Wardrobe Malfunction

Faced away from the bouncer at the empty table, Lois Lane zipped up her jacket...and surreptitiously reached up under her jacket to unhook her bra. She sat down, eyes focused on the phone in her right hand as her left ripped her shirt off. Shirt and bra she pulled out the bottom of the jacket and let slip to the floor.

When she stood up again, her bare nipples pressed against the inner lining of her jacket, to any onlooker Lois Lane was obviously drunk. There was an easy grace to the way she wobbled uncertainly, heels clicked on the floor, hips a-wobble. The bouncer noticed her right away, and the reporter pretended not to notice as he got closer and closer. She noticed he had an earpiece, but no microphone. As she staggered up to her, one meaty hand rose.

The bouncer was a Black man over six feet tall, with the broad shoulders and big arms of a bodybuilder. His head had been shaved smooth, and despite the low light in the club he wore sunglasses indoors. The black t-shirt stretched over his massive chest spelled out SECURITY in bright yellow letters, but the rest of his uniform consisted only of blue jeans and steel-toed workboots.

Lois Lane smiled. Her fingers were already on the zipper. With a single, smooth motion she pulled it open, to expose creamy soft belly, small round breasts with rigid pink nipples.

The bald head dipped. Lois slipped up and under the outraised arm. Put her hands around his neck and stood up fast.

To anyone watching, it would have looked like Lois Lane had drunkenly stumbled into his head. They wouldn't see her forehead slam into his nose hard enough to crack the cartilage. Wouldn't see the blood splurt. Most importantly, they wouldn't see the taser Lois had slipped out of the inner pocket of her jacket and slipped under his shirt, to press against the bouncer's exposed belly button.

He tensed for a moment as she pressed the button. Then he went limp. Lois was ready for that her arm under his. She grabbed at the door as two-hundred-plus pounds of bouncer reeled against her. Lois hoped that under the circumstances, it looked like he was helping a lush through the door.

Then Lois Lane got to the other side, and she realized a little flaw in her plan.