Well behaved

AN: Fixed some typos and made it easier to read, currently fighting the dyslexia demons and losing. Send help,lol.

Kris Pov:

It has been almost a month without Liz or Aly.

Liz barely let me take care of her in the mornings before she had to leave, some secret project I guess, because she wouldn't tell me anything besides it was important.

Alice wouldn't be here either, Liz made it clear she wouldn't be here without Mistress Elizabeth's ever watchful eyes.

I could have used the machine on myself but without Liz prompting it or pulling it out, it just felt wrong.

The state that left me in though had me contemplating something even more wrong.

Sebastian had been here all week, not just for a little comfort cuddle like he had been.

He was here near the whole day now, we would spend time and talk but it was like there is invisible wall separating things from getting any deeper than that tentative friendship we had before we started dating.

The only difference being he'd cuddle and comfort me anytime he thought I needed it.

Problem was I wanted him, the way I used to have him before I messed things up.

I was too scared of losing what little part of him I had again, too scared of reaching out in that way, and without Elizabeth's command or Alice's prompting, no matter how much it tore me apart and I ached, I would never cross that line.

Against my better judgment though I was starting to believe that he no longer hated me, but that didn't mean we could go back or that he would want to.

Pity may be enough to heal some wounds but not all of them.

Besides he had Sarah now there was nothing I could offer him that wouldn't be better filled by her.

I should just be thankful he was willing to take time away from her to make sure I was okay.

If he really wanted something more he would have taken it by now, he has to know how much I'm melting just from him being near, he helped make me this way.

I would just take another cold shower to numb the need, as best I could, and hope Liz had enough energy to at least put me under before passing out tonight.

It would make the need worse in the morning but I would need the sleep if I was going to maintain control of myself.

----

"Kris you OK in there, you've been awhile, I'm making snacks if you want some. Come and watch TV with me?"

The shower wasn't doing nearly enough and him at the door made it harder to pretend things were normal.

I didn't answer him, not trusting my voice, he'd be able to tell I was shivering and have too many questions.

He's not getting an answer, 'please leave' trust me to come out when I'm ready.

He knew he didn't have to worry about me in the shower alone, that I wouldn't do anything stupid of that variety. Him and Liz had long ago figured out that almost all of my self-harm was psychological.

It was easier to hide but harder to heal.

At least I thought he understood that but with the space between us since our breakup, he must not have been as confident.

A key was in the door and opening as a worried comment made it through his lips.

"Kris, I'm coming in, I'm worried, the shower's been on for over an hour and there's no steam coming under the door."

That on top of not being answered, it seems to have been enough to set alarms off.

"Seb, I-I'm fine, just, just need to take the edge off."

That wasn't enough to deter him and he really did not care for my boundaries, knowing that honestly they hadn't existed for us in a long time, and the ones that currently existed were artificial at best.

He would not let his worry be deterred by something so insignificant.

I'm sure he had a million follow up questions, I'm sure he was worried why I was shivering in the cold shower, I'm also sure that despite everything that happened he was admiring the form of my body.

However he was distracted by Something Beautiful something I hadn't realized he was unaware of.

"It's, it's gone? When?!"

Even with him noticing Liz and Alice's gift, he was still primarily concerned with my well-being, turning the cold water to warm and removing the one shield I had against the overwhelming need that had been eating away at my core for days.

The combination of him seeing me naked, the water getting warm, and the Wonder in his eyes, made me take a leap I was too scared of normally.

" It's just a prosthetic they got me, to hold me over through the doctors delays, but it feels near real. If you want to take it for a test drive."

His stunned Frozen silence gave me enough time to become horrified at what slipped out my mouth.

"Seb, I'm sorry, ignore me I'm just out of it, I just... turn the cold water back on and leave please. I'll handle it, my issues, these issues aren't your responsibility anymore."

I was breathing heavily and raggedly between words now.

He made no move to turn the water back to cold instead reaching his hand towards my face.

I froze in hope and that's all that stopped my recoil of fear.

Even now after all of Liz's hard work there's still signs of the fear that permeated my body at any unexpected action.

It didn't affect the way I melted into his soft touch, rough hands but gentle countenance.

We've been physically closer this whole month but there was something about this level of vulnerability and that sign of acceptance from him just holding my face, rubbing a thumb under my eye, catching a tear he could somehow see dispite the shower.

"I'm here, baby, tell me what you need."

As had been becoming the norm, my pessimistic expectations were proven wrong.

A million different thoughts went through my mind of what he would say, at best I was expecting to be comforted and then dismissed.

Or the soft moment to turn into gentle recrimination before he left.

Or to see the anger of the night he sent me away.

This gentle acceptance and this offer, I wasn't ready and it near had me lose myself in the sensation of the touch.

My face was pushing into his hand and rubbing it affectionately.

Even though my first instinct was to reject everything about this, that I couldn't let his good nature let him forget how he actually felt about me.

I couldn't be that strong, so instead I begged for him.

Begged for what I knew he would give me, but hate himself for afterward.

" I need you, I need you like I've needed you since you left, like how I've tried to forget. I need you the way I've needed you every time you come here and hold me and my body screams for more. Above all I Need You the way you taught my body to need you, please don't leave me in this torture, take me like the girl you made me into or leave and never come back. I can't take another day of you being right there and being unable to touch you like I used to. The Comfort in my soul from you holding me can't quench the fires that burned so hot that it burns through me when you leave."

"God baby, I'm sorry -" his hand left my face, there was sorrow on it as he stood up.

I knew what he would choose. So I cut him off. " It's fine Sebastian I know I'm too much, just-".

It was his turn to interrupt me, but not with words, at first, but with his shirt coming off. "Don't think so little of yourself, ever the pessimist, huh Pet?"

He was in the shower with me before I found my words again, "don't, don't do this for me, you'll regret it when you go home and see her and what I did to her."

" Pet as I've told you plenty of times while we laid together, I forgave you, SHE forgave you."

" I thought- I thought I dreamed that." I really had, I remembered it happening right before falling asleep, holding it though the nightmares, then near crying come morning, thinking I dreamed it, just another way I was subconsciously torturing myself for my mistakes.

" No, it was real every time, now hush, I have lots of time to make up for, Liz trusted me to take care of you and I've been neglecting you, not wanting to use you for my own desires, I see that's been more harm than good, I should have known. I helped make you after all. "

The only sound that escaped me was a Moan as Sebastian, for the first time, started giving me oral, and though the prosthetic was more muted than my flesh would have been, I could still feel it, just the intent alone would have made me come undone.

My hands are in his hair, on the walls, everywhere, as I tried to find stability for my sanity.

Everything I had fought to keep down was rushing to the surface.

"Sebastian, oh, God, mmmmhhhmm"

" You've been such a good girl Kris, let me show you, let me reward you."

"Aahhhhhhghnn, Seb, please, oh god."

" You're so beautiful when you make that sound, that look on your face, I still see it sometimes in my dreams,"

He had me riding the edge for so long in that shower, the water started to turn cold again, I could see him getting frustrated but also full of determination like he was trying to push me over the edge without giving me permission.

Maybe this was his plan, maybe he did forgive me, but wanted to have an excuse to punish me and work out what was left of his anger.

I was planning to keep fighting, but eventually let him push me, let him punish me if he needed the catharsis, I'd be that for him.

That was the plan but something I had been relishing with Alice and Liz came back to bite me.

After so long pent up, so close but so far away from any relief, and my body overwhelmed with the feeling of him in the shower?

I started to go towards that blank place I'd become addicted to.

My body and words were no longer mine, I could wrest control back, but what good would that do after the words already escaped me.

"Please Master, please, Sebastian please, let me come, I need you to let me come, I'm so close, I've been so close for so long, I need you, I need you, I need you, please don't deny me, please don't force me over the edge, just so you can punish me, please please please, if you need to do it, just do it, I'll take the punishment, just let me, just make me come, just make me come, just make me. "

"I'm sorry, poor thing-"

He didn't even have the good grace to stop when he spoke this time, his hands kept doing the work.

" I forgot you needed per-"

"Ahhhhhhhhgg-nnnoooo-hh oh god o godd." Despite my best efforts of self-control, my spine arched, my body shook, my brain went blank, and I felt the best orgasm I'd had it a long time.

" -mission to come, it's okay baby you can come, keep coming for me. "

And I did, my body Shook and I stayed in the after shocks, in his arms for so long before things finally calmed down.

He pulled me from the now cold shower and started helping me dry off.

I still shook, pleasure radiating, need still there but in the background finally.

The shakes turned to Shivers, as I anticipated what had to come next, he may have meant to give me permission, but I came before he did, he had to punish me now, had to.

----

We were snuggled up on the couch watching TV, eating the snacks he had made.

I couldn't tell anymore if I loved or hated that he was making me stew in anticipation.

Physically I loved the feeling of the punishments, but in my mind I knew they meant I was a bad girl or bad at being a girl.

So I hated them, but a guilty part of me loved them and the war between those two pieces of me would make the final punishment all the more delicious for my Dom, and that was... and that was beautiful.

It was nearing the end of the night, I knew Elizabeth would be coming home soon, I couldn't take it anymore, I was worried he'd make me wait for the punishment even longer, make me think about it, and him, while I lay with Elizabeth.

"Master Sebastian when are you going to punish me? Please, before you leave."

I near made him choke on his chips, "Punish? Why would I punish you, you've been good."

" If you want me to say it, I was a bad girl, I came before you finished giving me permission, I tried so hard, but I failed. Even though you were going to give it to me, I still failed, now you have to punish me."

"No, I don't count that, it was so close there's no reason for me to be cruel."

"Isn't there, even if you forgave me, isn't there anything left that you need to get out? "

"No, because I know you still haven't forgiven yourself, and you still don't even recognize that I have plenty to apologize for myself, that I should be working to earn your forgiveness. There's nothing left in me for you except a sense of loss and love. "

" Love? " there was a meekness in me at that one word, it took me longer than it would have for anyone else, to realize that I had loved Sebastian, but I never dared hope that he might feel the same way after how things ended.

" Yes, and how I lost you and the right to call you mine when I discarded you, in a fit of frustrated anger for something so fixable, over something that ended up being fixed, again something fixed by Liz, that I should have been able to do myself, for you girls. "

" No no no no I used you, I broke your trust, I never returned your feelings until it was too late! I planned to leave even with everything that had formed between us!? I was too scared to confront it and I let that fear drive me to twist someone else for my own good, so I could avoid the fear for one more day. You may have discarded me, but I had told you, to your face, that I planned to do the same from day one, you just beat me to it when I crossed the line. "

"That's just it baby I knew from day one what we had was supposed to be temporary, but I blamed you when you held yourself to what we agreed, and expected it to change without ever talking to you about it, without ever bring it up or confronting it. I let it fester and become the wedge that hurt both of us, Sarah was just a catalyst. Worse I was cruel when I didn't need to be, I could have broke things off in any number of other ways that wouldn't have hurt you so bad. "

" But-"

" But nothing pet the only compromise you're getting out of me on this is that we both could have been better and we paid the price that we weren't. We're both just lucky we found happiness and healing afterwards and that our respective partners encourage us to be there for each other. "

"... We really did luck out there huh? "

" Yeah, well mostly, it's been a bit of a rollercoaster hasn't it? "

" Yeah but one that was worth it. "

" It really was, they really are great, aren't they, who else do you know that would set their Partners up with their Ex, just because they know it would help? "

" Does ... does that mean what we did in the shower is okay, can, can we do more stuff like that? I know Liz told you... you could do whatever you needed to take care of me but wasn't this too far? I planned to confess to her later and take whatever punishment. "

" Yes baby it can happen again and Liz won't be angry, she's okay as long as you treat it like a playdate or when you are at 'lent out' like how we used to play. She knows how you still feel, I do too, and she told me this morning what you've been struggling with internally. She'll be happy as long as I never hurt you like that again and I never try to take you away from her, she would and I quote 'tear you and the world around you down, Seb' I would never try to take you from her, I wouldnt trust myself to not hurt you without her guiding us, but even if I planned to, the look on her face with those words would have changed my mind, hah! "

That laugh, those words.

The reality of it all filled my heart for the first time, Liz really was the best, I would never leave her, I needed her, and I meant what I said to myself the other day.

I would burn myself and the world down to protect what we had.

"Good I was worried I'd have to follow through on that one day, Sebastian."

Standing just inside the door to our place was Elizabeth with Alice behind her to the side, face slightly pointed down, and a visible collar on her neck.

Somehow Elizabeth had entered without either of us noticing.

The love in her eyes mixed with the determination to follow through scared me in a way I loved.

It did make me apprehensive for what was going on with Alice, I had a few ideas, too many of them scared me for my comfort.

Did Alice do something to make Liz follow through?