Wren's New Job

If you would like the TL;DR version of this long introductory chapter, check the comments.

Wren had always had a problem with stuttering, trailing off, and not finishing sentences. They were an anxious, easily embarrassed person. They always had been, and entering young adulthood had done nothing to temper their social difficulties. They were very used to the feeling of their ears burning. However, in that particular moment, Wren took some comfort in the fact that for once they had good reason to be speechless.

"Y-you... you want to, um... you want me to have ssssuh... y-you want to record me... um..."

Wren stared silently at the dour-looking alien sitting across from them, their stubble-covered jaw hanging slightly agape, as it had for the last few minutes. Their face nearly glowed as they tried and failed to recount the job offer which they had been trying and failing to wrap their head around.

"...are you alright, Mx. Jameson? Do I need to explain the position again?"

Wren closed their eyes, took a deep breath, and shook their head. They were a little embarrassed about their reaction to the job description, but any concern about coming across as unprepared or unqualified had been totally cleared from their head to make room for the intense bafflement regarding what was being asked of them. Yes, they thought, perhaps a refresher was in order.

"Y-yeah, um, I mean yes, Ms. Kythrik... um, Ms. Kythrixtil..."

The professionally-dressed reptilian woman waved Wren off with her upper-right hand and smiled with a subdued mirth.

"Kythrixtylochtawchroskythiax. Please, just call me Kyt. Now, perhaps it would be better if I started by explaining why the Foreign Exoplanet Mutualism Dominion approved the creation of this position."

Kyt reached into the drawer of her sleek, well-organized desk and pulled out a diagram.

"You're familiar with neuroface chips, yes?"

"Uh, yeah, most people on my planet just call them brain chips. Lots of people have gotten them since we, er, since Earth joined the Dominion, myself included. It's really handy being able to just get knowledge directly into your brain without having to, you know, read or... whatever. Some people are weird about the chip though. Paranoid. Think it can scan people's brains and upload their thoughts."

"It can."

"Yeah, that's what- wait, what?"

Kyt slid the diagram over to Wren.

"Most neuroface chips are one-way, only capable of transmitting data into the user's brain. The only data they send out is device data for networking purposes. However, there are models which can collect data from the user's brain and upload it. Such devices, installed with the informed consent of the user, are capable of creating comprehensive records of the user's experience during a period of time, known as engrams. These records include physical sensations and emotional experiences."

Kyt reached out to retrieve the complex technical digram. Wren handed it to her, glad to be free of the burden of pretending to understand any part of it. She swapped it out for a much more digestible pamphlet entitled "The C.R. Council Needs U!"

"I work for the Cultural Recognition Council. We are tasked with advancing the understanding of the sentient species that make up the F.E.M. Dominion."

"You help the people of the Dominion understand... themselves?"

"Not themselves. Each other. The 183 sentient species in the Dominion have plenty in common, but there is a lot that separates us. Every species has at least one sense, concept, emotion, or other aspect of conscious existence that another finds completely alien. These differences make the Dominion strong and vibrant, but they also create friction. We're all the product of evolution, Mx. Jameson. We all fear what we do not understand."

"That's, um... deep." Wren hoped that their face did not betray how badly they were cringing internally at their own response.

Kyt shrugged. "It's a problem, that's all. It needs a solution. Engrams are our most promising lead. Recent advancements in neuroface technology allow more advanced devices to recreate the contents of an engram for the user. Essentially, the user can live through a moment in someone else's life, see what they saw, hear what they heard, feel what they felt. This allows the user to more easily develop an understanding of feelings and concepts alien to the user's species. Preliminary tests have shown a 7,000% increase in efficacy compared to conventional learning methods. In short, by directly experiencing the lived experiences of other species, it is possible for a person to develop an empathetic response that would otherwise take years of study and practice."

"Huh... that's cool! There's definitely a lot of people in the Dominion that I don't get. Like, uh, those green cricket-looking folks who can only think when they're near each other."

Kyt nodded. "Bharlons. Yes, the experiential gap between hivemind and non-hivemind species has always been a difficult one to bridge, and experience replication technology has been a great boon to rectifying this problem. However, there has been one type of experience that has been particularly troublesome to replicate. A very important experience which is a central pillar of many species' cultures, totally alien to other species, and the driver of quite a lot of conflict and misunderstanding."

"You mean... sex." Wren blushed and averted their eyes, finding it impossible to look directly at the important businesswoman as they said it.

Kyt didn't bat her eye. "Indeed. The Cultural Recognition Council badly needs useable engrams of sexual experiences in order to further the mission of the F.E.M. Dominion. We believe that you, Wren, are the perfect person from whom to collect those experiences."

"R-right, that is, um... flattering, I guess? But I d-don't think that's going to work. See, I have this, uh...". Wren gulped and stuttered, trying to work up the nerve to divulge one of their biggest shames, bracing themselves for a disappointed dismissal. "I have this... issue. Sex-wise. It's... like, uh... there's a name for it, it's a dumb backronym that I can never remember... "

"The Sexual Pleasure Ultra-Receptiveness Trait."

"Yeah! Wait, you... h-how do you..."

Kyt pulled out a folder from her desk and opened it up. "Your medical records. You may recall that sharing of your medical information when needed to further the Dominion's understanding of medical science was a stipulation of enrolling in the free medical care program."

Wren squirmed in their seat. "Right, so... yeah. I can't really have s-sex. It's just too... intense. Anytime anyone t-touches me, um, down there, it... happens. Instantly. You know what I mean. Even a kiss on the neck is enough t-to," Wren trailed off and tilted their head back, refusing to increase their embarrassment even further by tearing up. "Anyway, the d-doctors say there's nothing they can do, so, uh, yeah. I think that disqualifies me for the job."

Kyt leaned forward, seriousness etched into her purple-pink face, and looked Wren in the eyes. "No, Mx. Jameson. That's exactly why we need you for it."

She leaned back in her seat and looked upward, gathering her thoughts as she formed an explanation. "For reasons we have not yet been able to pin down, sexual experiences are more or less impossible to create usable engrams from." Frustration creeped its way into her voice. "The physical experience of sexual pleasure and the emotional experience of sexual arousal both interfere with the reading for reasons we don't quite understand, acting as a sort of signal noise that scrambles the other parts of the engram. The whole thing comes out garbled. However, those experiences are not quite potent and distinct enough for us to be able to identify and isolate them within the engram, which is necessary for us to filter the noise out of the corrupted parts of the engram and make it useable. They're too primal, too low-level, so trying to pick them out is like trying to pick out the **** urge to blink. It's an intractable problem."

She turned back toward Wren. "That's where you come in. For you, those experiences are so incredibly intense that they should be identifiable within the reading, at least some of the time. If they are, we can isolate them and filter for them, creating a useable engram. You, Wren Jameson, are the key to advancing the Dominion's understanding of this crucial aspect of existence and securing a peaceful future for sentient life."

She paused for a moment to let the gravity of her situation sink in before continuing. "That brings us back to the job offer. If you accept it, your current neuroface will be replaced with one capable of scanning your brain and uploading the readings to the Cultural Recognition Council's research database. As a cultural recognition officer, your main responsibility will be accumulating as many unique sexual experiences as possible, with members of as many different sentient species as possible. This will give us the most useful data."

Wren rocked back and forth a bit in their chair as they digested all the information. "I'm... still not sure I'm the right person for this position. See, I don't really have much experience with s-sex... I pretty much wrote it off after my first few mortifying attempts. So I'm not exactly a seductrex. And even if I did know how to get people into bed," Wren said, a tired bitterness creeping into their voice, "I'm not sure how much useful data you could get out of a hundred recordings of me being touched once and cum- um! I mean... ejaculating instantly." Wren concluded, blushing once more, having forgotten for a moment that they were in a job interview.

Kyt smiled serenely. "I have good news on both fronts. Regarding your second concern, the specialized neuroface we have prepared has enhanced neural-control features. You may have heard of medicinal neuroface modules that neutralize panic attacks, quell rage spirals, and so on. Your new neuroface will have the ability to halt the induction of orgasm."

Wren's eyes gleamed. "You... can cure it? The SPURT?"

Kyt grimaced. "No, not exactly. Even if we could, as I explained earlier, we need it to remain in effect for the readings to be useable. No, I'm afraid this modification will not cure your condition, and in a way will make it worse. Your exaggerated sexual pleasure mechanism will be allowed to reach whatever baseline it is normally prevented from reaching due to the orgasm response. In short, you'll be able to have sex continuously despite it feeling more intense than an orgasm normally does for your species. Instead, orgasm will be allowed only when your sexual partner indicates they are finished with the sexual encounter.

I also have a solution for the issue of acquiring partners. As a cultural recognition officer, you will be empowered to ask any sentient resident of the F.E.M. Dominion to engage in a sexual activity demonstration for you. That resident, as long as it is physically safe for them to do so, will then engage in the requested activity while explaining some aspect of their species' concept of sex. For the duration of that activity, you and your partner (or partners) will be exempt from all local laws that might prevent the activity from taking place, including curfew, trespassing, uniform requirements, and so on."

Wren boggled at all this. "Okay, so that's... um, but... what if they don't want to? I don't want to, um... you know, 'r-word' anyone."

Kyt looks at Wren with a look of confusion before coming to a sudden realization. "Ah, right. I had forgotten that humans are such a... recent addition to the Dominion. Your attitudes regarding sex are a bit... well, my opinion is irrelevant. The point is, for the most part, you'll find that other sentient species do not place sex on a pedestal. They merely see it as an activity, like sharing a meal. Those who do ascribe it some special importance will put aside their reservations in the interest of galactic harmony, I assure you. Now, what do you say? Will you take the job?"

(...)

Wren opened their eyes, resisting the urge to touch the back of their head. They knew the place where the neuroface installation microneedle pierced their scalp would be sore for a few hours, and poking at it would do nothing to help. They took a deep breath and relaxed in the surgical chair, then looked up at Kyt, who was still standing next to them.

"Uh, how long was I out?"

"A few minutes. The process of swapping devices is a lot faster than installing one fresh." Kyt put on an encouraging smile, though it was a bit of an affectation given her somewhat cold demeanor. "That should be everything you need. Are you ready to get out there and start making the universe a more understanding place?"

Wren rubbed the back of their head nervously, only to immediately wince in pain and snap their hand back. "Um, gosh... I'm really not experienced in asking for sex or, uh, talking about it. Ever. I'm not sure how c-confident I can be."

"Hmm." Kyt looked away as she considered something for a few moments, then turned back toward Wren. "I believe that practice is the cure for performance anxiety. Would you like to practice with me?"

"Uh... sure! That would be good, I mean, you're my boss now, right? It's not, uh, real. So, I guess I'd say... uh...." Wren took a deep breath, straightened their back, and looked Kyt in the eye. They tried to imagine she was a stranger. "Hey, K- erm... hey, Miss. I'm a cultural recognition officer. Let's... uh, can we have sex?"

Kyt's smile became a little more genuine.