Welcome to the Rest of Your Life

It really did read Welcome to Helper Bot #11, but I like being dramatic, sue me. Oh, scared of my feisty redheaded lawyer. You should be, that witch can turn you into mice before you can file your papers in court. Right context!

Normally, I would think that someone hacked my phone and was playing a prank. Or, I would freak out, considering I didn't express my interest in the Techno Club to anyone. But the app icon was shining brightly and the only emotion I could feel was curiosity. (Apps were something that "smartphones" back in the day used to have, don't worry if you don't get it)

Touch, and nothing happened. Well, the screen did go blank for a while which was followed by:

Thank you for serving as a beta tester for Helper Bot #11, your personal assistant designed to make your life interesting. The app will be deleted on its own after the beta period is over please look forward to our full release to enjoy continued service.

No catchy jingle no colorful images, nothing. All in all, pretty bland in presentation. This prank was not well crafted. While I was thinking that, the text changed:

Are you always tired? Is your life really boring? Is masturbation affecting the strength balance of your two arms? But can't get out of your patterns, now there's a solution. Try Helper Bot#11, your guide to a new and exciting world, helping you graduate from virginity, one bitch at a time.

And it was then, when I was convinced that this was not a prank. Or maybe I was so impressed that I was willing to fool myself into thinking that this was not a prank. Whatever the reason might be, I am glad that I didn't turn away.

Nothing changed for a while, it seemed like the app was waiting for me to accept its legitimacy. Then, I was quickly introduced to a disclaimer. The long and short of it was:

1) Only the recognized owner of the device could access the app and make use of its features.

2) The beta run would last for 1 month, after which all the effects of the app would be reversed and the app will delete itself.

3) Once the final version was released the owner would get the option of resuming his game play and the the effects would last until I kept the app on my phone.

4) Some of the functions expected in the final release will be greyed out, but it would keep teasing me about the awesome things it could do.