Working the Jobby Job

"Well it was worth a shot." I say, pulling off the sticky note and dejectedly shoving the folder back in the cabinet. I slumped down on the desk, curiosity killed. Honestly, I just wanted to know what it said about me, but maybe the headmaster knew more intrigue would lead to experimentation... Whatever. I grabbed the next file from the stack.

Request from Headmaster Faetrith Aberdeen,

Casper Dunquist has been experimenting with the Dark Arts. Turns out he's got a knack for it. Curiosity is not a killer, but too much ambition paired with intellect can create quite a problem once he is skilled. Nerf his intellect or make him clumsy enough to fuck it up, scaring him straight.

I was appalled by her use of language. I'd never heard anything but professionalism from Aberdeen, but I could see how most of these notes were in some way a window into the mind of the headmaster. I wasn't sure what she meant by nerfing his intellect, but sure enough as I pulled his folder he had a very high score for intelligence. Can I just write something else there? Sure enough as my hand scrawled the change the letters shifted and replaced the printed values. I stared at the paper... wondering how much control had been placed in my hands. Had I just made Casper permanently dumber? I'd met Casper once, he was nice enough, for an Omentia. I felt bad and reverted his intelligence. Then I added "Clumsy" as a trait. I don't know which is worse. Maybe he "fucks up" a potion and gets permanently scarred? Is that better than being permanently dumb? Would his newfound clumsiness make him a target for bullies? Maybe I should give him something good to balance it out. Are these considerations I should be making? What if I get it wrong and Aberdeen turns me into a blabbering idiot?

I don't know. I didn't feel any better as I closed his file and completed the request. I stared at the pile thinking of all the changes I would have to make... maybe I didn't have time for all these concerns? Why did Faetrith pick me for this job? I barely know her... but apparently she knows me... and just about everyone else in this school... is that enough?

So I filled out several more requests.

Gertie Wunderquist had been stalking one of the Eaglensia males something fierce. She had an obsessive collection of his clippings and hair. However, the Wundderquists were big investors in the school and wanted their daughter to have a boyfriend so I moved her home room to share with the poor sap and raised his affection towards loners. Maybe it was enough, maybe it wasn't. Kind of felt like playing God. I'm not sure if I wanted it to work out for the two or not, but maybe she needed some experience or her heart broken.

Jeffren Spankles, head of the Quemblish team was "too arrogant and showy, discouraging the team for Eaglensia." So, I made his sexual preference "Bi-Curious" so he would be just a bit more distracted and just a bit more open to being nice in the hopes of getting some action.

On it went. Some requests were super specific and some were left to my imagination as if Aberdeen knew that I could figure it out: give someone a kink, remove another, add an inch of height, give someone a mole that makes them self-conscious, and all sorts of weird solutions. Strangely, this kind of lateral thinking was right up my wheel house. Out in the real world among the Tiplicks, I had loved adventure games, the kind where you had to smush a banana through keyhole to pick a lock. Don't ask why that worked. Aberdeen must have known, that I had this way of looking at problems and coming up with strange solutions that just seemed to work. As they day went on and I got to the more recent requests (the ones that came in after I started), they became more and more vague in their prescriptions.

Request from Headmaster Faetrith Aberdeen,

Gracelyn Hedges needs to be house Head for Crowendon. Parents pulled strings. Not worth the fight. Make it look natural.

"Wow!" I mouth. For all the power Aberdeen had, even she doesn't always get the say. So, who is head of Crowendon? I should know their name, but I don't. I reach into the cabinet and pull out the file of Gelbry Angleldon, a competent leader and popular figure in school. I'm not quite sure how one would replace him, but the path was certainly clear. Gracelyn was third in line as Treasurer and the second was Hanny Vineyards, a pretty little know-it-all with a kink for domination. Give them both a tag of "exhibitionism" and him a kink for "subbing" and just wait for a scandal to happen. They both had enough virtue to step down if they got caught in public, but maybe not enough to stop once they got going. Their next board meeting would be Monday. They would surely have a back and forth and realize they might be compatible then, but I couldn't leave it to chance. I also added "Turned On By Verbal Sparring to Both" and wrote "follow up on Tuesday" to the request and set it in the bin.

I reached over and only one more request was in the pile.

Request from Headmaster Faetrith Aberdeen,

Come to my office.

Inside was a port key, shaped like Faetrith's famous butterfly symbol, that I grasped, teleporting me out of my chair in an instant, plopping down on a set of silk covers that immediately grasped around my limbs and pulled me tight against the bed. I could have fought, but I didn't, something about the space calmed me, the high walls, the strange flowing paintings on ornate frames. I couldn't quite make out the images in the dark of the room, but they shifted in an entrancing manner and the curtains that hugged the windows somehow made the space seem cozy like a womb wrapping your soul in its warm embrace.

I heard high heels clacking towards me down the hallway as a seductive figure waltzed my way. I craned my neck to see, the backlit curves entering the dark room I was trapped in. I could make out a heavenly shape that I didn't want to turn away from. Hips and waist and bust that seemed unnaturally perfect. I could tell by the sheen of her skin at the edges that she was naked, but for a glimmering tiara upon her head, that told me exactly who it was, Headmaster Aberdeen.