends. You saw Lorren laughing a lot at his jokes, and it made you physically ill.

You had felt superior to your "friends" who were your competition, but with David in the running, you had gotten mad. Your self-called "date" had turned into another guy making her happy.

Social climber, you thought about Lorren. Slut. You were such a nice guy. You guess that they do finish last.

After getting closer to David, you found that she had found much more exposure and popularity to the school, and outside the school. She became more outgoing and wholesome as a person after meeting David and joining his world. You dreaded the feeling of the girl of your dreams blossoming as a result of someone else, and those results always in your face. You could never shake off how you felt.

---

You remember how porn became your escape from reality. Video games, where once your escape for reality, became a reminder of your depressing reality, where Lorren and David had always been in games together, as you always checked up on their histories. You still talked to Lorren over text. She started calling you her best friend, and talked about everything. You couldn't bring yourself to be anything but nice and cling onto a chance. Any chance that she might like you instead. You believe that if you texted and acted like you didn't give a fuck, and acted like you were cocky, it would work.

One late night, Lorren had confided in you that she was scared of staying in a relationship with David. Your hopes shot up. Your heart raced. When you brought yourself back to reality, you texted back.

Why?

She took a while to reveal why but eventually after some back and forth, she texted back:

He's so big

And as quickly as your hope shot up, they slammed back down. __

Lorren texted as though everything came as a surprise to her and had their air of naivety. And you ate it up. You texted back as though you knew what was up, and you were the right guy to talk to.

All guys say that.

She had replied with a picture. Blurred out, and needed downloading, but you had the feeling you already knew.

You loaded it up.

It was a dark photo of David, in a fairly dark room, of him taking a photo of himself side-on in the mirror. He was quite far away from the room but it was clear that his pants were down and that his soft but very big cock, were silhouetting in the photo.

You found yourself quite conflicted. You were pissed, but aroused from the situation. You could not think straight, and instead, you did what you always did. You went on the internet and made a quick release.

It was already late and you were tired. You made no attempt to continue the conversation and texted back

I'm going to sleep

It was a very blunt and spiteful response.

Over the next few months, you found yourself finding comfort in sexual content on the internet. You spent hours at a time, after school, looking at different websites and making sure you lasted through a lot of content. You started looking fetishes that you never knew.

It started off with big porn site that every guy and their dog knew. Categories like Asian, Big Tits, MILF. You found this Indian MILF video that you had obsessed over, her body and performance driving you mad. This reminded you of your Indian family next door, the mum and her big bust always smelling like thousands of dollars. Every time you saw her, you had gotten hard and lusted over her.

It wasn't long before things started to spiral. You found yourself looking categories like Big Cock, Gang Bang. Eventually just sex didn't entice you. You had to find story based porn. And the ones you scoured through the internet for were those with cheating wife stories. Wives playing with the guys huge cock under the dinner table, oblivious to the husband. Yet, even professionally made porn videos had become a burden.

Soon, you went onto reddit and Tumblr for your captions. Eventually that got too tame for you. You looked at videos that tricked you, looking to turn you into a girl. You dated the idea.

You found yourself on craigslist, looking at how possible it was to find ways to experiment. And you wished you never did.

You wish you never found out how easy it was to meet someone with the same intention as you.

---

For the most part, things got better. As time went on, your focused on getting amazing grades and being involved in school. You acquainted with everybody. You found yourself to be more mature and began to work out, gaining some size. You accepted the size of your small manhood eventually. You found yourself to be more busier. With Emmanuel not in your classes, you began to drift from him, but that was okay. Lorren had still been your "best friend", more so now as your intentions weren't to become her lover. You never had the heart to break it off when it got toxic for you. Lorren and David had broken up but seemed to be still very... close.

Unfortunately, there were negatives. Jerry had made your life a living nightmare. He never passed any opportunities at making you the "little" brother.

One evening, you had been studying in your room before Jerry decided he hadn't tormented you. Without knocking, he jumps onto your bed.

"Hey little man" Jerry starts. "What you doing"

You ignore him for the moment.

"Why haven't you had any girls over recently?" he continued.

Motherfucker. A month ago when you had brought a girl you thought you liked, Lillian, over to study, you found that Jerry had started becoming a little closer to her in the moments you were away, in the toilet or running quick errands. You're unsure how but he had sweet talked her into giving him her Facebook details.

You hadn't brought her back but since then, you and Lillian had gone to the movies and dinners together. It was going pretty well. She seemed to like you a lot, and you liked her too. She was one of the cuter ones, with an Asian background. She was short and perky, and wore glasses. She was good to study with. She wasn't innocent but she was very sweet. Her friends were a different story.

"Bring Lillian back, maybe me and her could have some fun again" Jerry said.

"You wish" you say back.

"Ha" was all that Jerry managed out.

"Can you get the fuck out of my room?" you added.

"Don't speak to your bigger brother like that" Jerry said back.

He said this all the time. "You got anything new to say?" you retort.

"I don't need anything new when I've got this" Jerry grabs his cock through his pants and shakes it.

You weren't looking but you knew what he did because he always did it.

"I'm not even sure how you're my brother. You obviously didn't get mine and dad's genes" he broke a short silence.

"So you suck dad's cock? Is that how you know how big he is" you retort.

"Shut up you little dick faggot. It's not like you don't know" Jerry says.

It was true. Dad hadn't been too worried about walking to his room semi-naked. Mum didn't not care either. It was an otherwise all male household and Dad felt free to do as he wished. Jerry had told you that he stopped doing it recently after finding out about how small you were, and didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. You hadn't taken it for the truth, but you'd be lying if you said it didn't hurt in a way.

"Man I wonder what Lillian is up to" Jerry says.

"Mate, shut the fuck up." you say.

"Oooh, so you and Lillian are a thing?" Jerry had an uncontrollable grin on his now smug face.

You didn't say anything, but Jerry kept on provoking you, talking about Lillian in a derogatory manner.

"I bet she'd like me slapping her face with my cock while she's on her knees and licking my balls"

You had started getting very angry.

"And maybe the slut will want me to cum on her glasses."