Whole Lotte Love

You are RILEY, a 20-year-old female soccer player with a penis, who recently got involved with a reality TV series called FUTA that centers on an unconventional soccer league. It has been one crazy summer, but that’s all over now.

You’re at a huge party in a big ballroom downtown. You grew up in a small town, so you still aren’t completely at home in the city. FUTA banners are everywhere, and waitresses walk around with champagne as everyone in the league celebrates the successful end of FUTA’s pilot season.

Relieved, you step down off the stage after Annette’s remarks. Annette is the woman who runs all this. You and the other team captains had to stand behind her while she talked, and you didn’t love everyone in the room, along with a ton of reporters, staring at you in your dress. You don’t wear nice dresses often, and this one, unfortunately, gives you a little bulge down there. You weren’t the only one like that, but in your mind, you still assume that everyone was staring at you.

At any rate, you don’t want to be on the stage with Annette. You want to be on the floor with your girlfriend.

You see Lotte over by the bar, getting another drink, and head toward her. She’s your height, slender and soft, with amazingly long, pale blonde hair. Everything about her is astonishingly pretty except for her very large eyes, which give her an especially intense stare. You’ve grown to like that about her and find it cute, but a lot of people think it’s weird.

If someone had asked you three months ago who you would end up with after all this, you wouldn’t have guessed Lotte. You would have said that Lotte was out of your league due to being a gorgeous, exotic blonde. She’s exotic to you because she’s Dutch, and you know exactly nothing about the Netherlands except that it gives her a sexy accent, and maybe they smoke weed there or something?

Then if somebody had asked you after you got to know her, you would have told them that Lotte was the last person you would ever want to be with because she was pure evil. And crazy. Crazy and evil, mainly to you. The things that happened between you when she was actively bullying you in those first few weeks… and then the things that you did when you started to fight back… it’s a lot. Those were ugly times. You don’t like to think about it.

But you and Lotte have a few things in common, as you finally learned, and among those things was your loneliness. You had spent your whole life hiding your anatomy and your ardent love of cute girls, and Lotte has spent hers bullying people ruthlessly to try and keep them from noticing how insecure she is. You both felt trapped, in certain ways.

You still do not truly get each other. Lotte no longer does those bad things, but she’s still weird and unpredictable. She doesn’t seem to quite understand you, but you feel safe with each other now. Safe from the pressures of FUTA, safe from everything.

It’s been weird, but she’s your first girlfriend, and you have enjoyed the ride.

You join her and take a sip of her drink. You’re not old enough to drink yet.

“You look pretty,” you tell her. She’s wearing a deep, blue dress. It hugs her curves and has a revealing back that’s very sexy. Lotte is very good at walking in heels.

She smiles at you. Back when she was evil, Lotte was a talker. Now that she’s given that up, she’s become amazingly quiet. You can read certain things about her, but the rest is a mystery. Right now you sense that she’s uncomfortable, or even worried. But that doesn’t make sense; you just finished the season, you were offered contracts for next season, and both you and Lotte already agreed to do at least one more together. You even negotiated to be on the same team, unofficially.

Now you get a break. Time to breathe and maybe spend some of the money that you have earned. You’re heading back to Gurlberg, and Lotte is going back to the Netherlands tomorrow for a while. It’s normal for players to go home to their families during this lull between the seasons.

You know that Lotte likes you very much. She’s become taciturn about showing it, but you are sure. But you don’t think she’s sad because you’re going to have a couple of weeks apart. You don’t buy that. Lotte’s cold, evil side is still alive in there. She’s has a tender side and vulnerabilities, but she is not sentimental. You’re going to miss her more than she’ll miss you. The hardest part for you will be not getting laid for a while… although just like everything else since Lotte cleaned up her act, the sex has been weird.

When Lotte was bullying you, when things got physical it was brutal, which you didn’t hate. She doesn’t show any of that sexual savagery anymore, though. Your theory is that now that she cares about your opinion, she doesn’t want you to see that side of her. You worry that she’s not enjoying herself.

Relationships are hard.

“Beth is drunk,” Lotte remarks, watching the others. She’s always watching people.

She’s right. Duni is drunk too and can see Adella sidling up to Ingrid. Everyone is in a good mood, so some of the horniness that usually came out at the end of the workweek during the season is coming out now.

You? You’re just tired.

It’s not that you don’t like the camp, because you’ve grown fond of it—but you’re ready for a break, so it was exciting to finally pack your bags to go somewhere other than the Lodge or the loser camp.

But you still have one more night before you leave town, so you got a hotel room near the party venue. You were hoping for a little romance when you booked the room, but now that you and Lotte have survived the party, you’re just worn out.

Lotte’s already in bed while you’re still getting ready, putting on face cream and brushing your teeth. She sits there, tucked in and looking at her phone, still radiating tension.

You slide in beside her with your own phone. It’s a nice feeling to be alone with her in this safe, clean hotel room after all the madness. It’s quiet and peaceful. You let out a long sigh.

“What is it?” she asks finally, noticing you looking at her.

“Nothing,” you say. She looks very pretty in the lamplight.

A couple more minutes pass, and she irritably puts down her phone and reaches over to turn off the lamp.

“Do you not want to go home?” you ask her, and she freezes. Then she turns off the lamp, but your lamp is still on, so you can see her face. She doesn’t have to answer for you to know that you’re right. “You don’t want to see your family?”

“My family is difficult,” she says brusquely, lying down on her side, facing away from you. She always sleeps like this. You have finally learned that it’s because she likes it when you spoon her, but you aren’t thinking about that right now.

“Difficult,” you repeat, gazing at her back. “Can you just not go?”

She sighs. “I should go.”

She is miserable. You aren’t even touching her, but you can tell how tense her body is.

“Do you not get along with them?” you press.

“I will be fine.”

She doesn’t sound fine. Lotte is always complicated, but you’ve never seen her like this. And you have seen her in some **** situations.

You wish you could help her somehow. It’s a terrible feeling to see her so unhappy.

“Would it help if I came with you?” you say hesitantly.

She looks back at you sharply, and you flinch.

You didn’t invite her to your home because she’d already mentioned that she needed to visit her family, and that made sense because she hasn’t seen hers since like May. And you didn’t suggest going with her because you figured that if she wanted you along, she’d have invited you. Or maybe it’s too soon in the relationship for that.

Is she offended that you asked that? She’s looking at you so intently with that big stare.

“Would you?” she asks, and you realize this look on her face isn’t anger, it’s vulnerability.

“Sure,” you reply surprised. You would love to see the Netherlands and spend more time with your girlfriend.

It obviously pains her, but she nods. “Please,” she says. It must hurt her pride to ask for help.

“OK,” you say with a shrug. “I’d love to.”

It startles you how quickly she rolls over and climbs on top of you for a kiss. It makes you laugh, but you kiss her back. You don’t mind the sudden affection, and it’s impossible not to react to her perfect body pressing against yours.

But as soon as you even think about sliding your hands down her back, she finishes the kiss and breaks it off, snuggling down beside you with a look of relief on her face. Oh. So she wasn’t looking to get steamy, she just wants to be held. Hoping she doesn’t notice your situation downstairs, you adjust your position to cuddle with her and turn off the lamp.

You don’t quite get it, but it looks like you need to tell your mom that she isn’t picking you up after all. You need a plane ticket. You’re taking a trip.