Unwanted

"This is what all the fuss is over?" The Chief asks, raising an eyebrow. "You broke into a crime scene, contaminated evidence, and shot one of the CSIs over a prostitute?" He recaps. The journey back to the precinct was a pain. Not because of the other cops, they stayed out of the way, but because Azure literally doesn't understand the concept of clothing. It genuinely cocked its head in confusion when I asked where its clothes are kept. I ended up throwing my coat round it, it's long enough to cover everything.

"It's an AI, sir, but... An odd one, it expresses way more easily and doesn't have any processing lag." I explain, the AI in question waiting outside the office, still visible through the glass wall. "It also has... Reproductive organs." I add, causing the Chief to furrow his brows. "Don't look at me like that, I didn't fuck it." I growl.

The Chief leans back with a sigh. "Miracles do happen." He mutters. Look, I have a lot of casual sex, but even I'm not low enough to resort to fucking a machine just because it has a vulva... Oh shit, that reminds me, I'll have to deal with that thing when I get home... Don't worry about it now.

"Chief, the lab assistant was an AI too." I inform him, getting the conversation back on track. "Whoever the assailant was, they were after that droid, and I couldn't find any evidence of the perp. Azure's the only lead. We need to put it in evidence."

The chief snorts at the idea. "You want to put a sapient AI in an impound with thousands of cases worth of evidence? No way in hell." He counters. "Legally, AI can't be tried as a human or even facilitated as a human. It's in a grey area."

"Nothing grey about it." I argue. "We can't put it in lock-up. If we can't put it in evidence, then it needs some sort of protection. If whoever did this comes back, it's not aware enough to defend itself, we lose the only lead we've got." I continue, getting increasingly frustrated and leaning on the Chief's desk.

He seems to consider what I'm saying, stroking his chin, as he comes to a conclusion. "You take it then." He decides, crossing his arms in victory. He did not just say what I think he said. "It's already attached to you, right? Make use of that, if it trusts you, it might say more."

"It's a fucking fleshlight, it doesn't trust!" I yell at him, to no effect. "I don't want some fucking borg in my house, let alone one... Like that." I continue, pointing back to Azure, currently pretending to fire a stapler like a pistol.

The Chief doesn't seem to acknowledge the issue. "You seem to be harbouring the impression that this is optional. It's not. It's an order. Consider it community service for your handling of the Baxter case this morning." He decides, as calm and collected as a person can be. It makes me even more furious.

"You mean solving the fucking thing?" I almost scream in fury. "You know what, fine, I'll guard the fucking sexbot, but I don't want a single complaint about how I handle this case, got it? No more crying about stunned CSIs or my personal life. I get free rein." I demand.

The Chief simply shrugs, like he knows it enrages me more. As I turn to leave, he says the only thing that could piss me off more. "Get Frazier to scan it while you're at it."

Great. Fucking Frazier.

*

The precinct's medical examiner's office is better equipped than most hospitals, any cause of ****, we can find it. Any illness, we can identify it. Even the specifications and features of androids can't hide from all the toys down here. Soon, we'll know everything there is to know about Azure.

"I got nothing." Frazier informs me, not looking up from what is assuredly the notes for a different case entirely. I've been sitting here waiting for three fucking hours, I'm not giving up that easily. How the fuck can we not have anything? Frazier eventually seems to notice I haven't left and continues. "What? Results inconclusive, the scan can't figure it out. I'll have to send the data over to National for more."

"And how long will that take?" I ask, impatiently. The longer this takes, the longer I'm stuck with the AI that's currently flicking through anatomy journals like they're flipbooks.

"Usually? A week. For degenerate fucks like you? A month." Frazier spits at me. And there it is. Stan Frazier's an out and proud misogynist and homophobe, making me basically his most hated person in the world. "Maybe I hurry it up if you give me a go on your little fucktoy over there." He adds, snidely.

The idea almost makes me sick. Azure's not human, but not even dirt deserves to be touched by Frazier. "Lay a hand on the evidence, and I'll make sure the only part you play in medicine is as a patient." I warn him. As scummy as he is, he's good at his job. Thanks to the old 'marketplace of ideas', that means that people just as qualified can't have his job instead. I'd have put him in his own stretcher if the chief hadn't said it'd be my badge if I did.

"A month it is. Typical dyke, angry and loud." He adds with venom before returning to his notes. It takes every shred of my restraint to not slam his head into the desk until he stops moving. The thought at least gives me some satisfaction.

I march away from him and head for the door. "Azure, with me." I order, as its significantly shorter legs struggle to keep up. I'm admittedly tall at six feet, but even for its five-foot frame, it moves like it's running at all times. "Looks like I'm stuck with you for the foreseeable future, so you're coming to my place." I groan. Maybe I can teach it to do chores for me or something.

"Yay! It'll be like a sleepover, we can have pillow fights and talk about latent attraction leading into choreographed lesbian sex." It celebrates, raising a fist into the air. Why is its idea of a sleepover a literal porn scene? What the fuck is wrong with this machine?

"First off, not a sleepover." I correct it. "Second, that's not how sleepovers work, they're fun activities for kids. Please tell me you are not a kid." I add, suddenly realising that AI age may not work the same as ours... But that wouldn't stop some sick fuck from trying.

Azure laughs at my assertion. "Don't be silly, I checked in those books. According to my physiological progression, I'd be in the 19-20 range. If I could remember correctly, that'd be much easier." It giggles. Well, at least that's something. Wouldn't be the first time I've had to put some kiddie smugglers behind bars... I always hope each time's the last, though. "Also, the videophotographs that were hidden between the pages were very specific that sleepovers are mainly focused on same-sex exploration, as well as seducing the host's step-parents. Somehow they're always step-parents." It continues. Videophotographs are an outdated method of story video. Think GIFs but on actual paper. Of course Frazier had that shit hidden in anatomy books. Wait.

"How did you have time to read and watch all that? I can't have been talking to him for more than 10 minutes after your scans." I ask, suddenly remembering it flipping through the pages of each book in turn. We finally exit the precinct, and I snap twice to summon my AV.

Azure waves me off like I'm asking a dumb question. "Don't be silly, master, I just saw each page and added it to my brain." It explains. Eidetic memory? That doesn't even cut it, it's like hyper reading, photographic memory, and a mind palace rolled into one. Even true AI can't do that. Is Azure some kind of upgraded version? "I also absorbed the video files from the photographs using my tactile interface." It continues. It downloaded data by touching the device? "Unfortunately, the photographs were quite old and ended up corrupted after the process was complete. I do hope the man who called you a 'degenerate fuck' doesn't miss them." It concludes as my AV arrives.

After I enter and set the destination, what it said suddenly clicks in my head. "Did you..." I begin asking until I see Azure has lowered the window and is currently waving its hand through the air like it's a kite. Nah, there's no way this defective toaster defended my honour. Probably just a coincidence.

I gotta get rid of this thing before it drives me crazy.