Understandings

As the girls went their separate ways, Hannah wanted nothing so much as to lick her wounds in private. Her performance had been miserable, the changes facing her were daunting, and her point total was so deeply underwater that she didn’t know how she’d survive the round.

But it was Jake’s rebuke that weighed on her the heaviest. For him to reject her so utterly, was like an arrow to the heart. If she was really over him, over him the way she’d insisted both to herself and everyone else, why did it hurt so much?

Weary, frustrated, and heartsick, she nursed it all back in her room with the blinds drawn, and doors to the beach closed. Only then, with her villa entirely closed to the outside world, did she allow herself to cry. Pulling her pillow against her face, she sniffled into it.

She never heard the door open, nor realized that anyone was in the room with her until the weight settled on her bed. When Hannah pulled back the pillow, Emily was sitting over her. Even in her emotional state, Hannah felt a flush of desire for the radically transformed girl.

“You okay?” Emily asked softly, and the genuine concern on her face almost undid Hannah all over again.

She shook her head, not quite trusting herself to speak. Emily chewed her lip, eyes fixed on hers.

“So…I wanted to talk to you,” She tried nervously, “About what happened earlier. With Jake and…well, the stuff he was mad about.”

Hannah let out a heavy sigh, and **** herself to sit up next to Emily. She knew she had to face the music over this sooner or later. Really, she sort of admired the girl for coming to her about it.

“Okay,” She said. “Emily, I’m really, really sorry. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I just got carried away in the moment, but…”

She paused, because Emily was shaking her head.

“It’s kind of you to apologize, but you really don’t have to,” She said. “In fact, I don’t even want you to.”

Hannah was surprised.

“Really?”

Emily nodded.

“Like…first of all, I get it. You think my transformations are really hot. When you figured out I was doing what you told me, you got turned on just like I did,” She said. “We’re all a little mind borked, right? No shame in that.”

Hannah took a deep breath. It was a huge relief.

“Thank you,” She said, “I’m glad you understand.”

But Emily was still staring at her.

“Did you…y’know…like it?” She asked.

Hannah sighed.

“Yeah. I did. I can’t stop thinking about it,” She admitted, shaking her head. “What I’m going through is weird. Since they gave you this whole submission kink, exploiting it is now a turn on for me. It’s like some gross chain reaction.”

“It doesn’t have to be gross,” Emily said quietly.

Hannah turned to find her sizing her up intently. She shifted uncomfortably.

“I don’t know, Emily…I’m scared of all this,” Hannah said. “The kind of thing they’re doing to us feels so incredible now, but look what I did with my challenge? I chose to do it, but I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Like something had been awakened in you?” Emily suggested.

Hannah’s eyes widened.

“Yes! That’s exactly it!” She said. “I was just…hungry for more of it.”

Emily turned to her, excitedly.

“See?” Emily said, “You get it! I think you’re the only one who does!”

Hannah shook her head, forcing herself to turn away from her.

“It’s dangerous, though. I don’t really want to hurt people. Not anymore than I have already.”

“I know that,” Emily said, turning toward her “I don’t want to get myself in over my head either. Seriously, look at me.”

Hannah did; at her swollen, oversized breasts, her thick, flowing, gorgeous hair, and at the way she could see every inch of the girl but what little of her was tantalizingly hidden. She felt almost dizzy with lust.

“Jake’s gonna keep some of this,” Emily said. “And I know for my sake, he should pick the big boobs or whatever.”

Emily turned back to face forward, and Hannah suddenly felt like she could breathe again, though heart kept hammering.

“But part of me wonders, ‘what if he doesn’t’?” She continued. “What if he leaves me naked from now on, or makes it so everyone wants to treat me like you did. It’s scary, but it’s so, so fucking hot.”

Emily stared down at her lap before adding.

“I got myself off just thinking about it earlier.”

Hannah absorbed that, trying not to picture it, and failed.

“Why are you telling me all this?” She finally managed to ask.

Emily bit her lip.

“It doesn’t have to be gross,” She repeated, placing her hand over Hannah’s. “What if we could…help each other out. If you’re comfortable with it, I mean.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Was she saying what Hannah thought she was?

“Let me get this straight,” She said carefully. “Are you proposing that we lean into this?”

“Yeah…kinda,” Emily said, shifting nervously. “Y’know, like, here in this room. Just the two of us. Think about it; if we get it out of our systems a little, maybe it’ll be better for both of us.”

She thought it over.

“It makes a lot of sense. Indulge ourselves in a safe, controlled space so we can make more rational decisions everywhere else,” Hannah said, then shook her head. “Aren’t you worried though? What if it drives us even further off the deep end?”

Emily only shrugged a pale, freckled shoulder.

“Then it was probably gonna get to us sooner or later anyway,” She said. “What is it AJ said? Let’s do it on our own terms.”

Hannah took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. She should be the adult here, and put a stop to it. Maybe it would help get the urges under control, but maybe it would make them worse. And if Jake found out, it would be trouble for both of them.

At the moment, though, all she could think of was the goddess sitting next to her on the bed. A goddess who’d taken her man, and was now inviting Hannah to take charge of her.

Fuck it

“Alright,” Hannah said, standing up. She turned toward Emily, drinking in the sight of her. “We’ll do this my way, then. In this room, when we’re alone together, I’m the mistress and you’re my…”

She thought it over. What did she want Emily to be to her? She decided that if they were going to do this, they may as well go for it.

“You’re my ****.”

“Anything you say,” Emily agreed.

“That means you follow any rules I set for you here,” She continued. “And you do absolutely anything I tell you to.”

Emily’s pale, pretty blue eyes looked up at her hungrily. She squirmed, breath quickening.

“Sounds perfect,” She agreed.

“And no matter what, you don’t tell anyone about what we’re doing in here,” Hannah said. “Especially not Jake.”

On this point, She was deadly serious. Hannah knew she’d be the bad guy if this got out, regardless of how consensual the arrangement had been. That, more than anything, was a good reason to shut it down, but Hannah was far too excited to stop now.

Emily nodded.

“Just us. I promise,” She said. “When do you want to start?”

“Right now,” Hannah said, walking over to the desk.

Emily shifted nervously.

“Is that really a good idea?” She asked. “I’m gonna be with Jake in a few hours.”

“I’m not going to fuck you or anything,” Hannah said as she rooted through her purse.

Though, God, do I want to…

She withdrew her phone.

“What I want right now is pictures.”

“Pictures?” Emily asked, sitting up a little straighter.

“You won’t look the same when you get back here,” Hannah said. “And right now, you look incredible”

She lifted her phone.

“You ever modeled before?” She asked, “I think we should preserve the moment.”

*****

Hannah wasn’t alone in feeling the Sword of Damocles hanging over her head. The other contestant in the negative brooded darkly as she made her way to the one source of genuine comfort she had.

Ryan’s body still felt gangling and awkward. She had no hope of completing the game’s main objective. She’d been sabotaged in the first contest. And the hostess seemed determined to leave her stuck like this. Worst of all, she somehow had to make up 11 points by the next challenge just to avoid elimination.

And so, like always when she felt the walls of the world closing in on her, Ryan sought out her mother.

She found her, or at least half of her, having a drink of something clear by the tiki bar where they’d played their game the previous evening.

Clad in a fashionable pair of leggings and a spaghetti strap top, looking even younger than Ryan was, it was hard to remember that this woman even was her mother, though it helped that there was only one of her. Ryan had only been a toddler when Farrah had been this age, and she’d never dressed like this.

But when she turned her loving, almond eyes toward him and said, “Hello, Ryan,” reality came crashing back.

“Hey, Mom.” She said, glumly. “Where’s your other half?”

“Out and about. I gave myself the ability to be in two places at once with my challenge. Why not use it?”

She studied Ryan for a moment before patting the barstool next to her.

“Take a seat, joonam,” Farra said, patting the barstool next to her. “I can tell you want to talk.”

Ryan slid in beside her.

“What’s that?” She asked, motioning to the bottle.

“Ouzo. It’s Greek,” Farra said, pouring some into a tiny glass for Ryan.

Ryan sniffed it, then took a swallow. It tasted deeply of licorice. She grimaced, but Farra smiled.

“It’s an acquired taste, I admit,” She said. “I acquired it when I was studying in Greece back in college. Lot of good nights started with a bottle of this.”

Ryan frowned.

“Weren’t you and Dad married by then?”

Farra gave her the sort of look teachers reserved for especially hopeless students.

“Ryan, you’re too old and we’re in too difficult a situation for beating around the bush,” She said. “Your father and I have always had an understanding about our lives outside the marriage.”

Ryan absorbed that, then nodded. She supposed she’d always suspected something along those lines.

“Now, obviously you sought me out, joonam,” She said. “Talk to me.”

Ryan let out a long, tired sigh.

“Mom, what the fuck am I going to do?” She asked.

Her mother absorbed the question in silence for a moment before taking a drag off the glass. Finally, as the quiet between them began to grow awkward, she answered.

“Are you asking me rhetorically, darling, or because you want my honest answer?” She asked.

There was a trap here. But there was only one thing Ryan could say without looking foolish.

“An answer,” She said with more certainty than she felt.

Farra finished off her drink and turned to her.

“You should try, for a start.”

Ryan blinked.

“Try?” She asked stupidly.

“Yes. Try. Put forth effort,” Farra said. “The things one does when one wants to accomplish something of value.”

It was a sardonic answer, and Ryan felt a real flash of anger at it.

“So you’re going to tell me this is my fault too?”

Farra didn’t so much as flinch.

“No. None of this is our fault,” She said. “But many of the things that happen to us in life aren’t. And we still have to deal with them.”

Ryan opened her mouth to protest, but could think of nothing to say.

Farra swiveled her stool to face her, taking hold of both her hands.

“Joonam, I’ll always be your mother,” She said. “And I love you with all my heart. No matter what happens because of all of this, I’ll be here for you. And as long as I draw breath, I’ll do anything I can for you.”

Her love in that moment was so sincere it made Ryan want to cry. She squeezed her hands.

“But you’re a quitter,” Farra continued.

Ryan recoiled.

“What?”

Farra shook her head.

“I hate to admit it, but that bitch of a host had a point,” She said. “There was a lot you could have done to avoid what happened to you in this round. And you didn’t, because you’re a quitter. It’s the same reason you’ve resigned yourself to living with your father and I. It’s why you gave up on your finance career. And your programming classes. And why you stopped trying to date.”

She shook her head.

“I love you, boy, but I can’t deny it anymore,” She continued. “When things get hard, you quit.”

Ryan gaped at her. She wouldn’t have been more stunned if her mother had slapped her across the face. In a way, it felt like she had.

“I…I’m not…” She stammered.

All of a sudden, she felt like a child again.

“Do you think I’m a bad person?”

Her mother immediately softened.

“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “I think you’re a smart, funny, charming person with a lot of talent and a lot to offer the world. Which is why it’s so frustrating to see you settle for less than the life you deserve.”

Something caught Farra’s eye, and she stood up. She placed her hands on Ryan’s shoulder. She looked up into her mother’s eyes.

“I’m not telling you all this to shame you, or humiliate you,” She said. “You’re facing a crisis. We all are. And this is one time when I can’t do the homework for you. You have to decide; take charge, or be lost.”

She leaned forward and pressed her full lips to Ryan’s brow before withdrawing. For a moment, she could only sit beneath her in silence.

“Okay, Mom,” She said finally. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Farra said. “I have to go, though. Just…think on what I said.”

Ryan thought about it, alright. As she made her way back to her room, she marinated in Farra’s words. They were harsh words, but she couldn’t dismiss them as unfair ones no matter how hard she tried.

That didn’t stop them from making her angry as she made her way back. Not at Farra. Her mother had only delivered her a hard truth, and because she loved her at that. No, it was herself she was angry at. For the position she was in. The wasted years. The pathetic spectacle she’d always, deep down, known she’d been.

Ryan had been hiding this from herself, and long before any of this madness had started. But no longer. By the time she made it back to her room, she had resolved to grow up.

Ryan threw open her hotel room door to find Lindsey sitting on the couch with a laptop. She wore a tank top and panties, reminding Ryan even through her determination of how badly he wanted her.

Lindsey looked up at her, concern clouding her face.

“Uhm…hey dude,” She said. “You okay?”

“Lindsey,” Ryan proclaimed. “I need you to help make me a woman.”

In one fluid motion, Lindsey closed the laptop and lifted two fists to the sky.

“Yaaaaaaaaaas!” She cried.

“Tomorrow. You and me are gonna head down to the village,” Ryan said. “And I am going to get a makeover.”

*****

Farra climbed the hiking trail with a heavy heart. She kept seeing Ryan’s downcast face, like a puppy she’d kicked.

She hoped it had been a wakeup call. She was afraid she’d crushed her spirits. But that was the dichotomy of parenting, wasn’t it?

It was easy to fall into her own thoughts. She had more mastery of her two bodies after her self-administered upgrade. With her other body engaged in a conversation with Julie, she had nothing to do with this one but climb, and brood.

It felt good. The tropical night air was spectacular, and bizarre as her new situation was, Farra was quickly growing intoxicated with it. A few days ago, a trek like this would have left her winded and aching. Now it was only building her adrenaline.

“Sup, Dr. J-A,” A voice called, bringing Farra out of her own head.

Farra lifted her gaze to find AJ looking down at her, her tall body outlined by the setting sun as she leaned against a signpost.

In spite of the feminine touches they’d put on her, AJ was, as ever, a pillar of feminine strength. Not for the first time, Farra felt something raw and primal for her, and realized with some satisfaction that such thoughts were no longer as taboo as they once might have been.

“Hello AJ,” She replied with a smile.

Jake was with her, standing by a park bench looking out beyond the overlook. His sister sat beside him, still hunched in on herself nervously. There was zero doubt they were siblings. Megan’s makeover had, in Farra’s estimation, lessened her beauty, somewhat. Jake, however, his toned chest teased by a low buttoned shirt, tight shorts around his shapely rear, and the waning sun making a fire of his thick hair and beard, had never looked more handsome.

What is happening to you, woman? She thought with a shudder. Whether it was her youth, or their new situation, Farra seemed to have misplaced her off switch.

“Jake. Megan,” She greeted, drawing up to the trio.

“Hello, Mrs. Jones-Ali,” Jake greeted, turning to her.

Farra waved a hand.

“Oh for God’s sake, call me Farrra,” She chided. “We’re far beyond that sort formality, boy.”

Jake nodded, and Farra looked between them. All three seemed strangely determined.

“So…what is this?” She asked.

Unsurprisingly, AJ answered.

“I wanted to get some of you together to talk some shit out,” She said. “Ryan’s sabotage, namely.”

Farra nodded, unsurprised.

“I approve,” She said. “You are the three I’d already written off as innocent.”

“Uhm, excuse me,” Megan said, raising her hand. “But, well…AJ got this together, and I know neither of you would do it. But why do you guys think I’m innocent?”

AJ laughed aloud, and Farra smiled.

“Megan, dear, I’ve known you since you were bottle fed. You’re as sweet as they come,” She said. “And if this is the unofficial investigative committee, your brains will be plenty useful. That you’d even think to ask is proof of your thoroughness.”

Megan blushed, and squirmed, but looked plenty pleased with herself.

“Is that what we’re doing?” Jake asked. “Investigating.”

“That was my thought,” AJ said. “I trust all of you guys, so let’s put our heads together.”

Farra nodded. It was a good group to trust, by her reckoning, but the faces that were absent were as conspicuous as those in attendance.

“You didn’t pick many of us,” She noted. “Why not Ryan himself?”

AJ examined her over her sunglasses.

“Doc…I ask this with all due respect. Ryan’s one of my best friends,” She said. “But are you sure she didn’t do it?”

“What?” Jake asked, “Why the hell would he do that?”

Farra thought it over. It wasn’t as implausible as Jake seemed to believe, but still…

“I don’t think so,” Farra said, thoughtfully. “My child might be a quitter, but outright self-sabotage?”

She shook her head.

AJ nodded.

“I trust your judgment on that,” She said. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think she did either. But this is pretty sensitive shit. Cooks and pots and all that.”

“How about Rachel?” Jake asked. “Doesn’t make a lot of sense for her to interrogate me like she did if she’s willing to screw us all over anyway.”

AJ made a see-sawing gesture with her hand.

“I don’t think she did it, but I don’t really have anything to prove it,” AJ said. “And I just don’t know her well enough to let her in on this without being sure.”

Farra approved.

“May I make a suggestion?” Megan asked, raising her hand again.

“You really don’t have to do that, sis.” Jake said, gently pushing it down.

She nodded, then continued.

“It seems to me that finding a few suspects to focus on and observe would be a more productive place to start than talking about who we thought we could eliminate.”

“A fair point,” Farra agreed. “And I have a few in mind.”

“Me too,” AJ said, “And I think we gotta start with Exe, right? That woman rubs me the wrong way. Real phony. And she’s got some personal reasons to dislike Ryan.”

“Yeah, she’s pretty much at the top of my list,” Jake agreed. “Ryan was…pretty into debunking her.”

“That’s a nice way to describe harassment. She’s the one person I wouldn’t entirely blame,” Farra said.

“No!” Megan objected immediately. “I mean…I really don’t think it’s her.”

Jake gave her a pitying frown.

“Megs, I know she’s becoming your friend. And I’m really happy for you, but…You know we have to consider her, right?”

She shrunk in on herself a little.

“I just don’t think she’s that kind of person. Not really, I mean,” She said. “She acts all heartless and stuff but she’s actually really nice.”

Farra felt for the poor girl. It was as good a time as any to speak up.

“As it happens, Megan, I agree with you,” She said, “It’s hard to imagine anyone surer to be implicated than her. I can’t attest to any sweetness, but she cares far too much about appearances to do something that so obviously makes her suspicious.”

Megan visibly relaxed.

“Still, though,” AJ insisted. “She bears keeping an eye on. Julie and Loretta, too.”

Jake sighed.

“Do you have any reason to think they’ve done anything wrong?”

“No,” AJ said, “But I don’t have any reason to think they’re innocent either. Loretta’s got some serious sand, and if Julie’s the type to fuck with her own family like she did, she might’ve felt **** enough to do something rash.”

Farra, who was, even as they spoke, listening to Julie describe her family over a bottle of wine, nodded. Yes, **** was a good word for her.

Megan adjusted her glasses.

“I think there’s a stronger case for Lindsey,” She said. “I mean, I like her, but she lives in the scene of the crime, and none of us really knows anything about her.”

“I agree,” Farra said. “In fact, if I were placing bets, she’d be the one I’d suspect most.”

“She did offer to help Ryan, though,” Jake interjected. “Seems kinda weird that she’d give him her own gun if she’d cut the legs out from under him in the first place.”

“Maybe. Or the offer could have been a cover she knew Ryan would turn down. It might not have even worked, given that we weren’t supposed to target one another,” Farra said, shaking her head. “I don’t know. There’s something about her I don’t trust.”

"Jake..." Megan said quietly. "Can we be absolutely sure it wasn't Emily? I can see her trying to...you know...why she wouldn't want to share."

"No," Jake said firmly. "And I won't hear it either. Emily would never."

"Okay...Sorry...sorry," Megan said.

"It's alright," Jake said with a sigh. "But it wasn't Emily."

Farra was less certain. Megan's theory, that Emily would eliminate potential rivals, make sense to her. It was obvious the girl was wild about him. That she'd target Ryan was certainly odd, but perhaps she hadn't even meant to. She could have been targeting Lindsey, or not known who she was sabotaging at all.

She looked to AJ, mostly to read anything she might be thinking. But she was only staring off toward the ocean, an uncomfortable look on her face.

“I was fucking sure it was Leah,” AJ said, finally. “That was some slick stuff, using her new curse to check it out.”

Jake frowned.

“Yeah, we need to talk about that,” He said. “This stuff they’re doing to all of us is pretty fucked up. However we go about figuring this out, I won’t let it be through manipulation like that.”

“I’m sorry, Jake, but what the fuck?” AJ objected. “It’s the surest way to it.”

“I don’t care,” He said firmly. “If I find out you’ve been taking advantage of the others, it’s going to mean real shit with me. Full stop.”

“Understood,” Farra agreed readily. “If it’s off the table for you, it’s off the table.”

Jake looked at the sun.

“Shit,” He muttered, “I gotta go. Emily’s going to be headed to my room any minute now.”

“Let’s circle back and do this again when we’ve had a chance to do some poking around,” Megan agreed. “It’s an interesting project. Probably a really important one, too. But somewhat lacking in fruitfulness absent more evidence.”

“Hey Megs,” Jake said, “You wanna walk down with me? I’ve got some stuff I wanna talk about, too.”

“Yeah! Sure!” She agree, smiling up at him.

The two departed, leaving AJ and Farra alone atop the ridge. As Farra turned to leave as well, AJ spoke up.

“You didn’t mean a fucking word of that promise to Jake a minute ago, did you?” She asked.

She saw no use in denying it.

“No. In fact, I plan to get started pretty soon.”

AJ nodded.

“Look, it’s your kid. I don’t blame you,” She said. “But it probably will cost you points if Jake finds out.”

“Perhaps. Though if it means uncovering the truth, I suspect his wroth with me will take a backseat to the little bitch who did it,” Farra said.

She faced AJ. She’d always liked the girl, but her respect for her was growing every moment they stayed here.

“I’ll tell you something else, too. I mean to win this contest,” She said. “If Ryan’s eliminated, I can use the wish to help her settle into a new life. If she’s not, I can restore my boy with it. There’s no surer path to helping her.”

“Don’t blame you a bit,” AJ said. “For what it’s worth, Farra, I’m in it to win it, too. That wish is the best way to get as many of us back to normal as we can get. I might act like I don’t care, but I’m real fucking serious about this.”

Farra raised an eyebrow.

“Really? I assumed you were doing your own thing.”

“I am,” AJ agreed. “I just happen to think that being genuine’s the best way to do it. And if I don’t then at least I’ll be able to sleep at night knowing I didn’t lose myself, you know?”

Farra knew alright.

“But, that’s what I’d ask you,” She continued. “Assume for a sec you don’t win. That you come in third or whatever…My consolation is being real to myself. What’s yours?”

Farra laughed.

“Oh, that one’s easy,” She said. “Payback.”