What's going on?

D grinned sheepishly at Brad, who stared at her in shock. "Sorry, man. I know I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but I literally can't."

"What the fuck did you do to her?" Brad demanded. June sniffed imperiously and handed the waiter a credit card.

"Nothing that can't be undone," June said. "It's a modifier script that I got off the internet. It makes golems completely unable to lie, including about their own nature. It will wear off next time you unbind it."

"How do you know all this?" Brad asked.

"In my line of work we need to be on the lookout for frauds," June said. "One of the most basic ones is to try to pass a golem off as a real person. Dee's not the first mudpile I've outed with this little wonder."

She tucked the modifier back into her purse. D looked at Brad apologetically, but he was still scowling at his aunt. "Turn her back, Aunt June. Undo it."

"I can't," she said simply. "And if I could I wouldn't. If you want your little fleshlight back to normal, you'll just have unbind and rebind it."

"Here? In the middle of a cafe?" Brad asked incredulously.

"Or wherever," D said lazily. "We could duck in the bathroom if you don't want to make a scene."

"Your girlfriend script is smarter than she looks," June said.

"Oh, I'm not the girlfriend script," D informed her. "I'm bromance. The scenario is that I'm a typical man who found myself in this body. We've had a few weird moments but overall it's been fun."

"I knew there was something strange about your behavior," June said. "I've never heard a woman call her partner 'dude' so many times in one conversation. But Bradley, why would you bring this instead of the girlfriend script?"

"He likes me," D said with a grin. "It's weird, to be honest. Obviously my body makes him horny, and I'm a fun hang, but I can tell he's got a little crush on me. He thought it would be funny to bring me here and make me pretend to be his girlfriend in front of you. It's like pulling a girl's hair on the playground when you like her."

June looked disgusted. "You bought a sexdoll, put some sort of male script in it, then developed feelings for it? Bradley, this is very strange."

"I didn't-"

"Let me finish," she said sharply. "This is strange but I approve. I think Dee here makes an excellent friend, or partner, or whatever you call it. Why, I haven't seen you so animated in months!"

"But she's not real," Brad said. "Isn't that why you used the modifier? To reveal my secret?"

June sighed. "You misunderstand me, Bradley. You've been so lonely for so long... it breaks my heart to see a good, kind man fall into depression and isolation like you have. It doesn't matter whether Dee's real - the effect it's having on you is."

"Thank you," D said enthusiastically. "That's what I've been trying to tell him! I'm not just a Roomba with a pussy. I can be a serious asset for you, dude."

June grimaced at the crude language. "I see that you've dropped the pretense of womanhood," she told D.

D's face lit up and she leaned over to loud out a loud, long fart. Several nearby patrons looked over and June made a disgusted face. D leaned back lazily in her chair.

"Been needing to do that for hours. God, being a girl sucks sometimes."