White: King's pawn e2 to e4

The white King’s pawn trembled in her flimsy shift dress as she surveyed the enemy troops. She brushed her wispy blonde hair out of her eyes as it blew about her in the cold wind. The poorly-wrought short sword felt heavy at her side.

On the far side of the battlefield, the powerful black male army taunted the pale women who opposed them. To the anxious King’s pawn, they seemed powerful indeed. Their muscles rippled, their voices thundered and their cocks were exposed, naked and hard.

The King’s pawn knew that she was amongst the most on the board. She prayed that the white controller would lead with one of the brave knights, who could leap over the line of fearful pawns and face down the enemy with a confidence that she lacked. But if it was to be a pawn, then she knew it would most likely be her. Her movement forward would allow both the Queen and the King’s Bishop access to the field.

She held her breath. The white controller’s voice sounded.

“King's pawn e2 to e4.”

She closed her eyes in resignation, then chin up, she set out towards the enemy. The enemy roar grew deafening and the air filled with obscenities. And this time she knew that the catcalls were all aimed at her. As 16 cocks were thrust threateningly in her direction, including the artificial one of the Queen, the white King’s pawn felt sure she would end the day on the battlefield by one of these powerful men.