You're not sure if you've convinced him, he seems to be too fascinated by your nudity to listen

The way your friend's face goes slack and his eyes go round makes you so happy that you're recording the whole thing with the latest in high-quality pirated video software.

As his mouth struggles to rediscover speech his face starts to go red and you cackle with glee. Your friend just about keels over before he takes a puff from his inhaler and squeaks out, "S-s-s-s-suzy!"

"Yes! That's right, she hates that!" you crow. "That's the first thing we'll do. How do you change a person's name anyway?"

"How... Why? I mean...." his eyes fasten on you chest, making you wonder if he might be gay until you shift forward and feel the strange frontal weights shift with you.

"I'm Sue! I mean, I'm Rob! But I'm Sue! Get it?"

Jacob's head shakes from side to side, but his eyes never leave your chest. He practically goes cross-eyed trying to keep his eyes on the prize.

"Idiot. It's simple," you tell him. "I woke up as Sue."

"Uh-huh..." he says, his lips parted and the corners of his mouth becoming suspiciously wet.

Suspecting drool about to fall at any moment you launch into a more detailed explanation. "Last night I was Rob!"

"Uh-huh..." he says, the glisten-y look at the corner of his lips becoming more pronounced.

Frustrated, you click 'video off', eliciting an outraged squawk from your best bud.

"Quit staring and get your brain in gear!" you tell him. "I'm Rob, I'm just in Sue's body."

"Uh-huh..."

"Look, come on over and we'll plan all the things we can do with Sue's body. I want to screw her over for getting all the attention, all the good presents, all the friends.

"I mean, when she was sixteen they said if she gave up her birthday presents and christmas presents then my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles would all buy a dug-in pool for the backyard. What did they get me?

"A laptop, a remote control helicopter, a spy camera I attached to the helicopter, and a pair of binoculars. I mean, it was totally unfair, the helicopter hit Rhonda Williams's window and her dad smashed it. I only got like eight weeks footage of girls changing, fucking, masturbating.

"Did they make her give back the pool after eight weeks? Nooo! You listening?"

Suspecting Jacob might now be drooling or maybe even masturbating you hit 'video on', only to see an empty chair.

"What the fuck? Where are you? You faint, dude?" you call, standing up like you could see over the edge of his desk to the floor in his room.

The sound of your door-bell startles you, making your funbags jump on your chest.

"Fucking things jump all on their own!" you swear, defending your face from their attack.