Wayne (Knows Reality Is Warping To the Breaking Point, But Always Miscalls the Changes)

"I'm telling you Ignacio, the world is ending!" yelled Wayne, completely on the fritz.

"And I'm telling you, Wayne, that you need to talk to a therapist!" replied Ignacio, who was done with his friend's Lovecraft-Doomsday-Noncesense-Dream.

The two of them were walking to Psychology 201. It was painfully early at 8:00 o'clock, but it was also their only class for Friday. Whether or not that was bad luck or good, Wyatt was sure this Friday would be the unluckiest of all.

Ignacio was not in the mood for Wayne's sudden insanity. 7:45, no coffee, in the cold, and foot pain from accidentally stepping on an acorn shell. He couldn't even get a word in about his dream. He didn't remember it, but if he did he wouldn't have gotten the chance to talk about it.

"Okay, Wayne," said Ignacio with a stern voice, "If you are so sure reality is, at this very moment, swirling into its self and will break by tonight, why is today so normal?"

"That's the thing! We aren't able to perceive it, so what we think is normal now could have been totally wack a minute ago!"

"Wayne. Not only is that stupid as shit, but it's impossible to prove or disprove. Unless you have an idea of what could be different, then you're just letting a dream scare you."

Wayne thought about what he could convince Ignacio with. The other buildings at ЯсQuいn University were normal. The squirrels burrowing underneath the trees like normal. The other students were... wait.

"Ignacio, what is this?"

"What is what?"

"This," he said, patting his hip. Ignacio looked at his best friend's twiggy legs, thinking he was talking about his body. Wayne stretched his waistband to hint towards what he was actually talking about.

"Wayne. Dude. You've always had boxers."

"That's what you think. Why do we wear this one specific piece of fabric and not anything else?" Wayne said, before scratching an itch on his thigh—specifically, a part of his thigh beneath his underwear and exposed to the elements.

"Because we're not girls," Ignacio pointed to a girl on the otherside of the road. She put a hand over her mouth to briefly yawned, and used the other to stretch her back, pushing her bare boobs out. Ignacio didn't care about that mundane sight, just momentarily drawing attention to the teal thong that covered her assets. "And we're not part of an exhibitionist colony that wears weird cult garments, like jockstraps or speedos."

"Strange. How do you know what those words are?"

"My parents mistakes are not my own."

"Yes. It's their's until they move away."

Ignacio stood still and took a moment to think what Wayne said. Once he got the ribbing, he punched him in the ribs and said, "Shut the fuck up, you wannabee nudist."

Wayne held his side for a while, wincing at the cold air's stings to the light mark. He rolled his eyes and continued walking behind Ignacio, looking for possible changes. Ignacio was his best friend, and he his, but the dude had no sense of imagination. Someone could ask him what a bear looked like, and his first instict would be to Bing images of it, instead of thinking up words to describe it. Even other jocks could function without bringing out their phone once in a while.

The two of them eventually made it to ΝΣΨ Hall, greeted a girl at the front door, and started walking up the stairs. Ignacio could feel Wayne stare at his back, which he sighed to. Either he was envious of his muscles, or he had something crazy to say.

"Take a picture, it will last long."

"Did you get a look at Emily?"

"I did see the her. I kept the door open for her, and didn't see anything wrong with her."

"Me neither, but nonetheless, something had to have warped."

" 'Nonetheless', dude even Gary would think you're being too much of a nerd."

"Ignacio, why do we have nipples?"

Ignacio stopped at the platform between the 3rd and 4th floor. He turned deadlocked at Wayne's eyes and gave an exhausted. "What?"

"Emily doesn't have nipples. Where we have nipples, she has mouths."

"Yeah so does every girl ever dumbass."

"Yeah, but can you tell me how man evolved to be so different? Girls don't even have anything where our mouths are! This is unmistakably a change in reality!"

"So... because of a dream you had, you think that humans should be walking out in the nude, and men should have girlmouths instead of nipples."

"You say that like it's insane."

"It is insane you freak. I swear to [REDACTED], you need to actually go the nurse or a hospital after class."

Wayne stared daggers at his "best friend". They were close since high school, but damn does Ignacio not know how to piss him off. Wayne stormed off ahead of Ignacio, who began to realize he might have went too far. As Ignacio called for him, Wayne went ahead to the 5th floor and towards the class door.

As Wayne faced the door, he began thinking over the morning. He had met up and spoken to Ignacio at the doors to SLAY SISTERS! Hall, as per usual, but today was the only one he could remember walking to class with him. The two went to the same class, so why was it today that they actually stayed by each other's side? They went to the same middle school, they lived on the same floor, and... they didn't have any shared friends. For lack of less fitting words, Wayne hung out with the nerds, and Ignacio hung out with the jocks. Wayne could make any character in Pathfinder with pinpoint accuracy, and Ignacio honed his body at the gym every day. Other than location... was there anything that they actually shared? Could his and Ignacio's friendship have been—

"OII!" yelled a bouldering Italian from down the hall. Wayne thought to just ignore him and go into class, but he was still standing by the door when Ignacio stopped in front of him. Panting, sweating, and musky, Ignacio's boxers rode inbetween his muscle butt and the spaces between his jewels. Wayne didn't mind it; he had 10 years to get used to his best bud going all out in a sprint.

"I... I know why... men have nipples..." Ignacio panted. Wayne was glad that he was finally humoring the possibility of reality warping. Wayne asked "Well, what is it?"

"It's... this!" said Ignacio, before shooting his hands towards Wayne's nipples. 2 sharp pinches and tight twists got a tenor-ish moan out of Wayne. He moved to cover his mouth, but he was sure the class already heard what got out. Wayne's soft cock quickly hardened to 4.5 inches, and with it his mind felt warmer and stronger.

"See? If men didn't have nipples, they wouldn't be able to think properly! They would think everything in their nightmares were real! And that they can survive without boxers!"

The rug pull was annoying as hell, but Wayne could at least think clearly now. With blood flowing through his whole body now, he was sure men were meant to have two mouths on their pecs! The spot where his singular mouth is right now, below his nose, was a much better place to activate the brain. Going through the neck veins should also allow the chemicals to shoot straight to the penis. It just made sense.

"Ahem!" shouted a stern voice. The two lifelong friends stared at the door, where Mr. Barkley gave them a glare. His tented cock bulged through the doorframe like his head was. "You should have gotten ready for class in your rooms, not right outside the door."

"Sorry Mr. Barkley. We should be ready now." said Ignacio, but Barkley's glare towards his soft penis made it clear that he was not ready to learn. He motioned his eyes towards a nearby restroom, before shutting the door and beginning his lesson. The two guys looked at the door before staring at each other.

"You know, it is pretty strange that you can't get yourself hard for the day, and need someone else to help."

"Whatever man. Let's just make it quick. I am actually excited for this part of the course."

The two went into the cramped space. It was barely big enough for the two of them and the necessary plumbing. An opaque window was available since they weren't on the ground floor, but that was about it. Ignacio pulled down his boxers and sat on the barely-used toilet. This would have been gay as fuck for any other pair of men, but Ignacio and Wayne took their first baths together—it would have been more queer if one of them was uncomfortable.

Wayne stared down at his best friend. Their bond was unbreakable and they would do anything for each other... but he was still mad at him. Not only was he not taking his dream serious today, but Sir Sweats-a-Lot had the nerve to call him a freak. Luckily, he knew of a way to get him hard for class and apologize...