Yee-Haw!

Texas shook off that nagging fear in the back of her head. There was only gonna be one way to prove herself to the people of Gold Springs and if her mother had done it once then by God she was gonna do it too! Her honor as a Stanton was on the line.

“Alright, yer on you–” Texas turned around to see that her impersonator had gotten up from the desk and was now standing chest to-head with her, “Whoah nelly! Er, I mean” she cleared her throat, “I mean yer on, you faker!”

“I’ll show you who th’ REAL fake weasel around here is, lil’ missy.” the Faker said with a sneer.

“Great, so then it’s agreed we’re having us a showdown!” Mayor VIvian said, jumping between the two of them, “I’ll go tell everyone!”

Texas had more than a few questions about what the actual contest was, but Vivian darted off before she could ask any of them. She had to go get “Everyone” after all! Turns out “Everyone” meant not only a sizeable crowd of the law-abiding citizens of Gold Springs but also a handful of Texas’s least favorite outlaws. Smiling Jacks, Jessie and Jane, and Roxxie Roo were all seen in the crowd. It didn’t intimidate her none, if they were going to have a competition like this out in the open it just made it all the harder for them to cheat.

“Citizens of Gold Springs,” Mayor Vivian called out to the town square with a bullhorn, “We’re all gathered here for something we’d hoped we’d never see again: A showdown between two sheriffs! That’s right, just like the venerable Sheriff Carolina back in the day, one of these two weasels is nothing but a charlatan! To find out which one, we’re gonna be recreating the same feats of gall, grit and gumption that Carolina herself did on that fateful day all those years ago. Without further ado, will our would-be weasels please step forward?”

Texas and the Fake approached from opposite sides of the square. Judging from the crowd’s murmured reactions nobody could quite tell which one was Texas either (something that only further confounded Texas herself), but they were all worried for the sake of their humble little town. Texas knew that, and she couldn’t let them down! As she stepped up to the dirt field that had been prepared for the showdown, Texas cleared her throat and spoke up,

“Alright y’all, now first and foremost I gotta know what in tarnation we’re gonna be–”

“CATCH!”

Texas yelped in shock! Her head darted in the direction of the call and she had just a second’s time to catch the large object thrown at her. It looked like… a large wooden disc? It was about six feet across and about as heavy as it looked, and so cumbersome that Texas had to hold it above her head to keep from falling over. If she didn’t know any better she’d say it was a tabletop from the crushed weasel. In fact it had gum on the underside! A similar disc was tossed at the Faker, who caught it and hoisted it over her head.

“The first test!” Vivian continued, “Was a test of strength! They say Carolina Stanton held twenty stones up above her head for six hours before her foe relented. Let’s start with three and see how our girls feel.”

Six stones were lobbed into the air and landed on the tables in groups of three. Immediately Texas quaked under the weight, but she held strong. The tabletop itself must’ve weight another fifty pounds, and Texas was already feeling the strain by the time two more stones were tossed on. And then shortly after another five. Texas was clearly having a harder time than her opponent, who cockily held her stones high above her head. Five more stones, then five more. The weight was crushing, but Texas HAD to hold on. If her Mama could do it…

“Alright ladies, looks like we’re out of rocks,” Vivian called out, “Let’s see if perhaps we can find some more weight lying around somewhere? Jesse? Jane?”

Texas’s eyes shot backwards to where Vivian and her assistants were standing. Jesse and Jane had been the ones tossing the rocks onto their plates via a little see saw they’d set up. And now instead of rocks they used a pair of anvils to–

“Geronimo!”

“Upsie-daisy!”

Both of the girthy girls launched themselves upwards, landing on…the SAME table? Texas felt her knees buckle and the wind knocked out of her as both sisters ended up on HER tabletop. Seems it wasn’t even their plan because Texas heard them bickering above her as she struggled to stay standing.

“You dipstick, you were supposed to land on the OTHER Texas’s pile.”

“How am I supposed to tell em apart, bossy? They’re identical!”

“Ah said LEFT!”

“Your left or my left?”

“We were facin’ the same way you pork snagglin’!”

As the two bickered, Texas wobbled. She was wondering HOW in any stretch of the imagination this was supposed to be fair for her, but before she could complain about it someone else was more than happy to even the odds.

“Don’tchu worry ladies, I got some extra beef for this competition!”

It was Roxie Roo, who had rigged her own horse Butterscotch up onto a similar catapult. All it took was a stop of her powerful pads to launch Butterscotch airborne where she landed right on the Faker’s table, who buckled for a second under the weight before jerking right back up like an olympic weightlifter!

“HAW! That’s true Stanton strength right there!” the Faker laughed, “I’mma make you proud Mama!”

Mama? Texas felt that rage welling up inside of her again. She was NOT letting this FAKER steal her family name from her! With a roar that started the hams above her into silence, Texas snapped back into full height, holding the entirety of her payload high above her head. It shocked everyone, most of all Texas herself, but she managed to play it off with a zinger of her own,

“No, THAT’S Stanton Strength! Must be yer first time seein it!”

The crowd ooo’d and aaa’d, many of them being won over by the bravado of the Actual Texas, though some were still unconvinced. Not wanting to call the competition too early, Mayor Vivian was happy to remind the two competitors,

“As the story goes, Carolina kept that Stanton strength up for twenty hours! So of course the real sheriff will be able to do the same, so all we have to do is wait for the FAKER to give it up.”

Texas grit her teeth. It was a mighty tall order, but the hardest part was behind her now! She’d found her strength, now she just had to keep it up. She could already feel the burn, but her Mama didn’t raise no quitter! If this was all she had to do to keep her position, then consarnit she was gonna DO it! But, of course, that wasn’t ALL she had to do. It was a hot day at high noon and the heat was weighing heavy on the two weasels. And it was weighing on ONE of them particularly hard. Texas made the mistake of taking a particularly hard inhale through her nose and–

“Ghgghg?!” Texas choked, her face turning lime green, she couldn’t speak but her mind was screaming, “What in the wild west was that REEK?”

Texas glanced towards her opponent and immediately regretted it. She remembered how the Fake Texas had torn the sleeves off her jacket, and now her freed, furry pits were open to air out right into Texas’s face! They were every bit as bushy as the Fake’s eyebrows, and dripping with greasy sweat. The oniony odor of pure pit washed over Texas like a salty breeze and started sapping the strength from her muscles. This was on purpose, it HAD to be! That disgusting cheater!

“Goodness, it’s quite a hot one today, wouldn’t you agree ladies?” Mayor Vivian called out to the contestants, “Don’t worry, we’re not animals! Not gonna make you sweat yourselves into heat stroke. Oooooh snack lady!”

A small burro bearing an entire concession stands worth of snacks as well as Smiling Jacks trotted onto the stage. Seemed the enterprising outlaw was making a bit of cash on the side selling roasted peanuts and cups of water to the audience.

“Two cold ones comin up!” Jacks said as she raised two cups of water with straws up to the girls. For a second Texas was actually thankful for Jacks, until– “Whoops!”

She jerked her hand and splashed water onto Texas’s chest. It wasn’t enough to throw her off, but still!

“Watch it ya–,” Texas caught herself. She wasn’t going to give her the pleasure, “Hmph, whatever. Still refreshin’, ya brat.”

Jacks scoffed, then turned her attention to the fake, fluttering her eyelashes, “Anythin else I can get ya?”

“Welllll,” the Fake said, “Now that ya mention it…”

Was this really happening? They were cheating, Texas knew it! Maybe Jesse and Jane were just dumb, but Jacks had totally spilled that water on purpose. They all KNEW she was the real Texas and they were cheating right in front of everyone! She had to put her foot down and–

“W-woah,” Texas steadied herself. She was barely holding on by a thread, trying to waste energy shouting at Jacks might just cost her the game. Maybe she should wait a second and see what that Faker was going to ask for. After all, if it’s blatant cheating she can just call it out the second she sees it, but that might be too late. Texas was running out of time AND strength.