Used to feel like a man in control, unaware of the storm in my soul

As much as Nick would have liked to keep watching Kim’s situation with this strange shopkeeper, he knew that Dakota had a point. As he’d discussed with Kim herself just yesterday there were other women who deserved his attention, and he needed to devote time to them, as well. Especially given who his partner for this evening would be.

So even though he was concerned that Dakota would do something sneaky when his back was turned, he still got dressed and exited the Proximity Palace, noting with only a slight amount of bitterness as the sunlight smacked him in the face that Dakota could have brought him back to the hotel, but no- she wanted him to walk back.

He was about to get started when he realized that the timeline wouldn’t line up with what he needed to do today.

“Dakota!” Nick called out. “I need to talk to you!”

“Oh?” Dakota popped back up in front of him, intrigued. “And here I thought I’d gotten the last of your company today… well, Nick, what exactly is it you wish from me, then?” She asked, batting her eyelashes coquettishly.

Nick ignored her mild flirtation.

“I need you to take me back to the hotel.”

“Really? You don’t want to enjoy the nice morning air?” Dakota asked with a smirk. “You’re trying to stay in shape, right?”

“I need to talk to Amelia,” he stated. “But she’s going to be starting her lesson with Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin soon. If I don’t get back to the hotel-”

That was enough for Dakota. She raised her hand to stop him right there. “Fine, fine, you’ve convinced me,” she sniffed, nodding in agreement. “As much as I’d like to tease you a little about paying a visit, I suspect I know what this is about. Some advice for your date today, is that a good guess?”

Nick frowned. “…Something along those lines,” he admitted. “So will you…?”

“Of course,” Dakota chirped, flicking her cane through the air. “Anything for my dear master, you need but ask! I’m here to serve.”

The playful tone in her voice stung his ears. But he didn’t let her shake him. What did shake him, though, was the way the ground warped beneath his feet as the world spun around him, and he was sent right where he’d asked to go.

It was only when everything snapped back into place that he realized Dakota had taken the opportunity to play a joke on him. She’d done more than he’d asked; she’d gone the extra mile for him, sending him right to Amelia’s room, not just the hotel!

Nick had been plopped down right in front of Morgana, who was in the process of changing her clothes. When her eyes met him her jaw dropped in shock and her glowing white skin turned a simmering scarlet as she started to shake.

“Y-y-y-you-!” She mumbled out, hastily covering herself. Sure it was nothing that Nick hadn’t seen already but she had been caught completely off-guard, and wasn’t at all mentally prepared for him to see her in this state! Who could be!? No, her hair wasn’t even brushed yet, she hadn’t washed her face, she wasn’t ready at all!

“Sorry!” Nick apologized, quickly turning around so Morgana could get changed. “I-I just… I was looking for Amelia, and Dakota she just…!”

“One of Dakota’s pranks?”

Nick jumped when he saw Amelia standing in the bathroom door. Fortunately she was already dressed, unlike the floundering goth girl behind him. He could hear Morgana’s **** groans and mumbles and silent half-curses as she struggled to fit her arms through the sleeves of her bulky sweater, but he tried not to listen for her sake.

“…I’m sorry to intrude,” he awkwardly apologized. It was almost painful.

Amelia blinked, her eyes meeting his. “…Unnecessary,” she said, almost sounding gentle. She approached him slowly, moving her body almost hypnotically as if she were trying to keep his attention focused solely on her.

Nick realized that was exactly what she was trying to do as he remembered her transformation, Mrs. Robinson, that made her act physically seductive towards him whenever she wasn’t consciously trying to suppress it. Of course, she could also be intentionally allowing her transformation to do its thing so Nick would stare at her and not Morgana. With his stepmother, it was hard to tell.

Amelia cleared her throat gently, reclaiming Nick’s attention from her body. She looked him in the eyes and for a moment her cold gaze almost seemed contrite.

“My apologies. I did not adequately explain myself,” Amelia stated. “When I said ‘unnecessary’ I meant that it was unnecessary for you to apologize because your presence here was a result of Dakota’s poor sense of humor.”

That made Nick feel a little better. “…Thanks,” he said, glad that he could explain himself. “I told her I wanted to come talk to you this morning, and, well…”

Amelia raised an eyebrow. She didn’t look amused. “You don’t need to explain,” she said with a hint of a grumble in her voice. “I understand how she operates.”

Again, it was quite a relief to hear that. Nick sighed and scratched his head sheepishly.

“So, um… look, the thing is…” Nick wasn’t quite sure how to bring up this conversation topic, especially with Morgana present. “Can we… take this outside?”

“Don’t mind me!” Morgana blurted out from behind him. “You don’t have to be considerate of my presence! I’m not bothered at all by you being here! Promise! I’m way more confident and bold than I used to be, and besides, I have my clothes on now, look!”

Nick turned in surprise to see Morgana standing in the corner with her hands on her hips and her head held high, fully dressed as she claimed. At first glance it looked like she was telling the truth, and she had pushed past her earlier embarrassment and clumsiness to get dressed and behave normally around him.

“…Your sweater is on backwards,” Nick realized.

Morgana’s eyes bulged and she hastily spun around to readjust her clothing. “J-j-just gimme a second here!”

“Morgana.” Amelia stepped around Nick and approached her roommate, causing Morgana to jump up stiff in the air.

“Yes?!” She squeaked.

Amelia placed a comforting hand on Morgana’s shoulder. “It is okay to be flustered after someone walks in on you naked,” she assured the younger woman. “You are under no obligation to pretend that it is not a big deal.”

“She’s right,” Nick said, nodding. “Even if I, like, popped into the room all of a sudden when Rose was changing, she might freak out. And that’s Rose.”

Their words of support did a lot to ease Morgana’s tension. She turned around bashfully and fidgeted her fingers together with a shy smile on her face as she looked sheepishly at Nick. “Um, yeah, I guess you’re right,” she admitted, scratching her messy hair. “You just startled me before, so I kinda… lost it. Sorry.”

Nick gave her a reassuring smile. “I told you, it’s fine,” he said gently. “But I really do need to talk with Amelia in private. It’s important, and, well, it involves someone else…”

“Right! Of course!” Morgana stiffened up straight and shook her head quickly. “I-I shouldn’t eavesdrop, it’s impolite! I’ll… I’ll go wash my face and do my hair! Um, see you later, Nick!” She hastily pushed past the both of them and practically threw herself into the bathroom, clicking the door locked behind her.

Well, that was gracious of her, at least.

Nick turned to Amelia, who gazed back at him with an even expression on her face. He scratched his cheek warily.

“What is it you wanted to talk to me about?” Amelia asked. Nick was surprised; he was used to brusque conversations with his stepmother, but she had made great progress in her usual clumsy attempts to talk. Even earlier, she’d realized that she hadn’t explained enough and clarified herself.

It was refreshing to see, and it helped Nick feel more comfortable talking to her.

“It’s about, um, my date today,” Nick said. “…Wait, no, I mean… …Sorry, it’s about my dates in general. I need some advice.”

Amelia raised her eyebrow and adjusted her glasses. “…This seems like a conversation that requires coffee,” she said judiciously, and turned towards the door. She didn’t even look back to see if he was following her, as if she assumed that he would as a matter of course.

So maybe she hadn’t made as much progress with communicating as he would have liked. Regardless Nick still followed after her, glad that they could at least have a conversation.

Fortunately the lounge area was empty. Amelia went to start brewing her coffee as Nick began explaining himself.

“So there are only four days left in the round, including today,” Nick reminded her, counting off on his fingers. “Today is my night with Ella, then Morgana is tomorrow, then Sylvia, then, well…”

It still felt a little awkward to say it. Fortunately, Amelia’s bluntness carved through all that.

“Then myself. Yes, I am aware,” she said, looking back at him. She kept staring at him as the conversation withered, not realizing that she should maybe ask a clarifying question about his intentions.

Nick cleared his throat. “It’s just… yesterday, Kim and I were talking, and I realized… or, she helped me realize… that I’m spending too much time with certain girls and not enough time with others.”

Amelia raised a curious eyebrow. Nick took that as a sign of interest and continued, still trying to explain the situation as best he could to the only person he really trusted to give him insightful advice about his troubles.

“I hate playing favorites,” he sighed. “Which is a huge problem, because as much as I hate to admit it, well…”

“You have favorites?” Amelia cut to the heart of the matter.

Nick winced again. “It’s not… like that…” he mumbled halfheartedly. While he would never say that he had a “favorite” girl or anyone he liked “best” (he didn’t do that with people- everyone he was with he found special in their own ways) the fact was, his relationships with the women in his harem weren’t entirely equal.

He sighed and tried to defend himself. “I’m such an asshole.”

…He didn’t do a great job.

“Language,” Amelia sternly rebuked him. But he had a feeling from her glare that she cared less about his choice of words and more that he was being so self-deprecating.

“I’m sorry,” he groaned, “but that’s just how I feel sometimes. Like… I’m in a relationship of some sort or another with over ten women,” he pointed out. “And some of them I know for certain that I love, like Mary and Holly and Rose, but then there are others where I’m just not sure if I feel that way about them, like Carly or Kim or Rose. They’re important to me, everyone is, but…”

“But the nature of your feelings is nebulous,” Amelia interjected, cutting to the heart of the matter.

Nick blinked, and then nodded slowly. “…Yeah,” he admitted. “Nebulous is a good way to describe it. And… look, it’s not like I’m not trying, right? But… I’ve been way too passive, and that’s a bad thing. Because it leads to me naturally spending more time with people who are actively trying to spend time with me, as opposed to more… introverted people, I guess.”

He was trying to talk about Ella and his upcoming date with her, but what he was describing could also describe Morgana. And Dawn too, in a way.

Luckily Amelia was here, and she listened to everything he said without judgment or bias.

…But she wasn’t offering any advice, either.

Amelia moved to pour herself a cup of coffee once the machine finished brewing it, leaving Nick in a state of limbo as an uncomfortable silence hung over the lounge.

**** to fill it, he kept pressing.

“So with Kim… we were talking about, um… Dream Alley, and how it’s kind of a symptom of that general problem,” he mumbled out. “Because people keep taking me there to spend the whole day with them, and, like, it’s my whole day. I can’t do anything with anybody else. Like, earlier this week, I kind of went on a three-way date with Dani and Kim. You know, like the one we went on with Sylvia? …Even though it’s not really a date with Dani… okay, um, I’m not sure… …Oh! But yesterday, see, Kim actually gave me the morning off, right? And because of that, I could go out on a date with Holly in the morning, and I hardly ever spend any time with her, so…”

“Nicholas.”

The calm tone of her voice actually helped ease his anxiety. He looked at Amelia with wide eyes as she stared back at him, her stoic features unusually gentle and understanding.

Amelia took a slow sip from her cup, thinking hard about what to say next. She could tell he was anxious and uncomfortable, and she wished to help. But she was unsure how best to do that.

Choosing the right words was hard enough for her as it was.

“…What do you need me for?” She finally asked.

Nick stared at his stepmother for a second, not expecting that question. “Uh… excuse me? What?”

Amelia kept her eyes trained on him. “You discussed this already with Kim, is that right?”

“Yeah…” Nick nodded slowly.

“And from what you said, it sounds as though you have come to a conclusion already, yes?” She pressed. “With Dream Alley.”

Nick swallowed and nodded again. “…Y-yeah, we… that is, I’m going to be asking the others to not use it so much. Um, so… so I can spend more time here, so I’m not stuck with just one girl for the whole day… …Wait, that sounds awful, I didn’t mean ‘stuck’ I just meant-”

“That is fine,” Amelia interrupted him. A rare show of poor etiquette on her part. “I understand the difficulty of picking the wrong words.”

Relief washed over Nick and he relaxed, sinking into the kitchen chair.

“Thanks, like… don’t get me wrong, I like Dream Alley and the opportunity it gives me to get to know someone intimately. But… there are a lot of downsides. I don’t want to get too dependent on it, and the way it’s been going, it’s unfairly biased against some of the girls. Like, my date today, it’s with Ella, and we haven’t really planned anything out, but it’s obvious she didn’t go for a Dream Alley date or I wouldn’t be here, right?” He pointed out. “So… like… I should give her some special focus and attention today, right? Since she’s not always going to be taking the initiative, I should pick up some of the slack, don’t you think?”

Amelia nodded, approving of Nick’s reasoning. “It seems you’ve put some thought into this,” she said. If only her pride could make it to her voice or face. She thought it went without saying, but Nick didn’t pick up on it at all, sadly.

Nick scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. “I just want to do right by everyone. I mean… how can I develop a genuine relationship if I don’t have the time for each of them?”

It was only a gradual thing right now; more proactive women were trying to carve up his schedule and take as much as they could for themselves, with Rose being a major perpetrator of this. Kim and Dawn too, to an extent. In spite of his earlier noting of Dawn being an introvert, it felt like he had spent more time with her this round than a lot of other girls. Augmented Synthetic Humanoid Assassin, too. Whereas Morgana? They’d hardly spoken, as was becoming all too common for any day that wasn’t specifically meant for her.

Nick had to nip this in the bud before it became too big of a problem to contain. If some girls were willing to pool their time together so they each got more time with him, he needed to compensate to make sure that the more self-conscious women didn’t fall by the wayside. And that was what he was speaking to Amelia about.

“I don’t know how things are going to go with Ella today,” he admitted. “But last night… I had the chance to talk to her, and I didn’t take advantage of it because Kim and I stayed the night in the Proximity Palace instead of the Master’s Suite.”

Plus, Rose had been there, and that had complicated everything.

Amelia nodded. “It is important not to be complacent,” she agreed. “But you also should not push too hard.”

Well, that helped.

Nick sighed and rubbed his temples. “This is way too difficult,” he groaned, wishing there was some easy way to resolve all this.

Talk about wishful thinking.

There was one other thing he needed to bring up though. He raised his head and looked at Amelia, who regarded him with bland curiosity.

“Amelia…”

“Yes?” She asked.

“I… I set up a date with Gina yesterday,” he said. “A real date. I didn’t give her any specifics, but… I really want to do something with her before the end of the round. Ever since she got that party transformation, she and I have barely had any time to ourselves, and that just isn’t fair. So I just… I want to…”

It was hard to say. But he needed to say it.

He never got the chance, though.

“If you would like to use some of my day for your date with Gina, that would of course be completely acceptable,” Amelia answered the question Nick couldn’t bring himself to ask.

His eyes widened. “R-really?”

She nodded. “You are concerned that you have been neglecting the other women in your… harem.” She still found that word rather distasteful. “Obviously you should devote as much time to Ella as you can today. And the same applies to your dates with Morgana and Sylvia. All three of them have been neglected by you in favor of other girls, yes?”

Nick winced. He really wished she didn’t put it like that, but she was completely right. Due to Morgana’s wish not to relapse into her overbearing “witch” persona she always held herself back, and Sylvia was complicated. So he had barely spent any time with either of them this round.

“I am the logical choice,” Amelia continued, her eyes not leaving Nick for a second. “Feel free to use as much of my day as you like for your date with Gina. That is of course the real reason you came to me, yes? Not simply to consult about matters on which you’ve already made up your mind.”

Wow, she saw right through him. Nick sighed and nodded. “Thanks, Amelia,” he said gratefully. “This really means a lot.”

Amelia nodded back. “Of course,” she murmured. “And Nicholas… do not worry about your nebulous feelings.”

He perked up. “Huh?”

A distant look flickered over her delicate features. “When your father and I were trying to have a child, this very same topic arose,” she said. “I expressed my concern that I might favor my own biological child over you. Your father reassured me in that regard, telling me that he was confident in my ability to remain objective and to love you both equally, and that soothed my concerns to an extent… but not entirely. Emotions are a complicated thing, especially when they involve different people. My recent transformation has helped me realize that.”

Nick was so stunned by Amelia opening up about his father that he didn’t fully realize what transformation she was talking about, until he remembered that in a technical sense, Amelia had many more children now; or at least, she viewed the women in his life as such.

“Of course, our plans never came to fruition,” she reminded him with a slight shake of her head, “but the worry had been present. In the end… the most you can do is try to be as judicious as you can with your love, if possible. And remember that you are only human. You cannot help the way you feel.”

She was telling him that it was natural if he liked some girls more than others. It sounded awful for her to put it that way, and yet it came as a strange comfort to Nick all the same. He truly wasn’t sure how he should feel about it.

But he was glad he’d gone to her for advice regardless.