Yes, You Get To Be A Gud Gurl

"Guys. Guys. I gotta actually do some business here. You guys wanna take a drive around the block?" Jake asked, taking ahold of your suggest.

"I could pick up Sandy?" one of them asked.

"I'd rather we didn't bring more people." You strained to smile. Of course, your plan of self-destruction probably eventually entailed people finding out. But, the idea of it right now was just too much. Even the presence of Jake's two friends had you on edge.

"Just come back in 15, I guess." Jake said, rubbing his shaggy blond hair.

One of the two made an off color remark about you, that left you unable to respond. But, they paused their game and climbed up the creaky, poorly-maintained wooden steps for the exit.

The moment they left, all the tension exploded. Your near clutched at Jake's shirt.

"So you managed to get possession of more, right?" You said eagerly. "I mean, you didn't say exactly. You just suggested that..."

"Damn bitch. I got more of it. I told you, I can get anything." He laughed and leaned back into the couch cushions.

You gave him an eager nod and went reaching into your jean pockets for the roll of cash in your pocket. Some of the last that you'd saved from your job from last summer. At this rate, you were going to run out of money very soon. But, that was alright. Then the real dependence would set in. Still, the thought of what would happen at that moment was enough to give you shivers. Every dollar spent made this less of game.

Jake eyed the money wearily. He picked up the roll and spun it in his hand.

"That stuff might have quite a kick, if it has you down this bad already." He laughed.

"Down bad?" You asked.

"Jonesing. Like, you need the shit."

"Oh." You giggled and brushed your hair back over your ear. "What can I say? It's a thrill."

"You know I told you last time that you should just walk away from this shit." Jake tossed the money lightly in his hand. He looked back and forth between it and you. "I'm happy to get paid, you know. I can definitely use the money. But, I don't normally sell a lot of wreck your life shit. And this ain't meth or anything. But, with all you got going on, it really could."

"I don't need your concern for me. I just want-"

"Let me finish." He held up a hand, cutting you off. "I'm serious. We've never got a long, you and me. We didn't exactly run in the same circle. Truth is, there's no one in the class who didn't admire you, even if just a little bit. Even me a bit, truth be told. There's a lot of folks who want you to make it."

"Surely, you don't give a moralizing sermon to every customer." You smile wryly.

"Yeah, and most of my fucking customers don't have a full ride to Harvard. It's like going into a china store and fucking up something priceless." He spat to the side. "Fucking christ. I try to do something nice for once and-"

"Jake. I appreciate it. Really." Smiling, you rise to your feet, walk right next to the low table in the middle of the room. Then, you sink down to your knees. "But, strange as it may seem to hear from me. You're overthinking this matter. I said I this was my choice. Your conscious is clear. Do whatever you feel is best for you."

As you spoke, you folded your arms behind your back and stuck out your tongue. The same submissive pose from under the bleachers, but now in the privacy of Jake's musty basement. With a defeated sigh. He went to his pocket and pulled out another pink, heart engraved a pill. The beat of your heart jumps into overdrive. A pavlovian response.

"Fine. You say you want this. Well I ain't gonna try and fucking stop you ever again. This is your mistake. I'm just here to profit from it." He hung the pill over your head.

"Ahhhhhhhh." you vocalized, sticking your tongue out as far as you could. Then, he dropped the pill on it and your world became a happy cloud.

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